


Stalking Zuko

by emletish



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 48,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22963435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emletish/pseuds/emletish
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 106
Kudos: 469





	1. A subject called Zuko

A subject called Zuko.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o

Subject has been 'accepted' into the group and awkwardness abounds. I do not trust Subject. Subject, no doubt, is here for nefarious purposes and will betray us at the first opportunity. I have come to expect this behavior from Subject and I will not be surprised by it next time! Because I am going to follow him and watch all his movements so he has no time to do sneaky things.

Furthermore Subject is a smelly Fire Nation jerkbender. I have decided to record everything I learn about Subject. To know your enemy is to have a great advantage on the battlefield. This way when it is time for his inevitable betrayal, I will be able to strike back! I have decided not to name Subject for confidentiality's sake as well as because calling things by their name eventually endears them to you. Subject will not endear himself to me again!

Things I know about Subject:

  * Subject's mother is missing, possibly dead. Or possibly she just got sick of Subject's moping and buggered off. Wow, that was bitchy. Whatever, Subject deserves it after what he did.
  * Subject puts fireflakes on everything.
  * Subject always wakes with the sun, which is ridiculously early. Have gotten up twice to witness this and that is enough for me.
  * Subject's closest ally is Toph, who has, horror upon horrors, taken a _liking_ to him.
  * Subject, _purely from a scientific point of view,_ is quite muscular and not displeasing to look at without his shirt. This, _in no way,_ impacts upon my feelings towards Subject.
  * Subject trains with Aang most of the day, until Aang gets bored and wanders off. Subject is getting frustrated with Aang's lack of progress with firebending and his tendency to be easily distracted.
  * Subject's own firebending is a bit off at the moment. I know, because I have seen him at his best and this is not it. Have many sarcastic comments in my head and a few out loud about this fact.
  * Subject never smiles.



0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Very unusual morning! After breakfast everyone else vanished at the smallest sign of housework, leaving me to do all the dishes again. I find this very frustrating and had half a mind to bend some water at them. I thought I was alone, but Subject snuck up on me.

Subject wanted to help me do the dishes.

At first I refused, quite angrily. But Subject kept tidying. I got a bit cross with Subject and Subject got a bit cross back and declared that he 'just wanted to be nice.' Oh really Subject? Nice would have been not turning on me in Ba Sing Se. I said this to Subject and was met with the requisite amount of general apologies I have come to expect from Subject whenever we address this topic. He feels badly about what happened. As it should be.

I decided to allow Subject to help only because it really is nice to get some help around here and not at all because I am warming to him. Subject is trying to be helpful to get back into my good graces, but that will take many more dish washes.

No!

It wont, because I will _never allow Subject back into my good graces._ I said as much to Subject. Subject started talking (rambling, blathering or even blithering are actually better words to describe what he was doing) about how he would not like us to be hostile towards each other, even if we are not friendly.

It was a most unusual conversation. Subject got a bit lost and started to mix his metaphors badly. And one point Subject said something _most ridiculous_ that I misinterpreted and there was much awkwardness all round.

Subject left the room for a few moments in a fit of embarrassment and had to collect himself.

When he returned he offered that we call a truce between us because he doesn't want to fight with me. He will promise not to hurt Aang or any of us and be helpful with any chores that need doing if I try not to hate him so much.

I have elected to think on Subject's Proposal.

There are many benefits to not being hostile. Subject, being relatively new to our group, is the only one who does **not** take me, my cooking and the fact that I do all the chores, for granted. Subject has expressed a wish to be helpful and I can think of many tasks for which his assistance would be useful.

It is also very tiring being constantly mad at someone like Subject, who is more mad at himself for his past misdeeds that I could ever be.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject is practically incoherent when nervous.
  * Subject's hands are HUGE.
  * Subject's firebending can be helpful in heating the water for washing dishes and drying said dishes.
  * Subject accidentally makes rude double entendres and then blushes furiously.
  * Subject can be extremely awkward and dorky.



I will endeavor not to find Subjects' hapless attempts at friendship adorable. Because they are not at all adorable. They are _annoying._ And I am annoyed by them!

But it was kind of cute when he fluffed off all embarrassed.


	2. The many evils of Fireflakes

0o0o0o0o0o0oo0oo0o0o0o0o0

The many evils of fireflakes.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

What is with Subject and the fireflakes? I mean really!

This morning Subject had fireflakes for breakfast. Just fireflakes. You can't do that! That has got to be a crime against breakfast! Sokka thinks that Subject eats so many fireflakes to prove how manly he is. Because fireflakes are hot! And not in the good way. Naturally this makes my brother also wish to add fireflakes to everything (as he is always seeking to be more manly).

Sokka asked if he could have some of Subject's fireflakes and Subject handed over the packet but warned Sokka not to have too many, because they are quite spicy. This coming from Subject who eats them by the _giant fistful_ with his _giant hands_. I pointed out Subject's hypocrisy regarding the fireflakes. Subject said that he was used to it because he'd grown up eating extremely spicy food everyday.

Aang, at this point, piped up with some pointless anecdote about his friend Kuzon and the fireflakes of 100 years ago. Apparently they had cinnamon pepper flavoured ones back then, according to Aang. Subject replied that they still do have those, but they are not as popular a flavor as sweet chili flavour. Which is Subject's favourite.

He has bought what I originally assumed was a lifetime supply of fireflakes. I now realize that the amount Subject brought will probably only last him about a week at this point.

Both Aang and Sokka (and then Toph and after her Teo and Haru and the Duke) wanted to try fireflakes after breakfast and the bag was passed around.

Various reactions include:

  * My mouth feels numb with pain- the Duke (Subject told him to drink some milk.)
  * Quite tasty, but nothing on cinnamon pepper-Aang
  * You're right Subject! Having some milk afterwards does soften the burny flavour of pain–Teo
  * It's alright….I don't see what the big fuss is about –Toph
  * I think the taste is actually starting to grow on me – Sokka (he's obviously lying. His face was so red)
  * Ohmygod how could you let me put that in my mouth? –Haru.



Later when Toph was training Aang in Earthbending and Subject and I were doing the dishes, Subject pointed out that I didn't try them. 

I don't want to. They are bad for you and I'm sure they taste dreadful. Subject said that he actually found them really tasty and that they were so popular in the Fire Nation that everything would grind to a halt if there were no more fireflakes.

 **Note to self:** Is this an idea if Aang can't beat Ozai? If we simply make off with all the fireflakes from the firenation and destroy the factories that manufacture this snack, will the war grind to a halt? Will the fire nation turn in on itself, and will The Great Flake War result? Will Ozai say ' _let them eat chilies'_ and there will there be riots in the streets following this pronouncement? Something to think on.

I elected to try _one_ flake. To better understand Subject and the nation from which he comes. Subject got a glass of milk hand in case I hated it.

I hated it!

What was that flavour! It tasted like I had licked the sun!

Who likes that? I mean really!

I see fireflakes as further proof that Subject is trying to kill me! Death by disgusting snack! Though Subject took one look at my face and thrust the glass of milk into my hand in an instant, which did ease the pain of licking the sun somewhat.

Things I learned about subject

Subject has obviously burned off all his taste buds. Fireflakes are dreadful!

Subject is alternatively proud and ashamed of his sun-licking culture, depending on the conversation and the context. He sees fireflakes as a firenation achievement and he is proud of them and wishes to share.

Subject respects that not everybody will share his love of the taste of their whole mouth burning painfully and makes sure there is milk on standby for this eventuality.

Subject loves fireflakes so much that I have decided that if I am mad at him again (as I expect to be again at some point. Subject is maddening) I will simply hide his fireflakes. That'll teach him.

_Later that same day:_

Aang and I went to the nearest market to get more supplies. It is an hour away on Appa and we have to hide Appa in the woods and then walk into town. We need more supplies now that we have Subject to feed and Subject had obliged us with giving us a large amount of gold that he nicked from the royal treasury on his way out. For once Subject has shown foresight. I asked around, apparently Fireflakes are not only extremely bad for you, they can be quite fattening if you have too much. At the rate Subject eats this devilish snack he should be…not as trim and muscular as he is.

I cannot imagine Subject fat. Mostly because he spends so much of his time training and flexing and running and being agile and sneaky.

I have told Subject that fireflakes will make him get fat. He does not believe me.

-!-

Have fought with Subject over the correct way to wash dishes. Subject accused me of being bossy and over-critical of his dishwashing technique. When he was training with Aang, I hid his fireflakes somewhere he will NEVER find them. Subject is stomping round looking for them now. It is most enjoyable to watch.

Things I learned about Subject:

Subject does not take criticism well and is prone to get huffy if criticized repeatedly.

Subject keeps looking at me accusingly in his search for his fireflakes. Does he suspect?

-!-

A day of incredible events!

Incredible event one: Subject laughed. It is possible! A proper laugh as well. Subject was sitting in deep conversation with Toph, who I believe is increasing her attempts at friendliness towards Subject in exact proportion to how mean I am being to him that day. I have been, what Toph describes as _unnecessarily bitchy,_ to Subject today. Have told Toph this theory that her offers of friendship are in proportion to my attitude towards Subject, but she only scoffed and said that not everything was about me. She also alleged that Subject can be' kinda cool.' Toph had probably taken too many blows to the head in **Earth Rumbles** because her brain is addled.

Note: Toph is also a _traitor_ who found the fireflakes and gave them back to Subject. I must note however that she did not, out of loyalty to me, tell him where she found them.

Anyway, Toph and Subject were talking, as they are wont to do, and Toph said something. I admit I have been remiss in my stalking duties, because I was not close enough at this point to hear what she said. But Subject leaned back and laughed really loudly. Laughed like I didn't even know he could and it was quite disconcerting to see him laughing like that.

Incredible event two: Sokka and Subject are now sparring partners with swords. It gives them both practice and keeps them busy. I do not know how this came about and am quite unhappy with it. Sokka had been _fraternizing_ with Subject. I tolerate fraternization from Toph, but Sokka should know better! Firebending with Aang, laughing with Toph, sparring with Sokka and washing dishes with me. Subject is ingratiating himself! He could be more obvious about it if he started to bump up against Aang saying _'Ingratiate! Ingratiate!'_ I must keep a closer eye on Subject. I missed how sparring practice came about and if I am not careful, Subject will only ingratiate himself further.

Incredible event three: Sokka now eats fireflakes of his own volition. Why, dear brother? Why?

Incredible event four: Aang had mastered all the fireblocks even though he is, bless him, a rather scatter-brained student. Subject insisted Aang learn how to block first so he won't be accidentally burned when they train. Subject was, only last night, lamenting Aang's lack of focus/progress in blocking and is now very pleased with Aang and himself.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject has a very nice laugh.
  * Subject has smiled three times today, not including his laugh. Once when Toph returned his fireflakes, once sparring with Sokka and once when Aang perfect the lotus block. Subject does not smile for me. Not that I care.
  * Subject carries Toph everywhere now. She demands it as recompense for burning her feet, even though they healed long ago.
  * Subject is very good with Dao swords and is able to help Sokka with his technique even though Sokka uses a single space sword.
  * Subject appears to find sparring with Sokka a lot less frustrating than training Aang.
  * Subject's own firebending was _really_ off today. This worries Subject somewhat.




	3. A worrisome friendship

0o0o0o0o0o0o

A worrisome friendship

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Subject is off on an adventure with Aang today to restore his firebending and whatever else. I was very reluctant to let Subject out of my sight as he is so _sneaky_ and he will be alone with Aang and could abscond with him back to the firenation. I mentioned this concern to Aang, but Aang….laughed at me! Said I was being paranoid and Subject was 'kinda cool.' There is that phrase again and I hate it. Subject is not, in any way, shape or form, cool. Subject is the opposite of cool! Subject is hot! No, wait…

Aang also said that he could beat Subject one on one with his Avatar powers, if Subject gave him any trouble. And so they have gone! Off to see the Sun warriors and maybe find dragons. Perhaps a dragon will eat Subject and I will no longer have to worry about him.

Things I have learned about Subject

Nothing because Subject has buggered off!

-!-

Second day with no Subject.

Am unsure what to do with myself without Subject to follow around.

-!-

Without Subject to follow I elected to bother Toph about her worrisome, burgeoning friendship with Subject. Toph refused to give up being friendly with Subject even _after_ I pointed out the many evils of Subject, the many failings of Subject and the many misdeeds of Subject.

Toph said to me that I should give Subject a break and that I've never been like this with anyone else. Well, that is because no one else has tied me to a tree and chased me and Aang and Sokka halfway across the world. It is easy for Toph to be nice to Subject because to her, Subject is only the source of piggybacks and terrible snacks.

Toph has assured me that Subject would never hurt Aang or any of us now. She can tell through her powers of knowing these things. This reassures me somewhat. Toph has never been wrong about these things before.

Still, Toph is not normally so friendly herself and can be quite standoffish, especially with new people. I am baffled by this friendship. Toph explained to me that she just likes Subject's voice. A voice is like a face to her, it is her way of identifying the person. She can tell things about a person from their voice. Apparently Subject has a nice voice to listen to. Toph can tell from Subject's voice that Subject is very determined and very lonely. Toph understands this. She was determined and lonely for most of her childhood until she met us.

I have decided not to bother Toph about being friendly with Subject in the future. She makes me feel like _I_ am the one being unreasonable.

-!-

Subject is back! With Aang and his firebending ability in tact. Subject has spent most of today training with Aang with his shirt off. I have observed this from afar (and maybe a little closer when I was sure they wouldn't notice.) Subject's firebending is much better, as is Aang's. Apparently Subject and Aang met dragons and dragons make everything better. The dragons judged them and found them worthy to understand the true art of fire bending. Finding Aang worthy, I understand. What the dragons saw in Subject, I cannot fathom.

There was also dancing involved at some point. Sokka is teasing Subject about this most vigorously as it makes him go the most delightful shade of red. Aang who doesn't care about dancing in public or what people think of him, frequently wants to demonstrate this dance for us, with Subject. This is also most hilarious. Subject fusses each time but eventually complies.

And much fun is had by all.

-!-

I have, during the course of today, overheard Toph and Subject discussing me and my hostility towards Subject. I know it is rude to eavesdrop, but I simply cannot help it when Subject is involved. Who knows what he is planning! Toph is of the opinion that I'll _come around_ , and that I was a bit hostile to her when she first joined the group as well. This is patently untrue. I have _never_ been hostile towards Toph.

Subject feels that I am justified in my anger towards him and doesn't expect me to forgive him or thaw towards him. Thank you Subject! At least Subject agrees that I am not treating him unfairly and merely with the suspicion he deserves. Subject is also vaguely perplexed at Toph's friendliness towards him. He has never had any one be this nice to him and it confuses him. Really? Toph is the nicest person Subject has met?

Toph, who I love, don't get me wrong, is not exactly nice. She is crazy stubborn and self sufficient and sarcastic and _strong_ (she is lots of words beginning with S). But she's not all sweetness and light. Toph said he shouldn't think too much on it. She just knows what it is like to be new to the group.

Toph also pointed out that she and Subject have similar affluent backgrounds with complete with overbearing parent(s) with crazy standards and expectations. Subject agreed but pointed out that his father is noticeably more homicidal and evil than Toph's. Toph's point was not the relative evilness of their parents but that both of them have been raised differently to the rest of the group and neither Toph nor Subject had many friends growing up.

Toph would like to be friends with Subject because she thinks he needs all the friends he can get. Subject agreed. I have a horrible suspicion they hugged. I could not see because that would give away my position. But the suspicion remains.

Things I learned about Subject.

  * Subject is not used to have friends, people being friendly to him or friendship in general. This does not surprise me.
  * Subject claims not to miss his home very much because 'It's not really home anymore.'
  * Subject feels terribly about what he did in Ba Sing Se. As he should.
  * Subject does not believe I will ever forgive him and has resigned himself to the simmering hostility between us.
  * Subject is less awkward around Toph.



Something I learned about Toph.

I never knew that Toph felt a bit lonesome and confused when she first joined us. She told Subject she felt a little like and interloper because me and Aang and Sokka were such a close knit group back then. Why doesn't she tell me this, but she tells it to Subject?

She also claimed that Sokka was probably the friendliest out of us. My brother the meat eating, sarcastic guy? Who dropped a giant **Earth Rumble 6** belt on her head?

Toph has unusual taste in her boyfriends… I mean boys who she regards as friends.


	4. a ceasefire

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

A cease fire

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Have decided to accept Subject's proposal. I will try to be less hostile to Subject if he is helpful and does chores and doesn't hurt us. I have put a lot of thought into making a **long** list of chores for Subject to accomplish to earn my grudging tolerance of his presence (it is a step up from open hostility.) Some of these chores really need doing and I cannot do them on my own, some of them require much heavy lifting and some of them I threw in just for shiggles and are a bit ridiculous.

The real test will be if Subject does these ridiculous tasks just to earn my grudging tolerance.

I found Subject training Aang and watched until they had finished their session and Aang was exhausted and wanted a nap. Aang is not opposed to naps. For Subject, the idea of sleeping when the sun is up is abhorrent. Subject does not approve of Aang's naps. There have been a few mild arguments… most arguments are mild with Aang.

When Aang had gone, I announced to Subject that I would accept his proposal. Subject was quite confused at first. Subject in fact completely misinterpreted what I was saying and got a bit panicked.

I explained the chores=grudging tolerance proposal of a few days ago and present Subject with the list. Subject took the list and set about completing it with gusto. Subject is definitely a hard worker. Subject started moving everything in the kitchen about so that I no longer have to climb these ridiculous ladders to get things.

Air benders are ridiculous. Who builds cupboards you have to fly to get to? What kind of storage system is that? Anyway most of the tasks related to a drastic remodeling of the kitchen area to make it non-airbender friendly. I just haven't had the time or the help to accomplish this task until today. Subject was most helpful and was pleasant to observe. All sweaty and doing housework. Hhhhmmmm.

Subject made a few awkward attempts at conversation and eventually we got talking about nothing much. I started thinking about Toph and what she said about voices and really listening to people. I will allow her that Subject's voice is not at all unpleasant. It is actually quite nice to listen too. All I can tell from listening to Subject's voice is that his voice has definitely broken, but none of the other myriad of things that Toph can sense from a voice. I will admit I was slightly bothered by their conversation that I overheard but cannot mention, because I am not meant to eavesdrop. I have so many questions. I am bothered by the fact Subject thinks I will hate him forever when I don't actually hate him at all. I just mistrust him. There is a difference.

I think we've reached grudging tolerance today. After the kitchen, Subject set off to accomplish the ridiculous tasks I had set and I was strangely touched. I mean I never actually expected him to pick me that purple flower. I will be less hostile to Subject in the future. This does not mean I like him, only that he is useful.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject deals much better with being set a task to smooth over relationships, rather than talking it out.
  * Subject likes lists and order.
  * Subject judging from the gusto with which he attacked the list, likes tasks, in list form, to smooth over relationships.
  * Subject picked me that really pretty flower on top of the very highest tree in the orchard for no reason other than because it was on my list.
  * Subject is helpful in the kitchen.
  * Subject, when sweaty and doing housework, is extremely distracting. I could hardly alphabetize the spices with him in the room. How does subject do this? I have never felt this level of distraction before and I put it down to Subject's sneaky powers. I had to keep glancing at him to make sure he wasn't doing anything sneaky.
  * Subject is glad that we are no longer hostile.



-!-

Now that we have ceased hostilities, Subject talks to me more. About training Aang mostly, because this is what weighs heaviest on Subject's mind at present. Subject's training style is very different to me and Toph's. Subject is quite militant and organized in his approach to training Aang. Aang must learn _A_ before he can pass on to _B_ and Aang has to hurry up and learn _A_ because they still have the rest of the alphabet to get through and very little time to do it and Aang has to concentrate and drop and do twenty swivel fire kicks! Now! He praises Aang infrequently, but you can tell when he is really pleased with Aang's progress because he cannot contain his delight when Aang does a form perfectly.

Subject called a meeting over Aang's progress. Aang lacks aggression, which is crucial to firebending according to Subject. Subject, Toph and I had a chat about teaching Aang. I feel my suggestions were not quite as helpful because Aang never struggled with waterbending the same way that he struggles with Earth and Fire. I maintain that gentle encouragement works best with Aang and is the best way to teach. Both Toph and Subject made a face at me. Subject pointed out that gentle encouragement does not increase aggression. Subject claimed that he was never encouraged as a child and he learned much better because of it. **?** Never encouraged?

Toph suggested Subject get creative with how he teaches. She just threw rocks at Aang until he threw a rock back. (metaphorically speaking.) Subject is considering this approach now that Aang has mastered all the blocking techniques. Subject told us he had a teacher who did something similar with fire and just threw fireballs at him until he learnt to fight back. **?** Toph asked him if it worked with fire and Subject admitted that he got injured a fair bit at the beginning. I do not feel that this is a helpful teaching method. Oh my god! Is that how Subject got his scar? Is that why Subject is so worried about Aang knowing all the blocks?

Subject is a bit worried because he wants to be able to teach Aang the more aggressive fighting styles before he fights his father. I quote Subject here: "Fire is the most complex of all the elements and I have to teach him eight years of training in two months." Toph and I took great exception to the claim that fire is the most complex element. I claimed that Waterbending is extremely complicated and is way more useful than either firebending or earthbending because I could heal things. A small three way argument broke out about which element is superior. Toph was most adamant that she could kick both our arses, so we could _superior_ that.

The meeting broke up in favour of a three way duel. That resulted in all three of us exceptionally muddy and a sort of 'stacks on Subject' pile with Toph sitting at the top. Both Subject and I were content to call it a draw and Toph reluctantly agreed. (Toph had definitely won, but her ego is large enough as it is.)

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject really does care about teaching Aang and puts and extreme amount of thought into his lessons and feels very pressured by the lack to time to teach Aang.
  * Subject has had many training injuries in the past. Is his scar one of them? I dare not ask. He is so touchy about it.
  * Subject likes order and discipline in his training with Aang. Aang does not like order and discipline. New teaching methods are being explored.
  * Subject may have possibly lied about being raise in a palace. No encouragement and someone throwing fireballs at you all day. **?** I am beginning to suspect that Subject was raised in some sort of hellish fire filled place of hellishness. With no encouragement and fireballs.



-!-

Very unusual day.

Subject confuses me.

There was much ado about firebending practice in the morning. Aang finally perfected the basic forms and the blocks. Subject took Toph's advice and they started sparring. Subject just started randomly throwing fireballs at Aang. Subject was not expecting Aang to pick it up so quickly, obviously, because Aang was able to take him by surprise and blast him into the far wall with a large fire blast. Aang was initially elated with his Fireblast of Doom, but Subject stayed down for what could have only been two seconds. That was all it took for Aang to become most concerned and fretful and worried over the possibility of hurting Subject.

Subject is not a delicate china doll! He can take a few blows. I have thrown Subject against many a wall in our previous fights and it hasn't done him any harm or slowed him down. I told Aang this and Subject AGREED with me and said he was fine and that Aang had done really well and he was very proud of him. And then Aang hugged him. It was all too much for me. People thinking Subject is kinda cool! People hugging Subject! What is wrong with the world? I stalked off but I noticed that Subject was making a weird face as Aang hugged him.

Then after lunch, Subject said he needed a nap and that Aang should work on his earth bending with Toph. This was most unusual behavior for Subject. Subject never naps! Subject is all go-go-go- all-day-everyday. It is most annoying. Subject was also walking without his usual grace. After lunch, I went in search of Subject to see what sneaky deed this change in behavior portended. Not at all because I was worried about him.

Subject was in his room. Shirtless! Oh my! And trying to wrap a bandage with a hot poultice around his ribs. Subject had been injured.

"What are you doing (Subject)!" I demanded from the door. Subject made a hushing motion at me, which made me a little cross. I will not be shushed by Subject! I stomped in and got all up in Subject's personal space. Subject gulped.

"Why didn't you say you were hurt?" I demanded of Subject.

"Because of Aang. I didn't want to set him back."

"How would this set him back? You said he did it perfectly this morning."

"It's the first time he's Firebended with some aggression and Aang's not very aggressive normally. He doesn't like to hurt people and if he knew he got me, he wouldn't want to fire bend again for ages and we'd be back to where we started ... And stop looking at me like that." I was staring at him oddly because Subject was making sense! For once! It was like watching Appa recite haikus.

"Why didn't you come to me then? I could have healed this for you in a heart beat." I said, because really, Why not? Did he think I wouldn't heal him out of spite?

"I didn't think you'd want to, what with…I mean we're only just at grudging tolerance now " Subject gestured between us. Oh. He did think I wouldn't heal him out of spite. Perhaps Toph is right. Perhaps I have been a little too hostile to Subject.

"Well I would have done it, if you'd just told me." I said a bit defensively because I am not that much of a jerk and am a bit offended that Subject would think so. Then to prove it and partially because I didn't know what else to do I uncorked my water skin. I got some bending water and ran my healing hands over Subject's chest. Subject had cracked three ribs. They are simple enough if a bit time consuming to heal. Subject's heart was beating really fast and the whole time we had to stand really close. At one point I looked up at the exact moment that Subject was looking down at me and we just stood looking at each other and it had been weird. Really, really weird.

"You can come to me with things like this. I'll heal you. I might think you're an arrogant jerkbender but I'll heal you. Are we clear?" I said to break the weird moment tension that had sprung up from our weird moment.

"Yes" Subject said quietly. Then he added "Thank you, Katara." He said really sincerely and smiled, ever so slightly. It was a shy smile. Only there for the blink of an eye. But it was nice.

Things I learned about subject.

  * Subject is very warm to touch. Are all firebenders like this?
  * Subject smells very nice. Not that this has any bearing on my feelings towards Subject.
  * Subject understands Aang and would rather suffer in silence than throw off Aang's progress.
  * Subject has _Smiled_ at me. It is a nice smile, even if I almost never see it.




	5. 10 things I hate about subject

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

10 things I hate about Subject.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Subject is a jerk!

I have hidden his fireflakes again! This time in a place that neither he nor Toph will find them.

I have decided to make a list. A list of the things about Subject that drive me bananas. That way if I feel him impinging himself into my good graces again, I will simply look at this list and feel the righteous fury of this moment and be impinged upon no more!

**The list:**

1 Subject is from the firenation and is a stupid firebender! All firebenders are jerks! It's how they make fire! Their fire is actually concentrated jerkiness!

2) Subject is sullen and moody and temperamental and who wants to hang around that?

3) Subject is as stubborn as all hell! If he could just admit I'm right, I wouldn't even need to be writing this list!

4) Subject is prone to bouts of idiocy! Subject is, in fact, one giant walking human catastrophe waiting to happen!

5) Subject is also prone to poor decision making! See Subject's entire life up until this point. It has been one long saga of poor decision making and fireflakes!

6) The fireflakes! What is with the fireflakes! It is not possible to have them for breakfast, lunch and dinner and he needs a balanced diet if he wants to be able to teach Aang properly. He will thank me later for hiding them. It is for his own good. He says he can eat what he wants and it's none of my business! Pah! Everything in this temple is my business!

I mean really!

If a girl ever wants to kiss him, he is just going to taste like one big fireflake and they are nasty! I'm doing him a favour really.

7) That incident with the pirates is Subject's fault. Pirates Subject? Really?

8) I also hold that whole shenanigan with my mother's necklace and the tattooed lady who thought Subject was my boyfriend against Subject.

9) The North Pole also rates a mention on this list and is connected to point 5: Subject's poor decision making skills. Who the hell faffs off into a blizzard with no map, no supplies and no plan? Subject! That's who!

10) Ba Sing Se! No explanation necessary!

-!-

_Some time later….._

Have just had to heal Subject again. Left wrist this time. Fractured. He has been training with Aang all afternoon with it fractured and that has made it worse. All because he is too proud and too stubborn to call a break for a few minutes and he didn't want to let on to Aang. Subject is an idiot! It would have hurt like all hell, which serves Subject right. I had half a mind to tell Subject to bugger off, but I am the BIGGER person out of the two of us and so I healed it for him.

Though I hate to admit it, I am mildly impressed with Subject's ability to push on regardless of injury and to hide said injury from his opponent. I said this to Subject and he said that he had a lot of practice pretending he wasn't hurting when he really was. Subject said that one of his firebending teachers impressed upon him the importance of never showing weakness or vulnerability because it gives your enemies an opportunity to strike you. He would make Subject train regardless of injury, unless Subject had been knocked unconscious and then Subject was allowed a break.

Subject's former firebending teacher- What the hell is wrong with you? This is not a good philosophy for anyone, especially not for Subject, who I'm sure had **knuckleheaded** tendencies even as a child. As a healer I know that this sort of stubborn behavior will only exacerbate injuries.

I do not understand the firenation at all.

Subject thinks this was a useful skill to learn and that it has made him stronger. I think that this sort of behavior is only further proof that Subject is intractably stubborn and foolish. We have had another small argument about this. I think I have used up all my anger for the day because after our argument about the fireflakes at lunch (gah!) I just don't have the energy for a second big argument with Subject.

We have come to a compromise. If I am nearby when they are training (Subject is under the impression that I will be. Does he suspect I am stalking him?) and Subject is injured, he will announce a tea break and I will meet him in the kitchen and heal him there. No more exacerbating injuries. Subject is of no use to anyone if he cannot teach Aang firebending. He cannot do that very well if his concentration is on being a stubborn idiot and trying to pretend that the bone is not protruding from the skin.

-!-

_Some time later…_

I am not mad about the fireflakes anymore. Subject is still looking for the fireflakes and occasionally swearing while he searches. Ha! Take that Subject.

I am so wily.

Things I have learned about Subject:

Subject's love of fireflakes knows no bounds. He will fight to the death for his right to eat them.

Subject is STUBBORN.

Subject can be an idiot.

Subject has been heavily influenced by a strange philosophy as a child: That it is better never to show any weakness.

Subject seems to really believe that he should never show weakness at all in combat.

Subject, in fact, hates the idea of showing weakness and will most likely not comply with our tea=healing code word compromise. If this is the case, Subject will feel my wrath.

-!-

Subject knows I am watching him during the training sessions at least. Thankfully, Subject has given no indication that he knows I am stalking him at other times. Some times I watch them train overtly, but sometimes I watch from a hiding space (I have several now). I never took this much interest when Aang was learning earth bending and I wouldn't want to throw him off by constantly observing. Aang gets easily distracted in my presence and wishes to show off for me before he has mastered a certain skill, normally with disastrous and/or explosive results. This drove Subject crazy those first few lessons when I watched from the sidelines the whole time, so I decided to start watching in secret. Today I was watching them from one of my favourite hiding spaces behind this big pillar.

Today at training Subject explained what they would be doing to Aang. It was experimenting with blue fire. They are trying to see if Aang can do it. Subject knows how, but cannot do it himself. Then Subject _explained to the pillar_ I was hiding behind, in case I hadn't heard him.

Aang found this behavior most unusual and wanted to know why Subject was talking to pillars. Subject stuttered/sputtered/muttered something about not wanting the pillar to worry. Aang made a very humorous, incredulous, worried face. Subject tried to make it better by blathering about how he thought the pillar deserved an explanation in case it freaked out because what they were experimenting with was a little dangerous. Aang was now most dubious about Subject's mental state and said that he thought they should take a break for tea (not the healing kind). They have gone for tea now.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject is aware of my presence at training.
  * Subject thinks learning how to produce blue fire will be of use to Aang and thinks he can teach him how to do it, without being able to produce blue fire himself.
  * Subject cannot lie to save himself and is a terrible dork when he tries to come up with excuses/lies on the spot. I find this strangely endearing. I have consulted the list again to counteract the effects of Subject's dorkiness.



-!-


	6. The great seaprune debacle

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The Great Seaprune Debacle

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

-!-

Subject disappeared for a long time today with Aang. I presume they went to a bigger market town because they returned with seaprunes, which are ridiculously expensive outside of the poles. Aang has presented me with the seaprunes for no other reason than they are my favourite. We are having them for dinner. Sokka is overjoyed.

Subject is perplexed and revolted by seaprunes. Ha! Now he knows how I feel about fireflakes. I have made him promise to eat them because I have tried that vile, horrible flake that he is so fond of. Subject has agreed. He has also agreed to help me prepare them because it is quite labor intensive. Teo and the Duke are watching because apparently seaprunes are the most revolting thing they've ever seen. And for young boys, disgusting things must be observed with great fascination. Sokka is also here, poking seaprunes and making a nuisance of himself.

Toph, Haru and Aang are practicing earthbending. Aang does not want to watch the preparation of Seaprunes, because they wiggle in a way that distresses him. I wonder why he got them for me. He hates seaprunes, as does Toph and I am having to make them an alternative sea prune free soup for dinner.

For everybody who hasn't tried sea prunes… they are in for a real treat!

-!-

Some time later…

-!-

The first seaprune Subject cut open wiggled quite violently, which startled Subject a great deal and he gave what he called "a surprised yelp". Subject actually shrieked in a very unmanly fashion. It was hilarious. I have teased him a great deal about it. Subject has since developed a tendency to talk to the seaprunes while he guts them. He says variations on "You are dead and you don't have any guts so just stop moving" or "Gah! Stop it, you stupid prune!" to seaprunes that won't stop wiggling. Teo and the Duke keep poking Subject's pile of gutted seaprunes which is affecting how much they wiggle. I am making stewed seaprunes in batches and Subject was caught by surprise at how small they get once cooked. Subject actually picked up a seaprune and held it over the pan and said, very sarcastically:

"This prune is the bravest of all prunes. It's looking death right in the face. "

Despite myself, I found it funny. I am surprised by this. Subject has never before shown any hint at having a sense of humor. Teo and the Duke cracked up and wanted a go helping out. Subject was very willing to have help preparing the sea prunes (as he finds the job disgusting) and set Teo and the Duke up with boards and knives (I notice with some relief that he supervised the Duke quiet closely.)

Sokka came back into the kitchen and was prevailed upon to help and soon much sillyness came from the boys section of the kitchen. Sokka, who was telling a story with gestures while holding a sea prune, accidentally whacked Subject in the face with said seaprune.

Subject was not impressed.

Subject retaliated with his own seaprune whack. Then they both just started whacking each other with prunes and the whole thing got very messy. At one point Sokka was giving Subject a seaprune noogie in retaliation for the seaprune noogie that he had received from Subject.

I drew the line there.

I have now banished them both from the kitchen. Teo and the Duke are definitely the more mature ones on that table and are allowed to stay.

-!-

Later still….

-!-

Stewed Seaprunes was a mixed success. They are a very acquired taste, I know, but they are delicious. At least there is more for me and Sokka (who has finished off everybody else's share.) Stewed seaprunes are way better than fireflakes at least. Toph and Subject were sitting together and they thought I could not hear them. Toph quietly asked Subject what it looked like and if she should give it a go and try some. She'd only had seaprunes as a kid but she remembered hating them. Subject told her it looked like cat sick that had been poured through a boot but then added that maybe it could be tasty. He then had a mouthful, made the strangest face and told her to stick to her seaprune free soup for her own safety. I made a face at them but I don't know if Subject noticed. Demand on the seaprune free soup increased. Reactions to stewed seaprunes from the stewed seaprune virgins include:

  * Will drinking milk get rid of this taste? - The Duke (Subject told him, quite sarcastically, that nothing would get rid of this taste. The Duke looked sad. I got him some moon peach juice)
  * It's not the worst thing I've ever eaten – Teo, (Haru pointed out that when Teo was a refugee before moving to the northern air temple he'd had to eat grass. Teo replied that's what he meant; it wasn't as bad as eating grass. Thanks Teo.)
  * Ohmygod how could you let me put that in my mouth! -Haru. I am perturbed that this was his exact same reaction to fireflakes. Surely stewed sea prunes is the less repellant food.



Subject tried really hard to be polite and not criticize the stewed seaprunes and had at least four mouthfuls before giving up . I nagged him a little about what he really thought and at first he said it tasted nice. This was patently untrue in subject's opinion so I gave him a glare and nagged him a little more. Eventually he said it tasted like he had eaten a giant block of greasy salt, then drank the saltiest part of the ocean then just poured salt straight from the shaker down his throat. And then added more salt to be on the safe side. Subject is sure this much salt is not good for a person. This coming from Subject! He, of the fireflake addiction? Subject pointed out that maybe some fireflakes added in the simmering process would improve them, just to be cheeky I think. He still hasn't found his fireflakes. Ha!

Aang piped up that seaprunes were ridiculously salty and that was why he went with the seaprune free soup from the start. All eyes then focused on Aang. Haru asked why Aang had got the seaprunes then? Aang went all red and embarrassed and mumbled something incoherent and then scooted away on his scooter. Oh no! Aang has been spending too much time with Subject and his manner of speech is contagious!

Still it is a little weird.

Things I learned about Subject

  * Subject does have a sense of humor, but it buried very deep underneath many layers of grumpiness. But it is still there.
  * Subject will eat something he hates just to be polite.
  * Subject has big flashes of immaturity, especially when he is around Sokka (see seaprune noogie).
  * Subject was, for the most part, helpful in the preparation of stewed seaprunes, even though he found the task disgusting.
  * Subject is freak out by things that keep moving on the chopping board after you've cut off their head.
  * Subject is very into knife safety and good knife handling and explained this at length to the Duke, who I don't think was listening the whole time.
  * Subject finds seaprunes too salty.



Subject is doing the dishes on his own because apparently this was 'my night.' I feel like I should go and help him.

-!-

Later still….

-!-

I am beside myself with rage and it is all Subject's fault! I take back every nice thing I've written about Subject, ever!

Subject and I were clearing away dinner and I was talking about the weirdness of Aang's behavior and grilling Subject about what they did that day. Subject said that Aang just wanted to do something nice for his girlfriend.

Meaning me.

Meaning that Subject thinks that Aang and I are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Where did Subject get an idea like that? I was quite cross. I got a bit irate with Subject and Subject got a bit alarmed and tried to calm me down. I just… I just hate being referred to as the Avatar's girl. I am my own person. I belong to myself and even if me and Aang were going out I would not want to be known as the Avatar's girl!

I am Katara.

I am a master waterbender in my own right and it is irritating and Gah! I ranted in this vein for some time. I have a lot of thoughts on the issue. But I couldn't believe that I was ranting about it to Subject of all people. Subject just listened and didn't interrupt; well I didn't really give him a chance. When I had ranted myself out I told Subject that I didn't want to talk anymore and we should just wash is silence and started ignoring him and his various attempts at conversation.

Then Aang came and said he wanted to speak to me and I was feeling grumpy and out of sorts and it was all Subject's fault. Subject was making some sort of gesture behind my head but I was ignoring him. Because he is a seaprune hating jerk. I left Subject with the dishes (serves him right!) and followed Aang.

We walked for a long time in silence. It was a little awkward. I was so worried that Aang would want to talk about that time we kissed and if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend (Subject seems to think we are already.) I just…I don't have an answer for him. I don't know! He is my best friend and I do love him but I don't know. He surprised me with that kiss and I don't know.

Aang started talking about the seaprunes and I felt this sense of rising dread..like oh no, here it comes. But then he abruptly changed tact and started talking about Subject and Subject's girlfriend back in the firenation.

Gloomy hairbuns!

Whatever did Subject see in Gloomy hairbuns! Maybe it was because she was so moody and he was so moody and they would just moody at each other until one of them went off to write some sad poems about how nobody understands them. Friggin Subject. Of course he'd go for the only person on the planet grumpier than him.

I was very thrown by this change of topic but any topic was better than what I thought Aang wanted to talk about. He started talking about how he and Subject had been talking. (About me? Oh god, I hope not!) He and Subject, according to Aang have been talking about Subject's girlfriend a lot. Apparently Subject is not very good at expressing himself and his feelings with words (no surprise there).

But Subject had some words of wisdom for Aang regarding relationships that Aang wished to impart to me:

1) Honesty is important. Subject was not honest with Gloomy Hairbuns, and that's why it couldn't work between them. Now he feels guilty about that. (I'm sure that is just one of many fish in the Guilty Sea for Subject.)

2) It is important to let people know how you feel even, if you can't say it with words. Subject would apparently show how he felt by doing nice things for his girlfriend and making sure she knew she was special to him. Subject said that he always got Gloomy Hairbuns things that she had mentioned wanting in passing, or nice things that he thought she'd like or her favourite food ( fruit tarts.) Thank goodness it wasn't fireflakes because I'm sure Subject would eat them all before he could give them to her.

Aang went on about Subject and his girlfriend and favourite foods as expressions of feelings and gave me a meaningful look and it got awkward again.

I knew what Aang was getting at. I'm not an idiot. But I did not want to have this conversation with him.

So I started to rant about how I didn't want to hear about the relationship woes of Subject and Gloomy Hairbuns and about how Subject was an absolutely terrible role model and a dreadful source of relationship advice and Aang would be better off erasing everything Subject told him about relationships from his head and that I was going to have a word to Subject in the morning about not giving out relationship advice in the future. Because he sucked at it. Aang looked like he wanted to say something else but I stormed off in high dudgeon.

Obviously Subject has put Aang up to this. This whole awkward little moment is all of Subject's making. He's put ideas in Aang's head! Ideas about giving me seaprunes as a way of showing love! Ideas about us becoming a couple. Subject has put me in a very difficult position and I am so cross with him right now. I mean, did Subject even consult me before launching Operation Seaprune! No! No, Subject did not. Subject just made one big assumption and assumed I would welcome a demonstration of affection and raised Aang's hopes and awkward issues and in short: Everything is Subject's fault.

I can't be angry at Aang. It's like being angry at a baby rabbirroo. I have been short with Aang possible only three times in the entire time I've known him and I've felt so terrible about it each time. However, I am short with Subject all the time and if I have to be mad at somebody then I am glad I can be mad at Subject. Because he sucks!

Tomorrow morning Subject will feel my wrath!

He would feel it now, but he had finished the dishes and gone to bed by the time I got back to the dishes.

Things I learned about subject:

  * Subject never ceases to irritate me!
  * Subject makes awkward situations worse!
  * Subject went out with Gloomy Hairbuns and got her fruit tarts and now thinks he is an expert on relationships! Pah!



I feel quite grump with Gloomy Hairbuns too!

However all I know about her is that she likes knives, fruit tarts and Subject. Probably in that order.

-!-

The next morning…

-!-

I got up ridiculously early as is Subject's habit. I wanted to shout at him as soon as possible. I found him training and doing various sun salutes, shirtless. Oh no! Subject thinks he can distract me with shirtlessness but he can't. I stomped in, told Subject to follow me and walked to the orchard because I could shout at him there and not be overheard or wake the others.

Subject and I have now had a rather large argument.

I ranted. I shouted. I stomped my foot at one point. I have almost ranted myself hoarse. I ranted about what the bloody hell did Subject think he was doing? Giving relationship advice to Aang! I ranted about how rude and mean it was to set someone up like that and how awful Subject was for encouraging Aang. I ranted about what an awkward position Subject had put me in and how Subject better bloody well undo whatever he did to make Aang buy me seaprunes because I didn't even know if I wanted seaprunes from Aang in that way. There was more about Subject's general jerkiness as a person and well as a few insults to Gloomy Hairbuns and their 'relationship' as well. He got a bit defensive over that last part. Well he got a bit defensive over all of it, but especially that last part.

Subject got a bit cross with me and said what was he meant to think; with the way Aang goes on and on and on about me and how wonderful I am and about how he wants to kiss me again. When had this conversation taken place? I have been stalking Subject most carefully lately and I have never overheard a hint of this conversation!

Subject doesn't feel that he did anything wrong, but that he just made an honest mistake. When Subject feels awkward or feels that he is in the wrong, he is just a big blob of social ineptitude, but when Subject is really angry and when he feels justified in his position, he can actually be quite articulate. I am surprised by this.

Subject started going on about firebending (fie upon firebending!) and blue fire and emotions. According to Subject, you need to be calm and have control of your emotions to produce blue fire. I now understand why Subject cannot do it. He is a veritable emotional soup in person form, who feels six different emotions at any given moment.

Subject thought Aang would be able to do it easily because he is quite calm and cheerful and didn't seem to have any emotional turmoil. Aang struggled with blue fire and got a bit despondent about struggling. Subject suggested they take Appa for a fly to cheer Aang up. On Appa, he asked Aang if anything would be affecting his emotions. Aang mentioned me. At length. And in such a way that left Subject with the idea that we were boyfriend and girlfriend who were having problems, not boy and girl who are friends… who once kissed. Subject dispensed his (terrible) relationship advice in the hope that he could help Aang 'fix' the situation. He mentioned fruit tarts as an expression of feeling and Aang latched onto the idea of favourite foods as an expression of love. They went to get sea prunes.

When Subject realized my feelings on the matter last night over dishes, he tried to discourage Aang as best he could with gestures. He said regardless of his actions, Aang was going to keep wanting to have this conversation with me whether I wanted him to or not. Subject claims he was only trying to be helpful and did the best he could with the information he had. Subject also claims I have no right to get all mad and angry and up in his face about it

I have every right to get all mad and angry and up in his face about it!

But at that moment I felt the prickle of tears and the tightening at the back of my throat. I was so mad and full of feelings that I was sure I was going to start crying right there. I will not, under any circumstances, cry in front of Subject. So I bended the water in the fountain at Subject and froze him against a tree and ran away like a little girl.

I am hiding from Subject now.

I am hiding from Aang.

In fact, I think I am hiding from everybody.

-!-

Incredibly unusual afternoon.

I had hidden from everybody since my argument with Subject. Subject was looking for me and I kept changing my hiding place and it was like an elaborate game of hide and seek. I am so much smarter than him. When the others woke up and realized I was missing, everybody started looking for me. So I went back to the orchard and climbed the big tree and hid amongst the foliage. Toph cannot sense me when I am in the tree. I waited there for a long time. While I was in the tree I realized I was probably a bit unreasonable with Subject. But this situation is infuriating and I have to be mad at somebody.

The others had all wanted to know why I had run away. At that point, they were all in the kitchen I was in one of the freakishly high airbender cupboards so I heard every word. I thought Subject was really going to embarrass me by telling everyone what I was so mad about. But Subject didn't. Subject said we had a big argument (over fireflakes) and he had been a jerk and it had all been his fault. The others all believed this. They have seen enough of my and Subject's arguments to know that they can get out of hand.

Anyway I was sitting in the tree, thinking about how Subject hadn't embarrassed me when he easily could have. I was thinking that maybe, and only maybe, Subject is not such a terrible person. He's not a great person mind, but he's not terrible. He probably did sincerely want to help me and Aang with our problems in his Subject way. Then it was like I had summoned Subject with my thoughts because at that moment he was at the bottom of the tree and he had found me.

Boo.

He yelled up that running away never works in the long term. I yelled back that running away had worked great in the short term. He started to climb the tree and I pegged bits of leaf and twig at him while he ascended. I wasn't really angry at him then, but it seemed like a me thing to do.

Soon Subject and I were sitting across from each other in the tree and Subject started to apologize for putting me in an awkward position. He hadn't realized how I felt about seaprunes. I think seaprunes was Subject's code word for having a relationship with Aang. Subject had just taken Aang's word for it and Aang had been going on about kissing me and Subject had just assumed things. Subject said that he never meant to upset me. It was a very sincere apology. I have accepted it. Something in the way Subject bit his bottom lip was very convincing.

We sat in the tree for a while until I was ready to go back. What is wrong with me lately? I have been so emotional and have been behaving ridiculously. I am obviously hanging around Subject too much. He is perpetually being emotional and ridiculous.

Then…I don't know what happened…maybe the smell of moon peaches was affecting my brain…but I started talking to Subject about my doubts and feelings and how do you know if you are ready and its right? Subject said I would just know when I was ready and it was right because I wouldn't have these doubts. I asked him if that's how it was with Gloomy Hairbuns and he confessed he still had doubts about things with her, but she was his best friend back in the firenation and he had hoped that the doubts would go away in time. But that in the end it was probably a good thing that they broke up because she deserved better. I think Gloomy Hairbuns could do worse than someone who brings her a fruit tart everyday and still mopes about her for ages after breaking up.

It had been nice talking with Subject. And that is weird. I shouldn't want to divulge things to Subject. Because he is Subject and he's a jerk! And you can trust him as far as you can throw him! And he made fun of seaprunes! Close proximity to Subject's firebending is obviously melting my brain.

What is wrong with me?

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject feels quite badly for upsetting me and making things awkward, especially as he thought he was making things better.
  * Subject didn't embarrass me when he could have. I am oddly touched by this.
  * Subject is actually a good listener.
  * Subject has a habit of biting the left corner of his bottom lip before he apologizes.
  * Subject also has a slight overbite. I find it oddly charming. I can understand why Gloomy Hairbuns would want to kiss him. Not to say that I would want to kiss him myself, just that I can see where the temptation might come from.
  * Subject and Gloomy Hairbuns have been intimate. Not sure how I feel about this. Cross, I think. But I thought I should record it here anyway.
  * Subject claims Gloomy Hairbuns is the only thing he misses about the firenation. Gloomy Hairbuns? Really?
  * Subject has poor taste in women. Obviously.



-!-


	7. The duke strikes back

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The Duke strikes back!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject has acquired a new stalker. The Duke! Ever since Subject let the Duke play with sharp knives while preparing the Seaprunes, The Duke has taken to following him around. Four times I have come across a hiding place to find the Duke already there.

Boo.

I know it is incredibly immature, but when I saw the Duke in my pillar hiding space I felt a wave of irritation for his small self. I was stalking Subject first! The Duke needs to find his own Subject. I have decided to take the high road and have discouraged the Duke from stalking. I have told him it is not safe to watch the firebending/swordfighting practice from a hiding spot, because the boys don't know he is there and he could be accidentally hurt by one of Aang's rogue fireblasts.

The Duke completely misunderstood me and has gone and directly asked Subject if he can watch them train and if Subject can also teach him how to fight. Subject was very taken aback by this direct request but has agreed. Because Subject is an idiot. You do not give a child like the Duke a sharp implement to wave about!

Idiot!

I have, once again, taken the Duke aside to tell him that it is not safe for him to wave about sharp implements. The Duke is adamant that Subject said it was okay and would teach him. The Duke then put an abrupt stop to our conversation by asking me why I didn't ask Subject to teach me whatever I wanted to know from him. I was most surprised. The Duke had also noticed me watching Subject and had assumed that I also wanted to learn Firebending. Or Dao swords. I was quite stunned that the Duke noticed me also following Subject and I will try to be much more subtle in the future. The Duke told me it was okay to ask Subject things directly.

Ah youth. Male youth.

There are many things I cannot ask Subject about directly, but the Duke being a seven-year-old male favors the direct approach in all things. He, in fact, asked Subject quiet directly what happened to his face. Subject replied that it got burned in a very flat voice.

Right now, Subject is experimenting with leaving Aang to his own devices regarding firebending. He is trying a more laid back teaching style than his usual approach, which is to be constantly and forever breathing down Aang's neck about _technique_ and _form_ and _concentration_ during lessons. His hope is that Aang will take some initiative for his own bending. He has shown Aang something called the _Crouching Dragon_ and Aang is meant to practice it until he has perfected it. I have a feeling this experiment will be unsuccessful, but I have not told Subject this. He'll find out on his own. Aang needed gentle encouragement and constant supervision when I was training him. He does not learn well on his own.

Now I cannot seem to find Subject to berate him regarding the Duke. I l hate to admit it, but I am now looking for the Duke to see if he knows where Subject has gone.

-!-

_Some time later…._

-!-

Found Subject! He was in the orchard.

As per usual, we have had a small argument. I merely wanted to impress upon Subject the foolishness of encouraging the Duke to wave around sharp implements. Subject said that if the Duke wanted to learn how to fight, Subject was willing to teach him. I ranted a bit about Subject's general idiocy and the fact that he already had his hands full training Aang and sparring with Sokka and when would he get to time to make sure that the Duke didn't accidentally…you know… stab himself.

Subject claimed that he wasn't that much of an idiot (I beg to differ) and of course he wasn't just going to hand over his Dao blades to the Duke. He was in the orchard because he was looking for some sticks to give the Duke, which would be the right length for him to practice and pretend with.

He'd already spoken to Sokka and Sokka was in agreement with him that if the Duke wanted to learn how to fight, he should be able to. They both thought the best thing to do would be to give the Duke two blunt wooden swords and let him watch their sparring and copy them. Subject had found one stick that was the right length already and Sokka was carving it into more of a swordy-shape, because Sokka is the better carver than subject and that is saying something. Subject's carving skills must be similar to his decision making skills- absolutely terrible. Subject was now looking for a second stick.

Oh boys!

Is it always about whacking things with swords?

I mean really. What is with the swords?

I don't know if I have ever felt the urge to whack something with a stick in my life. Except for Sokka, and Subject and maybe Toph once or twice. But then, it would have been with the **righteous stick of commonsense**! Because all three of them often have terrible lapses in commonsense. I could not hit Aang with the commonsense stick because he would just make a _sad panda_ face at me and I would feel like the worst person in the world.

Note to self: Would this work? Could I just get a stick and write commonsense on it and periodically whack some commonsense into Subject?

I am unsurprised that Sokka would agree with Subject in this matter. He was forever trying to teach the toddlers back home how to fight and defend themselves. I always thought it was a most ridiculous and unsuccessful endeavor. I mean, they were really little kids. What were they going to learn of fighting? They shouldn't even be learning how to fight at that age. At that age, all that most children should have to worry about is if they are forced to eat their broccoli, not if their fighting stance is correct. I re-iterated this point to Subject but he did not agree with me.

Subject thinks it would be great if kids only had to worry about broccoli, but that wasn't reality for us. Duke had lost his parents very young and had felt powerless to stop it. Subject thinks it is horrible when kids feel powerless and defenseless. There was something in the way he said that. It is bothering me. Anyway Subject thought that learning some self defense would be good for the Duke. Subject thinks that you are never too young to start learning things, especially how to defend yourself. Subject thinks it will make the Duke feel safer, if he knows a few sword moves.

Yes, maybe, until he slices his hand open accidentally, or gets a splinter from one of those bloody wooden swords. Because when that happens there will be tears and drama. And I will have to fix it.

I could not get Subject to refuse to teach the Duke. In the end he found another stick and in my frustration with him, I grabbed it, bopped him on the head with it (but only lightly) and ran away. It is only a shame that the stick did not have commonsense written on it already.

-!-

_Some time later…._

-!-

I am watching sword training from the sidelines, rather than my usual stalking hideout, because I wanted a better view of the inevitable failure of the first lesson. Subject had to patiently explain to the Duke that he could not teach him firebending because the Duke wasn't a firebender. Besides Aang is already handful enough for Subject.

Aang has not mastered the _crouching dragon_ on his own. Aang, in fact, spent most of the day gliding with Teo because he thought Subject wouldn't notice him slacking off. Subject noticed and was displeased.

The Duke was a bit upset about not learning firebending, because he is irrationally obsessed with Subject and wants to be like him for some strange reason. Then Sokka presented him with the glorified sticks (he had even wrapped a piece of leather around both of the ends to make handles). The Duke was then happy as a clam. The boys gave him tips on stance, grip, basic moves etc. They said if he wanted to copy Sokka's style, he was to use one stick (and possibly make a lot of _yeehaaa!_ noises to go along with his moves), and if he was copying Subject he could use two. Of course the Duke used two the whole time! It's double the fun for the Duke. Still, to be fair, the lesson was not a complete disaster and the Duke is cheerfully practicing some of the things the boys showed him while I make dinner.

-!-

_Some time later still…_

-!-

The Duke has, since his lesson, _accidentally:_

Knocked Toph off her feet (but only that one time because Toph was quite displeased).

Smacked Teo in the face three times.

Hit me in the boob four times while I was making dinner (he was promptly banished from the kitchen after the fourth time).

And whacked Haru at least five times, once rather forcefully in the balls. (Not sure if this was an accident, Haru had been making fun of the Duke's swords at the time.)

We are all in agreement. Giving the Duke swords and teaching him to use them was a ridiculous idea. Power to the majority! The Duke, Sokka and Subject still maintain it was a good idea and the Duke will get better at it. Aang refuses to cast a vote because he wishes to stay neutral, so as it stands, it is 4 vs 3!

Take that Subject! Majority rules!

-!-

Things I have learned about Subject:

Though I absolutely hate to admit it, and will never say it to his face, Subject may have a point about teaching kids how to defend themselves. Even if only for their own sense of security. We are at war after all.

I would love to protect all the kids from all harm. As a master waterbender now I am able to do it. But as a child I was so defenseless and I didn't know any self defense and perhaps if I had, then that day when my mother was….no I can't think about this too much. I have done the _what if's_ before.

But perhaps Subject is not entirely wrong about children feeling safer when they know a few fighting moves. Especially if the adults in their life are absent and cannot protect them.

  * Subject must have felt quite powerless/defenseless at some point in his childhood, to be so adamant about this. Though this is only wild speculation and based upon the way he was talking about kids needing to know how to defend themselves. Is that how he got his scar? When he was a child? I still dare not ask.
  * Subject actually likes teaching people things he knows. It makes him feel useful.
  * Subject can be rather sweet to small, rambunctious, stick-wielding boys.
  * Subject and Sokka are both idiots and lacking in commonsense. But both are kind to small children.
  * Subject wishes Aang was more like the Duke. He shows the Duke something one time, and the Duke practices it. He shows Aang something eighteen times, and Aang goes gliding with Teo.



-!-


	8. The ridiculous disappearance of Subject and Sokka

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The ridiculous disappearance of Subject and Sokka

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject has his fireflakes back.

Sokka, while looking for the seal jerky he _knows_ I am saving for special occasions (he still hasn't found it. I am so wily) stumbled across the hidden compartment that I found the other day and discovered Subject's fireflakes instead. To Sokka they were just as good a snack as anything (Why brother? Why?) and he proceeded to eat them in tiny but steady amounts as opposed to Subject's giant fistfuls.

This was how Subject found him. Sitting with the fireflake bag in hand with the fireflake crumbs of guilt around his mouth. Subject was most perplexed and vaguely irritated. Subject now believes that Sokka is the one who made off with his fireflakes and has stated that next time Sokka should just _tell_ him that he's taken them because Subject has been looking for _days_. Sokka protests that he didn't take them, but in a manner that makes him sound guiltier than he actually is.

Subject, just this morning was convinced that I had taken them (which I had, but Subject doesn't need to know that)and we had a small argument about this. Subject has now _apologized_ to me for accusing me of being a fireflake thief and feels quite badly, if a bit confused about the whole misunderstanding this morning. Subject is one of the least apologetic people I know and an apology from him is rare. I have now gotten two apologies from Subject in three days! Go me! I decided not to set him straight and simply enjoy the apology as it happened. Subject owes me so many apologies that I will take what I can get.

I have been thinking that maybe Subject is okay really. I am thinking of relaxing my stalking regime because Subject isn't so bad. Some of the time. Most of the time he is still a jerk. But sometimes he is okay.

Things I learned about Subject.

  * Subject is capable of going three whole days without fireflakes and the world did not end.
  * Subject was not as mad at Sokka for taking the fireflakes to snack on them as he would have been at me for taking them out of spite.
  * Subject, when he feels that he is really in the wrong, apologizes quite sincerely. The hard part is making him feel that he is really in the wrong.



-!-

Another day stalking Subject. He has had his fireflakes back **one day** and has consumed about three days worth in one sitting. He says it is to get the lingering taste of seaprunes out of his mouth. Hardy har har Subject. The joke will be on him when he runs out of his favourite flake. They are already almost gone. What will I do to get back at him when I cannot hide his fireflakes? Something to ponder on.

Hide his Dao swords?

Unmatch all his socks? And then re-match them with the wrong pairs?

Put too much salt in his food?

Tell him the Duke is playing with knives again and just watch his panicked face?

Get Teo to ask him to explain the extremely complex firenation governmental system _again?_ (Teo asked once, in honest curiosity, but after two hours of painful explanation and three pie charts that Subject drew himself on the wall, Teo wheeled away in bewilderment.)

Subject is getting more comfortable with everybody and no longer seems vaguely nervous in group situations. Previously, I admit, I may have tried to make him feel slightly unwelcome in group situations, notwithstanding the _great sea prune debacle._ Apparently everyone except me and Sokka felt vaguely nervous that dinner.

Subject has made tea for everyone again. Though it pains me to praise anything subject does, he does make the best cup of tea out of all of us. Is this something he picked up working in that teashop? Subject has also taken to attempting to tell jokes this evening. I do not know why.

Subject **fails** at jokes.

I have been sarcastic about Subject's ability to joke. Subject excels at sarcasm. He should stick to that. Sokka pulled him aside, presumably to teach him a joke or how to be less bad at jokes or to tell him to stop with the jokes. I hope it is the latter.

Things I have learned about Subject.

  * Subject can make a lovely pot of tea.
  * Subject cannot tell a joke.
  * Despite this, Subject still tries and fails to tell jokes.
  * Subject hit a smile record today. I counted nine smiles (I got two) and I wasn't watching him the whole time (because I am relaxing my stalking just a little.)



-!-

_The next day…_

-!-

 **That's it!**

I am never letting Subject out of my sight when he gets back! He is sneaky and wily and prone to absconding without telling me!

Subject is gone!

Again!

And so is Sokka!

Subject just makes things disappear; Toph's obstinacy, Aang's avoidance and my commonsense all disappear around Subject. Now Subject has disappeared my brother!

They have left a note of lame excuses that says they are going fishing.

They are so obviously **not** going fishing. Nobody sneaks off to go fishing in the middle of the night. Nobody needs to go fishing that badly!

Can Subject even fish?

Who, out of Subject's evil, homicidal and most likely inbred family would have taken him fishing? Certainly not his Uncle. I know Toph thinks Subject's Uncle is just _the most awesome guy ever_ , but that guy didn't strike me as super outdoorsy. Indoorsy and tea loving-yes, outdoorsy and fish loving-no. On a fishing trip, Subject's Uncle would most likely bring a big pot of tea, espouse some wisdom and make some jokes. No actual fish would be caught, because catching fish would not be the point of fishing with Subject's Uncle. They would be trying to catch the fish of wisdom and metaphor. _Voila_ Fishing with Subject's Uncle.

Who does that leave? His evil dad? I'm sure Ozai would have found some was to make fishing evil and full of pain. He probably would have killed a few people on the way, drowned a few baby rabbiroos for shiggles and then poisoned all the fish and called the trip a success. _Viola_ Fishing with Ozai!

Is Sokka teaching Subject to fish? Is this a male bonding thing? Sokka will definitely make fishing painful. He is the guy who's had two fish hooks in his thumb after all. I am sure, that if this is the case, it will all end with one of them giving the other one a noogie…and there will be an inelegant struggle… and then both of them will fall in… and scare away all the fish. _Voila_ fishing with Sokka.

Why did they not ask me to come along? I am better at fishing than Sokka and I am a waterbender.

Or maybe this is not a fishing trip at all. Maybe this is all Subject's idea and I will not even be able to fathom the depths of its deviousness. Because Subject is all kinds of devious. It just goes to show you. I loosen up in my stalking of Subject for **one day** and he absconds with my brother. You give Subject an inch…

I really I thought after the other day that in the orchard that Subject wouldn't do sneaky things in the future and I wouldn't have to watch him so closely. I mean we really talked! If he was going to run away with Sokka, I thought he would have at least told me. Sokka is my brother and he is my Subject and now I don't know where they are. I am very cross.

When Subject returns he is in so much trouble. I may even consider tying a bell round his neck, like Toph had on her flying pig Meng back in Gaoling.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject is far sneakier than I realize.
  * Even Subject's written excuses are lame!
  * Subject's handwriting, however, is quite neat. This does not counteract the lameness of the excuses by any means.



-!-

Second day without Subject and Sokka. I am strangely listless without his annoying, proud, jerky self to follow around. I have been through Subject's stuff looking for clues to their whereabouts. Found no clues, but one shirt that needed mending. I have mended it. Now I am at a loss with what to do with myself. Will bother Toph again.

-!-

_Some time later…_

-!-

To pass the time I decided to bother Toph about Subject again. She is too friendly to Subject. She is always talking with him and making him laugh and I am sick of it. I have begun to suspect that Toph has a little crush on Subject. Why else would she always be following him around! Why else would she make him carry her everywhere? She can walk fine!

Toph laughed her arse off at me.

Toph alleged that _I_ am the one with the crush on Subject.

Toph is crazy.

This is ridiculous. Who would have a crush on Subject? He is moody, temperamental , stubborn as all hell, eats fireflakes by the bucket load so if you ever kissed him he would taste like one big giant fireflake and I hate that taste and… he is prone to bouts of wallowing and dramatics and….. he is a jerk and…. he disappears when you least expect it and he takes your brother with him when he does….and he has stupid hair!

All I feel for Subject is a deep sense of mistrust and annoyance.

I do not miss Subject and his Subject-ness.

At all.

Things I learned about Subject:

Close proximity to Subject is making Toph stupider/ delusional.

-!-

Third day without Subject and Sokka.

Toph is training Aang in earth bending most vigorously with Haru "helping". Haru really wants to learn metal bending from Toph because he thinks it is the coolest thing ever. I think Haru has taken to stalking Toph. She is a bit stand offish with him and always knows when he is following her, which is most of the time. He follows her around adoringly. I think it is sweet.

She does not like it.

Haru offered to carry her around now that her two favourite Toph-carriers are absent and she was **horrified.** Apparently she only wants lifts from Subject or Sokka. She has asked me to give Haru something to do so he stops stalking her. She has asked him directly and bluntly many times, to no avail. I have told him to go off and look for bits of metal and then get Toph to teach him how to bend them. There is almost no metal in this temple so he will be gone for ages.

I think it will be hilarious when he comes back and presents Toph with his gift of metal.

I am so wily.

The Duke also went through Subject's stuff because he wanted to 'have a go' with Subject's Dao blades. The Duke has cut his hand open. Subject keeps them in good nick and they are ridiculously sharp. The Duke just touched it, apparently, and it cut his hand. I do not believe the Duke _just touched_ it, but I have healed his hand (he was most fascinated by this) and hidden the Dao blades out of the Duke's reach. And also Haru's. They are made of metal after all.

Have hidden Sokka's space sword as well, just in case.

Teo is now helping Haru look for metal.

But all of us are starting to wonder what happened to the boys. I hope they are okay. I just have no idea. Where did they go? They better come back with the most enormous fish I have ever seen to justify all this worry that I am doing on their behalf.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject is as meticulous about taking care of his swords as he is about everything else.



-!-

Fourth day without Subject and Sokka.

I am really worried now. Where are they? What are they doing? Who's idea was this? I bet it was Subject's and I bet it is a **stupid** idea. Aang says that I shouldn't worry so much. Aang believes that Sokka and Subject will look after each other and will be back tomorrow.

Aang has abandoned the various firebending tasks that Subject has set him. Aang says that Subject is not here to make him do it and what Subject doesn't know won't hurt him and he wants to go gliding with Teo. I have urged Aang to try practice without Subject and to show some initiative etc. I have eventually told Aang that Subject will most definitely **know** that he has not been practicing (because either myself or Toph will tell him) and will be very cross and give him a Subject-scolding when he gets back.

Toph is hiding from Haru at the moment. It is adorable. Haru has taken all the spoons from the kitchen, as according to him, they are the least useful utensil and can be sacrificed on the great altar of learning metal bending. He is carrying them around in a pillow case as he looks for Toph, so she hears and feels him coming a mile away. Even I can hear him a mile away and I do not have Toph's super hearing. He will never find her at this rate.

Aang is very reluctantly doing fire squats at the moment.

I miss Sokka.

I still do not miss Subject.

Not even a little bit.

Not at all.

So there Subject.

Things I learned about Subject:

Less than nothing!

-!-

Fifth day without Subject and Sokka.

Sokka and Subject are not back. I am really worried about Sokka and Subject now. I am not even paying attention to everyone else's shenanigans because I am so distracted.

I cannot even write I am so tense. I have rearranged the kitchen cupboards twice. Subject and I had a small argument about this on that day that we rearranged the kitchen. Subject wanted to arrange them in order of use (the chillies would have prime place according to Subject) and I wished to alphabetize. I won.

Today I have rearranged them in order of use, but I didn't like how it looked so I put it back the way it was.

Then I had a small cry of frustration and worry

Where are they?

-!-

_Later that evening…_

-!-

Subject and Sokka are back! With my Father and Suki and some random beefy guy called Chit Sang. They went to prison! **Prison!** Trust Subject to get my brother locked in prison. Everyone has busted out of prison together and they are one big group of prison escapees who have in-jokes and a big shared experience of adventure. They have turned up in a giant airship which we will have to hide or destroy somehow.

There is much rejoicing.

My father is back. Me and Sokka have our dad. We're a family again and it's all too much. I just can't believe Dad's here and it's just wonderful. I have no words. I'm just… I don't know. What is this feeling? I just feel happy and surprised and elated and so many things.

Less wonderful is the fact that Dad has taken a _liking_ to Subject. He has described Subject as a _good lad,_ which is such a Dad phrase, though it is completely inaccurate. He likes Subject for his loyalty to Sokka and for his ability to think ahead. This has something to do with gondolas. Subject has never thought ahead _in his entire life_ and I am unclear as to how he did this on a Gondola.

I am unclear as to what actually happened at that prison. Their escape story was told with much enthusiasm and hand gestures by Sokka, but what I imagine is a little exaggeration. There is no way they have giant freezers made of ice in a fire nation prison and no way Subject would willing volunteer to be thrown in one for an indeterminate amount of time. Subject _hates_ the cold.

Suki has also been rescued from prison and Sokka is absolutely over the moon. Oh. No pun intended. Sokka is quite joyous. I like Suki. I think she is good for Sokka, so I am glad too. I am also glad to have another girl around my own age in the group.

I have no opinion on the beefy inmate Chit Sang, except that I find it hilarious when he corrects Subject's grammar. This annoys Subject very much, so carry on Chit Sang. Chit Sang has also made the others stop at a town so that they could get a rather large quantity of Sake to celebrate sweet, glorious freedom. I am about to cook a big feast to welcome everybody back, also to celebrate sweet glorious freedom.

Subject looks strangely fetching in his prison uniform. It is most distracting.

Am I a weirdo for thinking this?

While I did not miss him at all, I am quite happy he is back. But I haven't had much of a chance to chat to him because of cooking and reuniting with my dad and Toph.

Toph is sticking to Subject like glue at the moment. Haru is still vaguely nervous around Subject and leaves Toph alone about the metal bending when she is with him. (She eventually relented and did try to show him with the spoons yesterday, but he needs to work on his concentration apparently. I think he needs to work on **not** ruining all the spoons. But that is just me.) Subject is giving Toph a piggyback at the moment and she is chatting to him about all the cutlery based shenanigans of the past few days.

Things I learnt about Subject:

  * Subject adores Toph. I get the feeling she is the little sister he's always wanted, instead of the sister he actually got.
  * When Subject disappears, there is normally a reason behind it.
  * Subject and Suki have settled their differences re: Subject burning down Suki's village. I pulled Suki aside to ask her about it and she said the dreaded phrase. Subject is kind of cool. Humph.



Suki did add the caveat that this coolness is directly related to Subject being of assistance in their prison escape and also the fact that Subject is quite loyal to Sokka. This loyalty has redeemed him in Suki's eyes, as she is quite fond of Sokka herself.

Subject apparently let Sokka arrest him and throw him in prison so as not to blow both their covers.

Apparently, he gave Sokka a very rousing ' _never give up just because you've failed before etc'_ speech when Sokka was feeling quite down and wanting to abandon the plan and not try to rescue dad? !

Not rescue dad?

There is much more to this story and I will find it out tonight. From someone other than Sokka, who cannot tell this story without using the phrase 'firebender slice!' and making a whooshing noise.

Subject's firebending does not go whoosh.

-!-


	9. A drunken interlude

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

A drunken interlude

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

We had a big dinner all together and much fuss was made over the various heroics of everybody. Apparently Suki can defy gravity and climb up walls and do various other acrobatic things on a level we have only previously seen from Dippy-flippy (the friend of Gloomy Hairbuns and Subject's sociopathic sister.) Sokka and Subject have developed their own in-joke. It is something to do with failure and thinking things through. I do not understand why this is funny, but they find it hilarious.

It was very intense few days for my escapees with much ado and shennagins death- defying feats. There was an initial escape plan that Sokka pulled out of because he thought Dad might show up. Suki and Subject stayed with him even though it meant going back to their prison cells. Good thing too, because that escape attempt failed. Spectacularly.

Also, I was wrong earlier. It turns out Subject really did let Sokka lock him in a cooler. (?) I have many questions. Subject and Chit Sang staged a fight about grammar and he got locked up for an indeterminate period of time. Apparently coolers are giant ice blocks that are freezing. I asked Subject if he got very cold, but Subject replied that he used his firebending to keep himself warm. This seemed to alarm Chit Sang some what. And Chit Sang has been asking Subject if he feels okay repeatedly and giving Subject weird looks ever since. Subject is perplexed by this sudden concern for his welfare from Chit Sang, but says he feels fine. Chit Sang, I feel it must be said, is just a giant gorillabear of a person, who does not seem like he is prone to showing much concern for other people, so Subject's confusion is understandable.

After the failed attempt, there was much ado within the prison because my Dad showed up and a new plan had to be devised rather quickly. Sokka and Dad came up with a very flimsy escape plan involving a riot and a gondola and everyone just went along with this plan. Why? Possibly because nobody had any better plans. Subject got taken away to be interrogated by Gloomy Hairbuns at some point. Bloody Gloomy Hairbuns. Could Gloomy Hairbuns get Subject to talk? Using her gloomy wiles?

What are her gloomy wiles? What does she have up her sleeve?

Beside, you know, a ridiculous amount of knives.

What does Subject see in her? Is it her hairbuns? Her Gloominess?

Then Subject's sociopathic sister and Dippy-Flippy showed up and there was drama and shenanigans and fighting on gondolas and people nearly falling off gondolas and Wardens being douchebags. Sokka says we will have to send Gloomy Hairbuns a big thank you card and a fruit basket when the war is over. Apparently she was instrumental in helping them escape and without Gloomy Hairbun's contribution; everyone would have died a nasty, fiery, boily death. Subject's homicidal crazy sister tried to kill them all but was thwarted by Gloomy Hairbuns and her ridiculous amount of knives. She and Gloomy Hairbuns have come to blows. Subject is most worried about Gloomy Hairbuns and doing that woe-is-me-thing that he does when he feels guilty. Apparently he locked her in a cell at some point and they have broken up for sure, but she still tried to save him. And this warrants much lamenting from Subject.

The kids went to bed and we all went to the top level of the temple, near the orchard, so as not to wake them with drunken shennagins. Chit Sang got out the Sake so everyone could celebrate properly. Dad said I couldn't have any sake. Boo. I have missed my father very much but right at that moment I was cross with him. Why is Sokka allowed to get drunk and I am not? Dad's said it was because I was still his little girl. Right! As if that explains anything!

Suki and Subject both sneaked me sips of their drinks though, so I am feeling a bit merry at this present moment. Suki however, said she wouldn't drink much, out of girl-solidarity with me! Go Suki. So we will both be in better shape than any of the menfolk tomorrow, some of whom are going to be sad, hungover pandas tomorrow.

They played a drinking game about who had been in prison the longest. Chit sang won (two years) followed by Suki (a few months) then Subject (a few days) and then my father (one night). Subject claimed that Sokka shouldn't count because he got to masquerade as a guard and didn't have to get beaten up/ locked in coolers and all the various other things the prisoners had to put up with. The other prisoners agreed. Sokka protested. A small argument ensued.

Subject and Chit Sang had a drunken firebending duel for reasons I cannot fathom. It had something to do with what happened in prison. A rematch, I think. Drunken Subject was convinced he would have won that fight if they had been really fighting. Chit Sang who is the size of six Subjects put together was doubtful. So they had to have a duel right then and there to settle it like manly men. Surprisingly, Subject won, even though he was very drunk and Chit Sang sat on him at one point. That was most hilarious. Chit Sang stopped worrying about how Subject was feeling promptly after this duel. Because Subject kicked his arse.

Sokka and Subject both are two-pot-screamers, it must be said. They were more than a little wankered and had starting slumping against each other and were talking very deeply and meaningfully about honor and planning ahead and not planning ahead and failure and their place in the universe. Suki and I could not follow their conversation but it seemed to make sense to them. I went over and started talking to my Dad. I can't believe he's really here and I just wanted to talk to him all night to be sure. It is so great to have him here. Even if he doesn't let me have Sake, I still love him and I've missed him so much.

Suki and Chit Sang had an argument over whether it was tougher in the woman's or the men's prison. Both sound extremely rough and violent to me.

There was a sing-song with much swaying. We taught everyone a few water tribe chants and ballads and Suki regaled us with a Kyoshi Island tune (about how Avatar Kyoshi was a total fan-wielding-badass) and Chit Sang and Subject sang a few firenation songs. Most of them were about the sun and how lovely/shiny/awesome it was. Chit Sang has a pleasant singing voice. As does Suki. And very surprisingly, so does Subject. I started singing the secret tunnel song, just to annoy Sokka and everyone else joined in. It was great.

After the sing-song Dad declared everyone should get off to bed. Sokka and Subject, being the idiots they are, struggled with this instruction. Sokka complained that it wasn't because he was drunk, it was just because his feet weren't listening to him. Subject beckoned me over and whispered quite conspiratorially at me: I think I might be a little drunk, but don't tell Katara. She'd be mad. I tried to explain to Subject that I was Katara, I had already figured out that he was drunk (it was no secret) and that I was more amused than maddened by him at this stage in the evening, but I would quickly get mad with him if he didn't get his arse downstairs. This had some success in getting Subject moving. Subject valiantly tackled the stairs with less success.

There were many stairs to get down and the boys' progress was initially quiet slow and giggly and stumbly until Chit Sang got a bit fed up with them. He walked over to Subject and lifted him bodily up and over his shoulder and started carrying him down the stairs and gestured for Dad to do the same to Sokka. Dad complied. Sokka was cool with it and sort of drunkenly snuggled against dad in quite an affectionate manner. Subject, however, struggled and flailed a fair bit at the start and exclaimed many times various phrases like: Put me down you big oaf and honestly I'd prefer to walk! and I'm not that drunk. None of us believed him about that last one. We had all seen him singing, after all.

Eventually he settled down and leaned his elbows against Chit Sang's back and looked up and chatted with me (as I was right behind Chit Sang at this point) in a very drunk and friendly manner. He kept commenting on how weird it was to be carried. Apparently no one has carried Subject anywhere since he was sevenish. Unless he was unconscious at the time and Subject doesn't think those times should count. Sokka shouted from Dad's shoulder that he'd count those times anyway. Subject started trying to figure out how many times he's been knock unconscious but lost track at 14. 14 times! No wonder Subject is such an idiot sometimes. He has obviously given himself brain damage at some point.

It was a most unusual conversation. I have never previously conversed with Subject when he was at such an unusual angle or in such a pleasant and easy-going mood. It won't last. Tomorrow he is going to be so hung over it is not even funny.

Well, it is a little funny for me.

Maybe a lot funny.

I may clang some pots loudly near his door early tomorrow and see what he does.

Chit Sang dropped him on his arse by the fountain and said that his job was done and he was going to bed. Dad however, tucked Sokka in like he was a little kid again. It was quite sweet. I showed Suki to her room which is next to Toph's. I walked past the kids rooms. They were all still asleep, so that is good. I was worried that they would be awoken by the antics of upstairs. Aang went to bed so early in anticipation of the intense firebending session that he is sure will happen as soon as the sun rises.

He was complaining about how much Subject is going to make him do tomorrow, but I think secretly he is very happy that Subject is back to boss him around and teach him things. However I think he is being a bit optimistic about having a sunrise training session with Subject tomorrow. I just don't think that is very likely at this point.

Gah! I cannot believe I did this. I am embarrassed to even write this. But when I got back to the fountain I found Subject sprawled against it quite contentedly. Evidently he hadn't moved since I had been gone. I helped him up and made him drink a big glass of water. Apparently it's always about water with me, according to Subject in his drunken state. I would not say I tucked him in. I only made sure he made it to his bed. Even though Subject infuriates me most of the time, I do know that it is largely because of him that I have my Dad with us now. I couldn't just leave him sprawled against a fountain like a struggling starfish after that.

Things I learned about Subject:

  * Subject cannot hold his Sake. Neither can Sokka.
  * Subject is a soppy, affectionate drunk, who is prone to singing and deep and meaningful talks but still retains his Subjectness and gets a bit feisty and wants to fight people, even if they are six times his size.
  * Subject (while drunk) is capable of beating a gorillabear man six times his size, as long as they are also drunk. He performs this feat even after he has been sat on by the gorillabear man. Most impressive.
  * Subject, (while drunk) has declared that my Dad is the coolest dad ever. I beg to differ. I love my dad, but he, like Subject, is not at all cool.
  * Subject has not been carried, by anyone, since he was sevenish. He finds the sensation extremely bizarre. And comments on it frequently.
  * Subject has been hit on the head more times than I think is good for him.



-!-

The next day…

-!-

Clanged pots. Subject was displeased and confused, but got up and just struggled his way through the morning.

Subject is disgustingly hungover.

I would stalk him but he hasn't moved from the kitchen table in about three hours. He sits there with his head flat on the table, muttering about how he will never drink again. Subject definitely cannot hold his liquor like the others. Even Sokka has recovered better than Subject. Sokka was in the same position as Subject, sprawled on the kitchen table, for two hours. But he has recovered somewhat by now.

Subject, however, is just being really clumsy and woozy and bitchy at the moment. Sokka and Dad are teasing him for being a lightweight. But Chit Sang is showing some concern, but this is counteracted somewhat by the fact that he sat on Subject in their duel last night.

Aang has been regaling us (mostly Sokka and Subject) with some air nomad wisdom about drinking. Don't do it! Just say no! etc. This is not nearly as helpful to Subject in his current predicament as Aang seems to think it is. Aang has taken to poking Subject with his glider to encourage Subject to get up and teach him things. Subject would pathetically wave him off to no affect. I had to sternly discourage Aang from this and tell him that Subject would teach him as soon as he was able, but glider poking would not speed up that process.

-!-

I have made Subject several teas that apparently are meant to be good for curing hangovers. Subject says I must be brewing it wrong because his hangover remains. I got a bit shouty with Subject about him insulting my tea brewing capabilities and how he brought this situation on himself. Subject made many pathetic silencing gestures in my direction so I toned down the volume, but the message remained the same. I tried to see if water bending healing works on hangovers. It does not.

I started cooking lunch and Subject made a disgusted face and left to escape the sight and smell of it.

Subject has decided to be useful and start training Aang again. Aang was most anxious to learn things now that his sifu was back, which is a rare mood for Aang.

-!-

Training unsuccessful. Apparently Aang's fire is 'too bright'.

Subject is displeased with Aang's lack of progress and with himself for not teaching Aang more self discipline and firebending. He is too hungover to deal with it in his usual Subject-y fashion (ie. Getting cross and having a bit of a shout.) So he just told Aang that they would start at sunrise tomorrow and Aang should practice leaping tiger form and the bending bamboo defense before the morning. Then he hungover-ed off to have a nap. With almost no prompting/nagging from me.

The apocalypse is upon us!

-!-

Went up to get Subject for dinner, but he said he still felt too hungover to eat. Well, what he actually said was much more grumpy and mumbly, but I got the message.

No more sake for Subject.

Ever.

-!-

Things I have learned about Subject.

  * Subject is even more grumpy than usual when hung over. I did not think it was possible.




	10. How to properly care for your Subject

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

How to properly care for your Subject.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject is Sick!

Subject slept in and did not come down for breakfast which is not like him at all. Aang was worried but didn't want to bother him after yesterday. I have no qualms about bothering Subject. I bother Subject all the time. I was sure he would have recovered from his drunken revelry.

I went to seek out Subject and I found him in his room. He was still in bed and had a high fever. He was sweaty and shivering and tossing about the place. He was a bit delirious and in his delirium he seemed to be really happy to see me. I put my hand on his forehead and he felt like he was on fire! Literally and no pun intended. I know firebenders feel a bit warmer than the rest of us but I did not think this was normal.

I went to get some water and tried to heal him with it, right then and there. Waterbending can heal injuries but not most common illnesses like colds and flu. Yugoda told me that they have to be allowed to run their course. I still thought it was worth a shot. Not only did the waterbending healing not work, Subject picked up the bucket of water and poured it all over himself. Subject's shirt clung to him when it was all wet and I was momentarily distracted. I asked Subject how he felt and eventually got a mumbled _dreadful_ in response.

Chit Sang is unsurprised at Subject's condition and he feels a little guilty because he forgot to tell Subject that you can't firebend in the coolers. Well, you can but it makes firebenders really sick when they do that. Apparently most firebenders make the mistake of using their firebending to keep them warm the first time they get thrown in there. According to Chit Sang, a sickness would hit them a few days afterwards and they'd be down for the count, and then **bad things** would happen to them in prison and they'd never firebend in the coolers again. Chit Sang did not elaborate on what **bad things** entailed and I am grateful. I have a feeling that I really do not want to know. They called it "cooler fever" in prison and it has something to do with expelling too much heat and energy (firebending uses a lot of both) absorbing too much cold from the sub zero temperatures in the cooler that makes them sick. Chit Sang with his _vast medical knowledge_ has prescribed that Subject just needs rest.

Chit Sang is a **bigger idiot** that Subject. I didn't think it was possible that there was a bigger idiot out there than my Subject, but there is. Who forgets to tell someone something like this before you get them thrown in a cooler? I mean _really_ now, who does that? Chit Sang said, in his defense, that he was so excited about escaping that he just forgot to tell Subject. I am beginning to suspect Chit Sang is not especially bright.

Sokka is feeling guilty because the cooler was his idea and they didn't even end up using it to escape and now he has made Subject sick for nothing. Sokka is doing the woe-is-me-guilty dance that is normally the domain of Subject. I am checking on Subject frequently. I don't have time to sit and hold his hand after all. But I come back at least every two hours. Each time I check on him, he says he feels dreadful but is no worse.

_Later that day…_

As I am the closest thing to a medical professional our group has, the care of sickly Subject has fallen entirely to me. Subject will just have to get better the old fashioned way. I have made him comfortable and every two hours I check his temperature and make him drink water, every four hours I make him have a hot honey lemon tea. Subject is dozing fitfully and is most grumpy when woken.

Delirious Subject is prone to mumbling incoherently. Once I thought Subject was coherent, but he obviously wasn't because it became apparent that he thought I was his **Uncle** and he was in Ba Sing Se again. I was slightly offended by this. Do I look like Subject's Uncle? When I last checked I was not a portly, hairy, old firenation general.

When he thought I was his Uncle and he apologized to me **at length** for everything Subject feels he has ever done wrong to his Uncle. It was a long list. Subject apologized in chronological order, working backwards. When he started apologizing for stealing the last dim sim, even though he knew his Uncle wanted it, at some port town restaurant they were in **two years ago** I stopped the flow of apologies because _for crying out loud, I get it, you're sorry and you are being ridiculous. You're apologizing for a dim sim incident that happened two years ago._ As Subject's Uncle, I magnanimously forgave him all his foibles, even his last dim sim thievery. This calmed him somewhat.

The next time he was less delirious and seemed to know it was me, but he is obvious still incoherent because he kept asking me why I was always so mad at him. Normal Subject _knows_ the answer to this. I have many reasons for being mad at him, but all of them escaped my brain in that moment. He also told me that I was pretty which assuaged my anger somewhat at being mistaken for his Uncle. We have had a very unusual conversation about my prettiness and angriness that I know Subject will not remember at all. I am strangely jubilant that Subject thinks I am pretty. I asked him if I was prettier than Gloomy Hairbuns, though I used her actual name so Subject would know who I meant. He said yes and that he thought I was definitely the prettiest girl he knew. But he is delirious at the moment, so I don't know if he means it. But still. Go me!

Take that Gloomy Hairbuns!

Apparently Subject still feels dreadful.

Things I have learned about Subject:

  * Subject, when sick, is soothed by some ice on the back of his neck or a cold compress on his forehead.
  * Subject feels incredibly irrationally guilty about his Uncle and Ba Sing Se, Dim Sims and various other things.
  * Subject thinks I am the prettiest girl he knows. I am prettier than Gloomy Hairbuns.
  * Subject is starting to show other flu like symptoms. Chit Sang says it is not contagious except for him as he is the only other firebender and cooler fever normally only affects firebenders.



-!-

_early the next day…_

-!-

Am sitting with Subject at the moment. He is mumbling in his sleep. I am trying to make out what he is saying but I can't. So I am just sitting here. Watching him. Have been here a long time. I gave him a rather cross speech about how he should bloody well snap out of this and stop wasting my time and just get better already. I don't think he heard me. He normally does what I say when I say it in _that_ tone of voice.

I don't know why I am still here. There are plenty of other things I could be doing.

Subject always seems so healthy that it is very disconcerting to see him so sick.

-!-

_Later the next day…_

-!-

Good thing that I was sitting with Subject because Subject's fever suddenly spiked terribly. He stopped mumbling and just lay still and it was freaky quiet. He was too hot, even for a firebender. I couldn't wake him up, not even to get him to tell me that he felt dreadful. I called Toph for a second opinion and to make sure I wasn't imagining it. She felt his forehead and her eyes widened in alarm and she declared that something was wrong.

Ice baths are used as a last resort for treating fevers at the North Pole, only when a fever reaches absolute dangerous levels. I decided that this qualified as a dangerous level. I got my Dad to carry Subject to the fountain. I waterbended ice into it. Do you want to know what happens when you put a hot, feverish firebender into an icy fountain?

They'd do not like it!

At all.

He dropped Subject in the fountain and Subject came to himself with a loud yell. He was most irate at being put in an icy fountain and there was much ado! Everybody within close range got splashed with icy water. There was much shouting and swearing and poorly planned escape attempts on Subject's part.

I was able to get some sense out of Subject. I explained to him that he had to stay in until his fever dropped a little. After much grumbling and three attempts to escape (feverish Subject does not move as quickly as healthy Subject and thus is easier to subdue) Subject complied and stayed in. When Subject's fever felt like it was dropping, I took him back to his room and waterbended the ice water out of his clothes.

I… gah, I am embarrassed to even write it…this is even more embarrassing than tucking him in when he was drunk. I brought Subject some healing soup and made him eat it all and then I…I tucked Subject in (again), and sat with him for a bit. Subject, still feverish and disorientated, asked for a lullaby and…I sang to him, a little water tribe nursery rhyme. Then another one. Maybe even a third, until he fell asleep.

What is wrong with me?

Singing to Subject?

Sickly Subject has brought out my maternal side and it is most distressing. All I want to do is make him feel better and that is very weird, because normally I just want to annoy him. I wish him to recover so we can revert to our previous antagonistic friendship and never mention this lullaby singing weirdness again. Still my song seemed to comfort Subject somewhat. He is sleeping now. The last time I checked on him, it felt like his fever had broken, thank goodness.

-!-

Went to check on Subject again. Subject is sleeping normally, but very deeply. He is back to normal temperature. While I was leaning over Subject to check his fever, Subject said my name in this fluttery little voice that I have _never_ heard from Subject before.

It was just a soft little _Katara._

I thought he was awake, but he was still sleeping. Subject is dreaming about me! And it is obviously a good dream. I feel strangely elated.

-!-

_The third day of Subject's illness._

What is the most annoying creature in the world?

It is Subject!

Subject in his present state of sickliness, who just needs to lie down and do what I say.

Subject is much better. I know this because Subject has not stopped **complaining** all day! About how dreadful he feels, how sick he is, his runny nose, his headache, about his various other flu symptoms, about how flavourless the soup I am making him eat is. Hmph! I am sick of Subject complaining. I had to get Toph to metalbend all the spoons back into shape just so he can have soup, but does Subject appreciate this? No, he does not!

We have had a small argument about the soup. Subject thinks fireflakes sprinkled on the soup will improve it. Subject has spoken at length about the immune system boosting qualities of fireflakes. I think Subject just wants fireflakes, but we have run out of the disgusting baked good Subject is so fond of (Chit Sang has consumed the last of them) and he cannot have any. Subject was most despondent when I told him this.

I am not surprised in the least that Subject is a bad patient who cannot just relax. I have chased many of Subject's less relaxing visitors away. Aang has come to see Subject and they talked at length about firebending and what Aang should work on while Subject is sick. Aang has been practicing with Chit Sang and he can now do something called the _leaping tiger form_ very well. Aang wants to show this to Subject and Subject wants to see it! But they will have to wait till tomorrow. Because Subject is to stay in bed until he feels better. Subject, naturally, keeps trying to sneak out of bed and past me to help Aang with his firebending. Aang encourages him in these various attempts to escape. I have caught him seven times already today. I do not think Subject fully appreciates how sick he was yesterday and how worried he made me. I mean us. How worried he made us. He thinks I am just being a bossy boots at the moment.

Toph is a frequent visitor who is frequently ejected. She punches Subject to show affection and this is not conducive to the healing process. Toph disagrees with me. We had a small argument. She accused me of wanting to keep Subject _all to myself._ Within Subject's hearing! Who would want to keep a grouchy, mumbly, disobedient, sickly, cranky Subject all to themselves! If she had any medical skill what so ever, I would gladly hand care of Subject over to Toph. Subject was looking a little confused and I think vaguely smug when I came back into the room. I have told Subject that my medical attention to his person should in no way be construed as a desire to 'keep him to myself.' I just want to help him get better so I can go back to being rude to him.

Sokka has come to see if Subject was up to sparring with the space sword yet. Eight times. No Sokka, and the answer has been no for the past eight times you've asked. Subject thinks he is much better than he actually is and wants to get up and whack Sokka with his swords. Another small argument ensued. Subject is now pouting.

In short, Subject is a most difficult and disobedient patient. Subject must rest if he wants to get better and he keeps getting up and trying to do things and we have had many arguments about this today. I actually think I am argued out. I have no more arguments. Just crossness and frustration. And it is all Subject's fault.

I miss normal, stoic Subject who had forbearance and didn't complain every five minutes.

I miss sleeping, docile Subject.

Oh what the hell, I even miss feverish, disorientated Subject.

Sick, but alert and complaining Subject is the most annoying thing I have ever encountered.

-!-

_The fourth day of Subject's illness…._

-!-

Went to the shops with Dad because he feels we've had so little time together, just to two of us, since his break from prison. We needed to get some new supplies and I am going stir crazy looking after Subject. Even when he's not doing anything but lying in bed he drives me crazy! I left Suki on Subject guarding watch. She is to make sure he stays in bed. I trust Suki with this job. I would not trust either Aang or Sokka or Toph. They all miss their boyfriend now that he is sick and wish to play with him. They are only encouraging Subject to make various escape attempts and spar with them. It is most frustrating.

While at the market I bought sweet chili fireflakes for Subject (I know these are his favourite because I wrote it down in here) as well as a cream made out of eucalyptus that is meant to ease flu symptoms. Subject's firebending is obviously melting my brain because I just parted with good money for that unholy, disgusting baked good known as fireflakes. But they will cheer Subject up and at least it will stop him complaining for the few seconds it takes for him to chew them.

-!-

_Later still…_

_-!-_

Suki is **banned** from Subject sitting.

In my absence, Suki and Subject had a conversation about whether Dao swords were the superior weapon to Suki's Kyoshi fans. Subject apparently said something unflattering about Suki's kyoshi fans and it became a matter of honor. They had to settle it like warriors- even though Subject is still quite sick and just needs to bloody well stay in bed and stop goading people into fights.

Suki allowed Subject to get up and help Aang with his firebending and spar with Sokka to practice for their upcoming duel in which Kyoshi fans would be found victorious.

Okay. I left her with two instructions.

1 Subject stays in bed.

2 No sparring, no matter how much the other boys plead.

Imagine my dismay, when we returned to find that Suki had not only ignored both instructions, but she was **sitting on top** of Subject after having beaten him in their duel, Kyoshi fans in hand, waving them in Subject's face until he took back whatever he said initially about the Kyoshi fans (neither Subject nor Suki can quiet remember what it was). Aang and Sokka and Toph were cheering them on.

I was most irate! I was a bit beside myself with crankiness actually. I gave a big long lecture about how ridiculous they all were and how I was the only sensible one and I couldn't leave them for five minutes. Suki, in her defense had stated that he really seemed much better and the boys really wanted to spar with him and she had to avenge her fan's honor. Subject voiced his approval of the avenging of honor and they both felt my **wrath.**

Subject is back in bed now and there he will stay!

Even if I have to stand at his door all night and glare him into submission.

-!-

_Later again…._

-!-

Subject is feeling dreadful again. I am not surprised. It serves Subject right. I will not give him the bloody fireflakes or the bloody eucalyptus cream in retaliation for his antics.

-!-

_Later still…_

-!-

I have relented!

I was going to withhold the eucalyptus cream and the fireflakes to punish Subject for his earlier antics. When I went to check on him again Subject apologized for a being a difficult patient and explained that he hardly ever got sick and he really hated being cooped up and not being able to do anything. Subject then thanked me for taking care of him, quite sincerely and it was all very touching.

How does Subject do this? I wanted to stay mad at him and then suddenly I found it impossible.

Subject has tricked me with his Subject-ness. He is so devious.

I went and I got him his stupid, nasty, horrible, disgusting fireflakes and he was overjoyed. He was happier than I have ever seen Subject previously. I got the cream and had to rub it on his chest and back like the lady in the village said.

May I just say that Subject's muscular chest is extremely distracting when you have to rub a cream into it. I got a bit distracted by it and… anyway. I massaged it into his back first and then his chest and that lovely eucalyptus smell filled the room and then we looked at each other a long moment before Subject said that he probably had enough eucalyptus cream on him.

Quite right. I had put a rather large amount on.

I hope it helps Subject feel better.

-!-

Things I learnt about Subject while he was sick:

  * Subject is normally very healthy and hates to be sick.
  * Subject, when sick, is a terrible complainer.
  * I hope that Subject never gets sick again because he is even more impossible to deal with than he normally is when he is ill.



-!-


	11. Sharing Moonpeaches

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Sharing moon peaches.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject is feeling miles better today. Subject claims it is the healing effects of fireflakes that has brought about his recovery. Just to annoy me I think. I think it is the fact that Subject has been abed for the better part if four days that has contributed to his recovery. And that is thanks to me.

Did fireflakes check his temperature every two hours?

Did fireflakes make him chicken soup and honey lemon tea?

Did fireflakes rub ice on his neck?

No, fireflakes did none of these things. I did. Does my Subject remember none of this?

I asked Subject what he remembered from his days of delirium. Subject thought for a second and asked if I dropped him in an ice fountain. Oh sure, that's what Subject remembers! Subject then got the strangest look on his face and asked me if I had sung to him while he was feverish. Bollocks! Why does Subject not remember the things I want him to remember _ie. How he owes me big time,_ but remembers all the things I want him to forget! I have denied the singing vehemently. Hopefully Subject will just think he imagined it.

Subject has been frantically trying to catch up with Aang on all the firebending practice they have missed. Chit Sang has taught Aang some very showy, non-combative moves, the sort of thing we saw at that firenation fair so long ago. Aang loves this sort of stuff and Subject had to get a bit stern with him. Apparently now is not the time for sparkle dragons and look-at-me-firebending, now is the time for lotus forms and don't-mess-with-me-firebending. Aang wants to learn the sparkle dragon. Subject has promised to teach him it _after_ he's mastered a very long list of other forms.

Chit Sang had a very different teaching style to Subject. Chit Sang took to dangling Aang by his ankles when he wouldn't concentrate. Aang actually loved it and thought it was a game, so it was not the most effective discipline technique. According to Chit Sang, when all the blood rushes to your head, you think better. I beg to differ. We have gotten into a small argument about this. Chit Sang's faith that a rush of blood to the head improves intellectual ability explains a lot about Chit Sang.

Chit Sang cannot remember my name and keeps referring to me as little blue. Sokka is big blue. Dad is daddy blue. He has given us all nicknames and **spirits help me,** I actually answered to _little blue_ this morning. Aang is smiley, Toph is tiny, Subject is grumpy and Suki is referred to as my lady, followed by a small bow. Whatever she did in prison has left a lasting impression on Chit Sang and he doesn't want to get on her bad side. The one good thing I can say about Chit Sang is that he's great with the kids. He plays hide and seek and all other sorts of games with them and manages to keep everybody occupied.

Subject and Aang have been at the firebending all day, even though I have been nagging Subject to take it easy. Only because I am not dealing with sickly Subject again, should he have a relapse. Still everybody is quite happy that Subject is feeling better, especially Subject himself, who has his appetite and his usual grumpiness back.

I think Chit Sang was spot on with Subject's nickname.

-!-

Things I have learned about Subject.

  * Subject has possibly gone a little stir crazy at being cooped up.
  * Subject is eager to do things and bend things and teach Aang things and eat things.
  * Subject is terribly ungrateful for all I have done for him. I am cross at him because of this.



-!-

Subject has set Aang a form called the _Phoenix Flume_ which he is to practice today. It is extremely complicated, but apparently very useful. Subject has demonstrated it at least 26 times and I thought I would be able to do it before Aang could. Aang has stepped up his attentiveness to Subject during lessons and seems to be really trying, but it still takes him a while with something this complicated.

Subject made tea for everyone and was just sitting in the kitchen with Dad and Sokka and Suki, while they come up with plans and attacks for when we eventually attack the firenation again. Dad and Sokka are being their usual selves and are making bad jokes and complimenting each other on their genius. There was much hilarity at their cleverness at calling a bomb the stink and sink. We have all been treated to an explanation of how the stink and sink works. They are now trying to come up with a lame pun for something that stinks but is on land. Frequently whenever one of them comes up with a suggestion there is this exchange:

"You are the smartest Dad ever!"

"You are the smartest Son ever!"

And then they do this water tribe high five that they invented themselves.

Suki rolls her eyes affectionately at their shenanigans but Subject was watching them with this really odd look on his face. He got up at one point to make everyone tea again and then after he served everybody he claimed he was going for a nap. Everybody else was okay with this, because he has just been quite sick.

Does nobody else remember that Subject never naps! It's not his thing. Subject hates naps and there was no way he was napping now that he is almost fully healthy again. Am I the only one who notices these things about Subject? Am I the only one with commonsense?

I have checked his room and he wasn't there. Maybe he was pissed off about all these plans to attack his home country. Subject does retain an unhealthy affection for his militant, war-mongering homeland and its people. He's definitely having a mope about that _._ It's just not a good idea to let Subject out of your sight when he's sulking. Who knows what sneaky ideas will come to him mid-mope _._

He had his sad face on when he left. Because he wasn't in his room when I checked, I know that he's moping hard-core. If it's just a small to medium mope he stays in his room. He has a few favourite other moping places that I know. The balcony on the seventh level is where he goes when he's thinking about his Uncle and the big moon peach tree in the orchard is where he goes when he just wants to be alone, so I will try those first.

-!-

Found Subject!

He was in the big moon peach tree in the orchard near the top. My Subject is so predictable. I yelled up to him and he saw me under the tree and gave this big put-upon sigh. Hey! I am the one who is put-upon by Subject's presence, not the other way around. I should be the one doing the put-upon sigh because I was the one who had just wasted my precious time looking for him.

It was the same moon peach tree I had my sulk in after the Great Seaprune Debacle. You get the best view of the valley from up the top and nice views are conducive to a good sulk. I shouted up to him that running away from whatever it was would never work out in the long run and he shout back down that it was working great in the short term.

Is this a thing with us now? Do we have _things_? Thankfully, however, when I started climbing up to where he was, he did not peg bits of leaf and twig at me.

He asked me how I found him and I told him that I knew he always came here when he wanted to be alone and I just had to come and bother him. Subject made an incredulous face at me and the corners of his mouth quirked up ever so slightly.

I know he loves his country and it can't be easy to hear people plan to attack something you love with stink bombs. I started going on about how it shouldn't come as a surprise to Subject that we are planning attacks on the firenation after they have done nothing but attack us for years. But Subject silenced me and said it wasn't about that at all. Subject asking me if I wanted a moon peach. I did. Subject reached over and picked a moon peach and handed it to me and picked another one for himself. We ate moon peaches together in a fruity silence.

The sun was nearly setting by this time and I just wanted him to stop sulking already, so I could go get a start on dinner. I flicked my moon peach seed at him and I ask him if he wanted to talk about it and just **stared** at him. I have noticed Toph do this when she is talking to him. She just stares at him, one eyebrow quirked, until he fessed up to whatever she wants to know. It is amazing. I call it her truth bending ability in my head. Not only can she detect lies, she can get the truth out of someone with just a stare. I thought I would try and see if I could do it too.

But it was _so hard_ not to nag and pick at him and just stay silent and stare.

But it worked!

Eventually Subject fessed up! It was about Dad and Sokka. What could Subject possibly have against Dad and Sokka? Subject got a bit defensive and said he didn't have anything _against_ them at all and that he thought me and Sokka were really, ridiculously lucky to have a dad like my Dad. It was just that he found it hard to watch them together and he wanted to be alone and have a mope, _if that was alright with me._ He said that last bit quite sarcastically and then he gave me a pointed stare, but I just stared back at him. I was not moving! So there.

I tried the truth bending stare again and Subject sort of sighed ruefully and asked if there was an easy way of getting rid of me. I told him that I would go if he told me what was really the matter with him (besides, you know, all the numerous obvious things that are the matter with him) but otherwise he was stuck with me. There was a very long pause.

And then, amazingly, Subject told me what he was really thinking. I feel like this is a momentous occasion. Subject hates talking about feelings and stuff like that. But we had a nice chat about feelings and it was weird, but in a good way. Mostly Subject was just amazed by how much our Dad really cares about us and is always telling us he loves and us and that we make him proud. The making him proud thing especially got to Subject because he said that he tried for sixteen years and his dad had never said that to him.

He'd told me and I knew I should have held up my end of the deal and left him alone. But I didn't just want to leave him. How could I leave him after he said something like that? Subject has the uncanny knack of just saying something so matter-of-factly _(I can't remember the last time someone told me they were proud of me)_ and it just breaks your heart if you think about it too much. This is just wild speculation, but I think Subject has been left alone too much. He goes off and sulks and people just let him. Maybe he wouldn't have minded someone to listen to him, all those other times, if he had felt inclined to speak. Or maybe he wouldn't have minded someone just to sit with him, if he didn't feel inclined to speak. So I stayed.

I have done something really, absolutely, ridiculously embarrassing. Even more embarrassing than singing to him or tucking him in. I am going soft. Subject is tricking me into feeling sorry for him again and I can't seem to stop it from happening. How does Subject do this! He keeps tricking me with his Subject-ness! First I said that if Subject ever repeated what I was about to say I'd make him eat seaprunes again.

Then I told him that he made _me_ proud with how far he'd come since we first met at the South Pole.

Gah! Why did I do this!

And that is not the worst thing. The worst thing is that I _meant_ it.

What is wrong with me?

I wanted to cheer him up, because really, never having anyone tell you they were proud of you is just the saddest thing ever. Subject really has come a long way and I thought he should hear it from _someone_ , even if that someone is me. When I first met him he was an arrogant jerkface trying to catch Aang. He's still an arrogant jerkface, of course, don't get me wrong. I mean it's not like I _like_ him or anything. But he's not so bad really. Aang could have a worse firebending teacher than one who really does _care_ about him and care that he learns and tries his best to make Aang unafraid of fire. Subject left his home to come and teach Aang and fight on our side. And that at least deserves some acknowledgement.

Subject confuses me! He makes me want to be nice to him and I can't figure out exactly how he does this. It is very exasperating.

It made him smile, what I said, just a little. He said I shouldn't patronize him and I said I wasn't patronizing him and then he said I obviously was patronizing him. Then I got a bit cross that my sincerity over _the most embarrassing thing I have ever said_ was being called into question. We had a small argument over whether or not I really meant it.

Subject, I know when I am sincere, not you!

So just shut up and enjoy what maybe one of the only nice things I ever say to you. Ever! If this is how Subject reacts when people say nice things to him (with frustrating disbelief), it's no wonder people don't say nice things to him more often. It's a wonder anyone ever says anything nice to him at all. He is frustrating. I told him all this. I told him that he was the most frustrating person on the planet.

But then HE told ME to stop being difficult and to just enjoy the sunset. I am not the _difficult_ one out of the two of us! But he was smiling as he said it, which was a nice change from his mopey face of a few moments ago. I wanted to argue more, but I had achieved my desired result and got him to bloody well stop moping, so I stayed quiet and watched the sunset with him.

Subject loves sunrises and sunsets. Is this a firebender thing? Or just a Subject thing? I always like to be near the ocean, but I think that's a water bender thing. Is a fascination with sunrises and sunsets the firebender equivalent of that? It was a beautiful sunset. There were lots of colours. We watched in together in a companionable silence. We were just sitting in that tree, side by side, like two people who actually _are_ friends.

And it was annoying and frustrating and weird.

But in a **good** way.

-!-

Things I have learned about Subject.

  * Subject might say he wants to be left alone, but really sometimes Subject just wants someone to sit with him quietly and he has no idea how to ask for that.
  * Subject is mystified by functional family relationships and expressions of affection from fathers. It confuses him.
  * Subject does not know how to react when people are nice to him or say nice things to him.
  * Subject responds to truth bending much better than he responds to nagging.
  * Subject's eyes are actually a goldish-amber colour. I always thought they were a light brown, but they are not.
  * Subject and I can have a nice conversation that doesn't end with me wanting to kill him.
  * Subject loves sunsets and finds them calming.
  * Subject gave me the bigger peach.



-!-


	12. Target practice

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Target Practice

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I have overheard an unusual conversation between Toph and Subject, before breakfast today. Okay, I was eavesdropping again.

Whatever.

Toph woke up early, just to speak to Subject, which is unusual for her. She normally is one of the last of us to get up, but this morning she wanted to wake up before Haru so she would be better able to avoid him. She came up to Subject and boldly asked if there was an _easy way to get rid of a stalker_. Subject seemed very surprised and perplexed by her question. He replied that he didn't think there was an easy way to get rid of a stalker. Or if there was, he hadn't found it yet. At first I thought they were talking about me, but they were actually referring to Haru.

He still stalks Toph and has very affectionately composed some lovely haikus about how awesome she is. He reads them out to her as he follows her adoringly around. Toph hates them. Subject says they are actually quite good Haikus and the one that compares her to an armadillo-bear is especially sweet. Toph earthbended at him in a most irate fashion and said that he was even less helpful than me in this situation. Subject took offense to this.

What the hell is this? I am **always** helpful.

Toph told him about me sending Haru off to find metal. Now he leaves her little metal presents at her door every morning. Mostly in the form of bent spoons. He bends them into flowers and arranges them into bouquets. Toph hates this too. Personally, I think the spoon bouquets are hilarious!

Toph wants Haru to be given something to do. She says he obviously needs something to occupy himself with because he has too much time of his hands, if he is composing haikus and making spoon bouquets. Subject said he'd help her out and then he thought for a bit. Then he got a bit excited because he had come up with an idea. An idea that wasn't stupid.

This is a rare occurrence for Subject.

It actually sounded like a good idea that would occupy her stalker, help Aang learn firebending and help Subject not go crazy from Aang's worrying lack of progress. Subject wants to try working on fast, precision firebending with Aang. He feels it is more Aang's style. It involves smaller, faster blasts as opposed to raw power. There was much talk about how it is based on speed and agility, which Aang has lots of, and Subject wants to try teaching to Aang's strengths, to build his confidence.

Subject wanted to have small targets made for Aang so they could test his accuracy and power. Haru could be put to work making those targets with earthbending. And if all went according to plan and Aang was good at precision bending, then Haru would have to make the targets again tomorrow. Voila, Haru occupied and Aang progressing.

Subject and Toph walked of together to find Haru. He was composing another haiku about how Toph is like a dandelion (how is Toph like a dandelion?) when they found him. They have assigned him his new role as target maker. Since Haru is both nervous of Subject and adoring of Toph, he has set to work straight away.

Subject has gone to wake up Aang and get him started on precision bending.

-!-

We had breakfast all together and afterwards Dad, Chit Sang, Sokka and I helped Subject hang the first lot of the targets in one of the bigger halls. Aang was quite excited to try a new style of firebending. Subject was right, small, fast and precise fire blasts are much better suited to Aang. They worked on getting Aang's speed and power up. Subject told Haru to start making the targets thicker, so Aang will have to hit them quite firmly to crack them. He times Aang to see how many Aang can smash in a minute. 41 targets broken clean through when I last checked.

-!-

Aang has really come along way today. He can smash 72 targets in a minute. Aang is quite pleased with this. He asked Subject how many he could do in a minute and Subject said he could do all of them in a really deadpan tone of voice. Aang did not believe him and wanted Subject to show him. Subject gave a big sigh, flipped the hourglass over and let loose. Every target in the room was smashed in under a minute. Haru is a _sad panda_ about this, because now he has to make every target again. Toph is quite pleased with this result because now he is no longer stalking her, but being constructive.

I think she will miss the bouquets and haikus tomorrow.

-!-

Subject and I always do the dishes together, aside from the nights when he's buggered off somewhere or when he was sick. His firebending is most helpful for heating the water and drying the plates. Chit Sang offered to dry the dishes in Subject's place when Subject was sick, but I didn't think he'd be very helpful, so I declined. Chit Sang looks like he'd be a bit clumsy because he's such a gorillabear of a person.

Subject is really good at those fast little fireballs.

I ask Subject if he'd ever used precision fireballs in combat before. They seem quite contrary to his normal style. He certainly never whipped them out when we were fighting. Subject said he's never used them in combat. But he had his shy smile on, so I knew there was more to the story. I asked him if he had used it for anything else.

The shy smile was back! Ah ha!

He said he'd used it once in Ba Sing Se. I **truth-bended** at him again, and nagged him a little for good measure. It turns out Subject used it to light all the candles at something called the _Firelight Fountain,_ which was his favourite place in the lower ring. I didn't know Subject had lived in the lower ring, which had seemed **really rough** when we drove through it on our tour. I thought he and his Uncle had just naturally ended up in the upper ring, by virtue of being them and we just hadn't run into them. Ba Sing Se is a big city after all. I couldn't see Subject and his Uncle living with all those poor refugees and tattooed, menacing morons in the lower ring. Subject said the lower ring wasn't so bad and after a while he'd gotten used to it and just been glad to be in a city again. He was born and raised in a city after all and is a bit of a city boy at heart. And there were some pretty parts in the lower ring, like the _Firelight Fountain._

What was so special about this Firelight Fountain?

Subject told me a girl called Jin had taken him there and it had been nice. Was this a date?

 **Cripes!** How many floozies has Subject taken up with?

I asked him how Jin wore her hair and what she was like. Subject seemed extremely surprised by my question but replied that she'd been quite perky and forthright and wore her hair in a ponytail. Bloody Perky Ponytail. She sounds like the exact opposite of Gloomy Hairbuns.

Was the Firelight Fountain his favourite place because his date with Perky Ponytail was so awesome? Subject smiled a little ruefully and admitted he's made an arse of himself. This does not surprise me. Subject confessed a little shyly that he feels a bit awkward on dates because he never knows what to say and he always ends up saying the wrong thing. I told Subject his ability to say the wrong thing and make an arse out of himself isn't only limited to when he's on dates. Subject splashed me playfully with the dishwater and I splashed him back. We had a small soap-sudsy water fight. I won.

But I really wanted to know what he'd loved so much about this Fountain, because he seemed to really like it. I was just curious. It is research for this stalking journal…err record of observations after all. I just want to know what makes Subject tick. I asked Subject again and he said he wouldn't tell me now because I would tease him and splash him and wouldn't understand. I told him I wouldn't tease him and I'd try to understand if he told me. He still seemed reluctant. I told him I could tell him what my favourite place was and why, and he could tease me about that. He relented.

He liked the fountain because it had reminded him that not all firebending was bad. And he really needed that in Ba Sing Se because he couldn't bend there and all he heard about in the Lower Ring was about how horrible the firenation and firebenders were. When Perky Ponytail had taken them to the fountain, none of the candles were lit and she'd been sad about that. But he'd made her close her eyes and had been able to light them all in two seconds flat and that had made her happy. And he'd felt happy that his bending could make someone else happy. And everybody was happy.

Until Subject made an arse of himself, that is.

Well isn't that lovely for Perky Ponytail!

Why would Subject think I would tease him about something like that? I know what it's like to feel conflicted about your bending. After Hama. I haven't told Subject about that though. I've never talked about Hama or the Bloodbending to anyone. We were talking about favourite places anyway, not depressing stuff.

I told him my favourite place was the secret tunnel to Omashu, the Cave of Two Lovers. Subject thought I was trying to trick him and said that it was just a legend. I said it was a _real legend_ and he made a doubtful face at me. I told him about how we'd gotten stuck and had to let love lead the way and he'd been a bit sarcastic about the success rate of following love over a **map**. I now understand part of the reason why Sokka and Subject get along so well. I told him about the huge crystals in the ceiling that lit up in the complete darkness when our torch went out.

I though they were so beautiful. Really shiny and pretty.

They gave me hope.

The whole cave reminded me that even when things look bad, like when you're stuck in a labyrinth with no light, there's still hope and a way of going forward. Subject said he probably would not have been able to see the crystals because he would never have stopped using his firebending for a light source, if he'd been in the cave with us. That's probably true. If Subject had been present in the cave, it would have been the one time, in all those months he was chasing us, that he would have been useful to us.

He didn't tease me about liking the cave at all. He said it sounded nice (and he wasn't being sarcastic when he said that) and asked about what type of crystals they were. I wasn't sure and said he'd probably have to ask Aang. Aang knows a lot more about weird crystals on account of his long friendship with Bumi. So that is where Subject has gone now.

Things I have learned about Subject:

  * Subject is actually _quite shy,_ especially when it comes to girls and dates etc, though he hides it very well.
  * Subject is also _completely clueless_ when it comes to girls and dates etc.
  * Subject, despite this, seems to attract floozies with his Subject-ness wherever he goes.



**Note:** How does Subject do this? Does he just go up to girls and say 'hey ladies, I'm dorky and grumpy and clueless with girls, but I am so fit! Seriously, just look at me!"… and then he'd take off his shirt… and floozies would flock from miles around …and gridlock the lower ring in Ba Sing Se…and all would be chaos…and it would be all Subject's fault.

  * Subject likes feeling useful and making other people, especially perky girls with ponytails, happy.
  * Subject likes to help Toph, not matter how ridiculous her problem is.
  * Subject thinks Haru's haikus are sweet.
  * Subject also really does put a lot of thought into training Aang. Aang is far more comfortable with small precise fire blasts and today has really boosted his confidence.
  * Subject does _occasionally_ have an idea that is not totally stupid.
  * Subject is a city boy at heart.
  * Subject didn't find the rough, crime-riddled, poverty stricken lower ring that bad. Maybe all the tattooed, menacing morons didn't give him a hard time. Subject can handle himself in combat and the scar does make him look a lot meaner than he actually is. I wouldn't mess with Subject if I were a tattooed, menacing moron.



Of course, as myself, I mess with him all the time.

-!-


	13. Meddlesome misinterpretations by family and friends.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Meddlesome misinterpretations by family and friends.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject has been in the moon peach tree again.

I don't know what he's moping about now, but I am enjoying the fruits of his mope. He picked a whole bunch of moon peaches this morning and he gave me one in the kitchen before he put them on the table for breakfast for everybody else. It was the best one apparently, just ripe and without any spots.

It was a peachy, tasty peace offering. I asked him what I was meant to be mad at him about now? Why did he feel the need to appease me with a peace offering? He replied that he didn't know, but I'd probably find something to get mad at him about during the course of the day, so it was a pre-emptive moon peach peace offering. Honestly, the way Subject carries on, you'd think I did nothing else but follow him round and scold him. I swatted him playfully with the dish towel in retaliation. He swatted me back and we had a small swatting fight.

At that point, Dad came into help Subject set the table. And he gave us both a weird look and then very pointedly asked Subject for his assistance with the plates.

-!-

_Some time later…._

-!-

So… my Dad's acting weird about Subject.

Really weird.

I don't know if he's following me while I follow Subject, or if he is following Subject himself. If he is also following Subject, that makes Subject the most stalk-able person I know. Subject would have a total of four stalkers, me (the best), the Duke, My dad and some crazy guy who stalked him in Ba Sing Se.

I heard him telling Toph about it. Apparently he and the crazy guy had a crazy sword fight (sword fights with crazy people are naturally crazier) and afterwards the crazy guy stalked him no more. Whether this is due to Subject's prowess with the dao swords or because the crazy guy got dragged away by the cops is still a mystery. Either way, Subject has promised Toph to go all dao sword ninja on Haru if he really is bothering her. Toph declined his kind offer. She kind of misses the haikus. I knew she would!

Anyway, my Dad has taken a…how do I say this…a _keen interest_ in Subject. It is most distressing. I do not know what has prompted this sudden interest in Subject, but suddenly my Dad wants to know all about Subject. He is forever asking Subject to 'tell me all about yourself'. Subject is extremely perplexed by the sudden interest and stutters/mutters/splutters the usual sort of things (name, age, firebending rank, etc) in response to these inquiries.

What is my Dad up to? I plan to have a chat with him as soon as possible.

-!-

_A short while later…_

-!-

Dad is crazy!

He's reading way too much into things!

Dad first claimed his sudden interest is because Subject is a good friend of Sokka's and he wished to know him better. I did not think this is the real reason because Dad gave me a _look_ when he said this. Also, everyone here is a friend of Sokka's, but he's not asking Toph to tell him all about herself, is he?

I nagged a bit. Dad said it was normal for a Dad to worry and to want to get to know the boy who gave his daughter **moon peaches.** But he said moon peaches like he meant _something else._ I knew what Dad was getting at and I was completely aghast! How could Dad think that me and Subject would… I mean eeww.

I told Dad he could put his mind at ease and that it was just a moon peach and that there was no way in this whole entire universe that me and Subject would…exchange the other sort of moonpeaches. Because Subject is annoying and intractably stubborn and willful and impulsive and bossy and he has a terrible temper and he is prone to moping and he's a firebender to boot.

And he eats too many fireflakes.

Dad gave me a very fond look and kissed my cheek and said I was growing up so fast.

What the hell does that mean Dad?

-!-

_Later still…_

-!-

Horrifying turn of events!

Dad has arranged a male-bonding-sort-of-hunting-fishing-faffing-about-in-the-woods- trip. He has taken Sokka, Subject and reluctantly Haru and Chit Sang off into the woods today. They will camp out. Dad said it's a coming of age thing and that all boys should do it when they turn 16 and Sokka and Subject have both had their 16th birthdays in the past year with no smelly male bonding trip. I think Haru and Chit Sang got taken as an afterthought, mostly because Dad did not realize that Haru also turned 16 this year. Well now he knows, because Haru volunteered that information and wanted to come along. And Chit Sang said he didn't want to be left behind with all the womenfolk if there was manliness afoot.

Subject said Haru could take his place because Subject wanted to stay and work on precision bending with Aang. Aang wanted Subject to stay and work on precison bending with him (because he really enjoys it) and for a minute I thought they were going to form a precison-bending-anti-faffing-about-in-the-woods-alliance, but they were both gently over ruled by my Dad. Dad went on about coming of age rituals and manliness and honor. At the mention of honor, Subject was _going_ on the hunting trip whether he wanted to or not. Because failing to go and faff about in the woods all day would somehow besmirch his honor and he can't have that! Stupid honor.

All five of them have set off in search of manliness.

What is my Dad up to?

How long to these hunting trips take?

-!-

Lunch. Uneventful.

-!-

What did I do before I followed Subject around?

-!-

Subject left Aang with a long list of things to practice while he's off being manly. Aang has lost the list and is trying to figure out how to secure the Duke into Teo's chair so they can all go gliding together. At first they planned to tie to Duke to Aang and he'd tandem with Aang on his glider. I gently overruled this somewhat foolhardy plan, and have helped them construct a sort of harness to keep the Duke in the chair with Teo. Aang is prone to doing loop-de-loops and that is hard going for a first time glider like the Duke. It's not that I don't trust Aang to look after the Duke. It's just that I think the Duke would have an easier/safer time if he's harnessed in with Teo.

-!-

It was just us three girls! Toph and Suki and I tried to recreate the fancy lady day spa mud bath. We had limited success. Then we had the idea to try and recreate the sauna and had much better success. And it was a lovely girl's day in! Toph said the sauna would be a lot easier with Subject around to keep the rocks hot and she is right. Perhaps next time I will ask him if he wants to come along and get steamy with the three of us. Cripes! Not in that way! I mean help us with our home made sauna.

We talked about bending with Aang. Toph is quite worried that his earthbending is not up to scratch if he has to face Ozai soon and she knows Subject feels the same way about his firebending. We discussed a few strategies and plans. Suki raised the idea that we wait until after the comet before Aang has to face him. That way Aang can have time to master all the elements and he won't feel so pressured and terrified. She said that now that Ba Sing Se has fallen, there doesn't seem much point in facing him before the comet. We've lost the last stronghold after all. Suki would never send a half trained warrior to face a superior foe if she could help it. We tossed this idea around for a while and couldn't come to an agreement. Toph thinks there is no way that the firenation will let the comet pass without doing something evil and we should try and defeat Ozai before then. I'm on the fence. They both have a good point.

The conversation moved on to Toph's trouble with Haru and the lack of Haikus. She just got used to being constantly told that she was the **most awesome person ever** and now she kind of misses it. I told her that Haru was a nice guy and a good kisser and I got a few pebbles flicked (good naturedly)at me for this comment.

Suki started talking about Sokka's over-protectiveness and how she's an elite warrior who can look after herself, yadda yadda yadda. I realized that Sokka hadn't told her about Yue. I don't know if I did the right thing, but I told her. I thought Suki should know. Sokka got very much more protective of all of us after we lost Yue the way we did.

They both looked at me expectantly as if it was my turn to share something about boys. I didn't really want to talk about Aang and the Great Seaprune Debacle because I feel awkward just thinking about it. So I started talking about my Dad's preposterous notions about me and Subject and moon peaches.

Suki gave me a knowing looking and then asked me what it was like exchanging moon peaches with Subject. She added that she thought it would be HOT and totally cracked herself up and kept saying 'get it- hot because he's a firebender.' Yes Suki, I got it, Toph got it, even the rocks got it.

Suki is spending too much time with Sokka. His terrible jokes are contagious.

I was most irate and embarrassed that she had misunderstood me so badly. I explained that I have never and I do not ever wish to exchange moonpeaches with Subject and that I was just perplexed by my Dad inferring that I did. Toph said that Subject definitely wanted to give me a moon peach. I misunderstood her and took her statement literally and said that Subject had already given me a moonpeach that morning. The girls exploded with laughter.

Then there was much hilarity at my expense while I tried to explain myself.

I mean he gave me an actual, literal, fruity peach. NOT the other peach.

Toph and Suki are very silly sometimes.

-!-

It was just the six of us for dinner. I made a nice soup and Toph bent one of her spoon bouquets back into just regular spoons. I think she looked a little sad while she did this. But she has many more spoon bouquets where that one came from.

The menfolk are still out being manly.

-!-

_The next day…._

-!-

The menfolk have returned. Everyone was all wet for some reason. I asked Dad how it went and he laughed a little and shook his head and said 'Don't ask-you don't want to know.'

What does that mean?

-!-

Just as I predicted, Sokka made a comment about Subject's fishing prowess and Subject tried to give him a noogie in retaliation and the whole thing dengerated into an inelegant joint-noogie-giving struggle that resulted in both of them falling in the river and scaring away the fish. Somehow all the others ended up in the river and no fish were caught.

Boys.

Subject was quite cross that Aang spent all yesterday gliding and they are about to start a grueling training session.

-!-

_Some time later_

-!-

Oh Calamity!

I am incandescent with rage.

I am crosser than I have ever been in my life!

And it is not at Subject!

It is at Sokka! My dirty, smelly, terrible excuse for a brother. Sokka was looking for the seal jerky _again_ and he went through my things and he found this stalking journal… err… record of observations.

AND HE READ IT!

It is such a violation of privacy! It is so terrible! I don't even have the words!

I am so mad!

I was in the kitchen, minding my own business and Sokka came in and started going on about how Subject wasn't such a bad guy and I should lay off on the stalking especially if I fancied him. I asked him how he knew I was stalking (I wasn't going to dignify the fancying comment with an answer) and he waved this book at me and I don't think I have ever been more pissed off in my life. I am just so angry right now. Sokka thinks I have a big fat crush on Subject (Sokka's words, not mine). In fact, our argument culminated in Sokka crowing:

"Why don't you just admit that you have a big fat crush on _Subject_."

The universe must hate me. Subject chose that moment to walk in. Clearly he overheard Sokka's last sentence.

"Who's Subject?" he asked somewhat bemusedly. Sokka nearly asphyxiated from laughter. He told Subject that he would _figure it out_ and then _he gave Subject this book_ , clapped him on the back and left. Subject gave me an odd look and opened his mouth to say something. I will never find out what he was about to say because in that moment I tackled him to the floor! A proper water-tribe style tackle at that.

I was in a blind panic. What else could I do in a blind panic but tackled Subject to the floor and wrested this book from his grasp. Actually he gave it up quite willingly and was rather surprised to be tackled by me. He probably would have given it back if I only asked politely, but I didn't think of that in my blind panic. Subject asked me if I was okay in a rather confused fashion and looked extremely baffled by the fact that I was sitting on top of him. I got up quite quickly when I realized I was sitting on him.

In a fit of maturity, I told him he had stupid hair and was lame and annoying and I was cross at him. I then ran away like a little girl. I could hear him exclaim 'What have I done now?' rather exasperatedly behind me.

I am ashamed.

And cross!

-!-

_A little while later…_

-!-

I have had words with Sokka. Very strong, angry words. I have had words with Suki to relay to Sokka, which were the more reasonable words of female solidarity and lady-outrage. Sometimes Suki is more convincing than me when it comes to dealing with Sokka. After a much briefer conversation with Suki, he has stopped teasing me and has promised to never, ever mention my _Stalking Subject Journal,_ err…record of observations. Ever. How did Suki do this? Is this something they teach you when you train to be a Kyoshi warrior? Or is this just Suki's magical powers?

I can continue to stalk Subject in peace!

-!-

Subject was talking to me quite softly and calmly as we did the dishes together. Almost as if he was trying to calm a savage sabre-tooth moose lion. He apologized a bit for whatever he had done (he remained quite perplexed as to what this was). Subject was most concerned by my behavior and was very gentle with me and we didn't tease each other like we normally did.

It was infuriating!

I was already cross! Subject talking to me like he expected me to tackle him again or burst into tears at any second was the last straw. I told him I was bloody fine and he hadn't done anything wrong. But I was still cross with him. I said this rather angrily and this seemed to confuse Subject even more. He asked me if I wanted another peace offering moon peach.

No!

No, I do not!

That bloody moon peach is what started this terrible chain of misunderstandings.

-!-

There was just a knock at my door. It was Subject. He presented me with a peace offering mango and a very baffled face. I told him that it didn't matter what fruit it was, it was the peace-offering-ness of the fruit I was opposed to. Subject looked a little disappointed that I was rejecting his peace offering and said that I should think of it as a midnight snack instead.

I felt like I was being a bit unfair to him. It wasn't his fault that people had jumped to ridiculous conclusions and Sokka had read my journal. I got one of the moon peaches I keep in my room. I swiped several from the breakfast table the other day. I told him I would accept the mango as a midnight snack if he would take the reciprocal moon peach midnight snack. Subject accepted. I don't know why I gave him the peach. It seemed like the polite thing to do after you've tackled someone and been behaving like a mad harpy towards them.

The others must _never know_ that we have exchanged any sort of fruit. They would get the wrong idea.

-!-

_The next day…._

-!-

I'm avoiding Subject today, just to prove to those people who make big, giant, stupid assumptions that I do not _need_ to follow him everyday. I have no idea where Subject is or what he is up to. And I don't even care. at . all. I could care less! Pfft! Subject- who needs him? So suck it all you assumers! Hopefully today will prove to the big, giant, stupid assumers who assume things that they are WRONG in their assumptions.

SO WRONG!

-!-

Suki is a great ally. She thinks we should have a sneaky _girl's night_ tonight and have a few beverages and a chat, because we didn't get drunk that other night with the boys. We don't want boys at our _girl's night_ anyway, because if they come, we can't chat about them. She has procured a bottle of Saki from Chit Sang . Tonight after dinner, we'll go up to the top of the temple, near the orchard for the occasion. Suki is nice to talk to and I should try to get to know her better if Sokka is so serious about her. I want to find out how she got her magical Sokka controlling powers. I have never done anything like a _girl's night_ and I think it sounds like fun.

I'm a bit thrilled.

-!-

_An indeterminate amount of time later…._

_Must be the next day because the sun is up._

**I never drink again.**

Ever.

-!-


	14. The Shame

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The Shame!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

If it was possible to die of embarrassment I would be dead! At least three times over! I can never face Subject again! I also cannot find my shoes, so I have abandoned all attempts to leave the bed. I have also abandoned my will to live. I will just hide here forever with _my shame_ as my only companion…. and occasionally my Dad.

Subject has told everyone that me and Suki and Sokka have food poisoning from eating the seal jerky I've been hiding. Sokka is feigning illness just so he can spend the day abed with Suki. My Dad has come up to see me several times and has been very caring. I am lucky that I spent so much time in various fountains last night, because I no longer smell of sake. I just feel terribly ill. My Dad is bringing a ginger tea that is meant to help food poisoning. He has joked about how silly Subject is because Subject kept wanting to make me the hangover-curing tea, when my Dad **knows** that ginger tea is the best thing for food poisoning. Dad has taken over my care and will most likely drown me in ginger tea before the day is through.

Memories have been coming back all morning (and with them- so very many self recriminations.) I now have a fairly clear recollection of the shenanigans of last night and I wish I didn't. I wish there was an undo button for life so I could go back and erase this girl's night from ever happening. Well maybe not the entirety of it. The first bit when I was just chatting with Suki was lovely. But everything after the fourth Saki would **never** happen.

Suki is lovely. She is very sure of herself about everything. At first I couldn't imagine what she saw in my brother. I mean don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but he's _Sokka_ and she's _Suki._ Suki said that my brother was actually a really great guy and I was so used to him that I didn't see it as clearly as she did. They have had a big all-night-talk the previous night about relationships and Yue and Kyoshi and what will happen in the future. She thinks Sokka is complicated and she said that she discovers something new about him everyday. I suggested she could keep track of these tidbits by writing them down so she doesn't forget.

Then she wanted to talk about what I've been writing down and she just wouldn't let it go. Sokka has told her that I wrote at length about Subject. I was cross all over again. Suki calmed me down and we had a chat about what a violation of privacy it was, etc. Suki promised she wouldn't make a big deal about it or tell the others. She just wanted to understand about the stalking.

I explained that my writing about Subject was because he was a devious firebender who could not be trusted and I needed to keep tabs on him because of his deviousness. As a result of my stalking, if he ever turned on us again, I would know all his weaknesses. Suki asked me if I've learnt anything else useful and then **she** truth-bended at **me**! Truth-bending is a dark art! It makes you fess up to things you never planned on talking about.

In truth, a lot of what I've discovered won't be useful in combat. I mean, I know a few of his weaknesses there(his left wrist had been fractured at least twice before, he's had at least one severe fall as a child that dislocated his right shoulder, he's susceptible to being knocked out, etc). Mostly I've written down just trivial stuff. He loves fireflakes and hates food that is too salty. He likes to mope with a view. He misses his Uncle a lot. This is just a guess, but from little he's said about his childhood -it was all kinds of messed up. I still mistrust him, but sometimes, even though I mistrust him, he can be so sweet and dorky that I kind of like him. And it is confusing and weird.

Suki gave a knowing smile. She was a little drunk at this point and she started making really bad puns about everything she knows about Subject and cracking herself up. He's got a **fiery** temper, he and Sokka get along like a house on **fire** etc …. hardy har har Suki. Suki also said that Subject was **hot**. I don't know if this was for the sake of a lame pun or if she really thinks this about him. I hope it is for the pun. Besides, she's with Sokka anyway.

She and Sokka seem so sure about each other. I'm not at all sure about Aang and I knew I was drunk because I really wanted to talk about it with her. Normally just thinking about it fills me with embarrassment. But Suki and I had a lovely deep and meaningful conversation about relationships and knowing when they are right for you. I asked her the same question I'd asked Subject a couple of weeks ago. How do you _know_ its right? I told her some of my doubts and feelings about Aang. May I just say that Suki is a good listener.

She listened but said she never felt like that with Sokka. Sokka made her feel comfortable and safe and he made her laugh. Suki said that she didn't have many doubts because things felt right with him and she and Sokka just clicked. I asked her if you can make yourself click with some one, but Suki thinks you can't force a click-age. Apparently they just happen when you least expect it and often with the most inconvenient of people.

Sokka is inconvenient for Suki because he lives at the South Pole and she lives on Kyoshi and where will they live after the war. I'd pick Kyoshi over the South Pole, but that's just me. I mean I love my home, but I've seen and done so much over this past year that I think it won't be the same for me when I go back. I don't know if I could live there all year round again. I couldn't do another polar winter; think I'll miss sunshine now that I know you can have it all the time. We got a bit giggly about something. I can't remember what, but it was funny.

At some point Sokka came up to get us both, because it was really late at night(or really early in the morning I guess). And it was only then I realized that I was rather drunk.

Drunketty drunk drunk.

Well wankered.

Schnoozled.

Wasted.

Suki was in a similar state to myself, but she was tired and wanted to go to sleep and was sort of lolling on Sokka like a ragdoll.

I didn't want to go to sleep. I was awake.

It was a beautiful night and there was a moon and I wanted to do some bending. Sokka thought it was a good idea if I went to bed anyway and left bending till the morning. I got a bit bossy and unreasonable with him. Sokka thought I might need some help navigating the steps. My legs weren't working so good at this point. Sokka is right. Your feet really don't listen to you after too much Sake. He said something about getting Dad because Dad had carried him to bed when he was drunk. I was horrified at the prospect. I didn't want my Dad to see me drunk.

I consider that the **only** positive of last nights events. At least my Dad didn't see me drunk.

Sokka said he couldn't very well carry us both and we were both in too much of a state. Sokka told us to wait there and then returned with Subject some indeterminate amount time later. Subject was still blearily rubbing his eyes. Evidently my brother had woken him up. Suki climbed on Sokka's back and he started giving her a piggy back to her room.

Subject made a motion for me to do the same, but I was feeling cheeky and drunk and happy and I declared that Subject would have to _catch me_ first and then I sake-bended at him and ran away. He swore a bit and chased after me. We were near the orchard and I just really felt like bending… the moon was nearly full and the orchard is so lovely and… you know how it is. So I hoped in the fountain and started bending.

So, oh gods…here it starts to get embarrassing.

Like really embarrassing.

I will never recover. That's how embarrassing.

I have in the following order:

-Frolicked about in the fountain.

-Declared myself Queen of said fountain and that Subject was my …err…loyal Subject.

-Forced Subject to join me in the fountain by Royal Fountain Queen decree. Also by waterbending.

-Licked Subject!

**Oh the shame!**

I don't know what came over me. Too much Sake probably.

It was such a beautiful night and I didn't want to go to bed and I wanted the water all around me. Subject encouraged me, most sternly, to get out of the fountain but I refused quiet crossly and declared myself the Fountain Queen. I then waterbended Subject into the fountain and he was most displeased. I said that I had passed a royal decree and he was my loyal Subject and as such he had to stay in the fountain with me and do what I said. Subject tried to argue but my logic as Fountain Queen was infallible. I was an absolute monarch. I was in my element. Eventually he acquiesced and just stayed in the fountain with me.

We hung out in the fountain for a while. We had a splashing battle, which I won. Subject said this was ridiculous and we should go back to bed, but he had heated the water with his firebending so we wouldn't get cold. It was nice. Like a big giant fountain-y bath. I was ranting at some point about Subject and the sweet chili fireflakes. If it wasn't for those bloody flakes, none of this would have happened!

Damn you fireflakes!

But really, he eats so many of them and I was just wondering if he would taste like one too.

So I ranted about those bloody flakes and about how I had got them for him when he was sick even though they taste nasty and he hadn't cared or said thank you properly. I then started going on about how he would taste like a sweet chilli fireflake and was wondering out loud if he would taste more sweet or more chilli. Subject was absolutely baffled by this question. I told him I thought that he would taste more sweet. I then tested this hypothesis by **licking Subject's face,** (the side without the scar) much to his alarm and surprise.

He tasted salty.

Subject got up and out of the fountain exceptionally quickly and then declared that I definitely had to get to bed. Right that very instant. I stayed down in the fountain, quite unhelpfully, because I was feeling a bit drunk and unhelpful at that stage. I told him he'd have to **make me** because I certainly wasn't leaving my Queendom of my own accord.

Subject seemed to pause for a few seconds like he was uncertain of what he should do. Then he bent down and lifted me up like I was a small child. He had one arm under my knees and the other against my back. He was saying "please don't hate me!" over and over. I got a bit cranky, but only for a little bit at the start. It was kind of nice being carried and not having to walk anymore. It is hard to walk when your feet do not listen to you. Subject smelled quite nice and was really warm, so I think I may have snuggled against him, but I am not sure.

It all gets a big foggy after that. At one point we were in the kitchen and Subject was trying to get me to drink some water. I think I was unreasonable here too. I bended the water in the glass at him, I remember doing that. He poured another one and the cycle began anew. I remember Subject repeatedly trying to get me to bend the water out of my clothes. I think by this stage in the evening/morning, that was quite a feat for me. I must have eventually done it properly though because I woke in my bed, wearing the same clothes as last night, and they were dry. There is a big glass of water on the bed side table. Someone, I presume Subject, has taken off my shoes and tucked me in.

I am never leaving!

Gah! I'm so embarrassed!

And it is all Subject's fault!

**Oh the shame!**

Things I have learned about Subject:

Subject does not like to be surprise-licked, judging from the speed with which he leapt from the fountain after I did that.

Subject is strong enough to carry me from the orchard to here.

Subject is actually quite gentlemanly when dealing with my drunken shenanigans. So it is a shame that I will never be able to look him in the face again. I will stay here with only ginger tea and my shame.

Farewell Subject, I will stalk ye no more.

-!-


	15. Out of sorts

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Out of sorts.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject managed to sneak past Ninja Nurse Hakoda and bring me some hangover curing tea. I hid under the blanket and said I was never coming out because I was dead from embarrassment and I was never leaving the bed again. I swear I could hear the smile in Subject's voice. Subject said I didn't need to be embarrassed, that I was just drunk and it could be worse. I could have vomited on him and then we'd both be dead from embarrassment. I popped my head out from the blanket in surprise.

My Subject wasn't making fun of me.

If he'd been the Fountain King and had licked me, I would have **never** let him forget it.

Subject gave me the tea. He said it would taste nasty but his Uncle swore by it and it should make me feel better. It tasted nasty. But it did make that foggy feeling in my head clear a little. Subject took the cup and gave an over elaborate bow in my direction and asked if there was anything else _her majesty_ required. I hit him with my pillow. He said that as the Fountain Queen's _only subject_ , it was his duty to serve _her majesty_. I ask for my pillow back and like an idiot he gave it to me. I hit him with it again. But we were smiling at each other.

I was going to say something that might have been a thank you. But my Subject will never know. Just at that moment we both heard my Dad's feet on the stairs and Subject said he'd better go before Ninja Nurse Hakoda arrived. He took the cup and skedaddled quick-smart but gave me a small wave at the door. I waved back happily. I am still embarrassed about everything but Subject cheered me up. It is possible I am still drunk, if seeing Subject can make me this cheerful. I am feeling dreadful, but a happier dreadful than I was.

-!-

_Some time later…_

My dad won't stop fussing over me and it is driving me bananas!

-!-

_Later still…._

No more ginger tea! I am on ginger tea strike!

-!-

_Late afternoon…_

How could I forget what today was! Here I am -feeling hungover- and it's the sixth anniversary of **that day.** I've made it to the late afternoon without even once thinking about my wonderful, beautiful mother and I don't know how that happened. I think about her all the time normally, but especially on this day.

I snapped at my Dad about his fussing and he looked so sad for a second and said that he couldn't help but fuss over me, especially on this day. When my dad told me that it was ten days before my birthday, I think my heart stopped. I've just lost track of time travelling with Aang. He asked me if I was feeling up to it. I'm hungover, but I'm not that hungover. My dad just left to get Sokka, who has told Dad that he is also feeling 'much better' after his bout of 'food poisoning'.

The big faker.

-!-

We sat in a circle, holding hands and talking about her. The things she did, the things she said, her smile, her stories, her cheeky laugh, her gentleness and bravey. Gran Gran says one day remembering her will make me smile instead of cry and I will be glad to have known her and I will not feel so angry that she was taken from us. I don't see that day happening anything soon.

This never gets easier. Sokka and I have had a small memory ceremony, every year, on the day, so we don't forget her. I'm glad we could all be together again today. When it is just the three of us and we are holding hands and remembering her, I almost feel like she is with is again.

I miss her so much.

-!-

_The next day…_

-!-

I have decided to stay abed all day today because I am feeling out of sorts and I am avoiding Subject. I am cross at him again but I'm not sure why. Whatever. I'm sure Subject has done _something_ that will make me cross. Running with knives, playing with spark rocks, being a firebender, that sort of thing.

-!-

Subject bought me breakfast but I pretended I was asleep.

-!-

Subject brought me another tea to help me feel better but I have been exceptionally grumpy and bitchy with him. He tried to talk to me but I shut all conversation down. He has not come back.

It is very hard to avoid someone when they keep coming to see you.

-!-

Dad bought me lunch and a hug.

-!-

Suki bought me dinner and asked if I was feeling okay. She has recovered completely and is very concerned about me. I told her that I was not hungover then, just sad and angry. Suki sighed and then she swore under her breath and told me if I wanted to talk again, she was always willing to listen. Strangely, it made me feel better.

-!-

_The next day…_

-!-

I am feeling miles better today and am still avoiding Subject. This time for two reasons. One: if I stop following Subject, the _stupid assumers_ who _assume things_ will stop _assuming things_. Two: I still feel a bit awkward about licking him and being difficult while I was drunk, even though he was nice about it. I also feel a bit awkward about being so horrible to him yesterday, but there is no way, in the entire universe, that I will apologize to Subject. Unless he tricks me with his Subject-ness, which he often does. So it is just better to avoid him.

Subject, Sokka, Suki and Dad have gone off somewhere which makes avoiding him really easy.

Aang is feeling rebellious and thinks he has learned enough _serious_ firebending. All firebending with Subject is serious. He wants to learn the sparkle dragon. Chit Sang was a firebending performer with a circus and he knows lots of showy tricks. He has agreed to teach Aang. They have abandoned the list Subject left them.

Aang is excited about the sparkle dragon. I have a bad feeling about this.

-!-

_Later…_

-!-

When Chit Sang was showing Aang the sparkle dragon he accidentally burned Aang and himself. He burned himself quite badly at that. Apparently there was _too much_ sparkle. Apparently it has been a while since Chit Sang has done it. Apparently Chit Sang is an _even bigger idiot_ than I previously thought.

I have healed them.

Chit Sang feels very guilty and says that perhaps Subject has a point about waiting till Aang has mastered the basics before they move on to sparkle dragons. Chit Sang said he'd teach Aang something fun and easy. How to make cool shapes with a fire whip.

Chit Sang is not as good a bender as Subject and has nowhere near his level of control. His whips are all over the place. I can see this going badly too.

-!-

_Later still…._

-!-

Aang burned accidentally.

In multiple places.

Multiple times.

This has not dampened his enthusiasm in any way, for the firewhip in the shape of a trout. He has shown me six times. My enthusiasm for it has been significantly dampened by the fact that I have been healing relentlessly all morning. Enough with the trout! You have to get to burns quickly and I am run off my feet because of that trout. Chit Sang is feeling bad about burning Aang and wants to revert to Subject's list. I am listening to their mild bickering over what to do next.

-!-

_Later still…._

-!-

Chit Sang has abandoned all attempts to teach Aang the fun and showy firebending tricks. They are now looking for the list Subject wrote for them. He scribbled it out quickly after Dad summoned his presence.

Why does Subject even bother with the lists?

I mean really now!

Every list he has ever left Aang gets lost or ignored.

-!-

_After lunch…._

-!-

Subject had returned and was a bit beside himself that Aang had accomplished nothing all morning except learning how to bend a firewhip into the shape of a trout. Subject got a bit shouty about how Aang isn't taking this _seriously,_ and firebending is very _serious_ business, so Aang needs to be more _serious._

Blah blah _serious business_ blah, I've heard it all before Subject.

-!-

_Later again…_

-!-

Subject and Aang are back on precision bending. Aang can do 93 targets in a minute. Subject is pleased but still wishes Aang to be more serious. Subject has an overflowing amount of seriousness, so maybe he should just lend Aang some of his own seriousness. Problem solved.

-!-

_Later again…_

-!-

My Dad came to speak to me. He said that he's been talking with Subject and Sokka and Suki and they all agree that we've been at the Western Air Temple too long and we should move. Subject thinks it is a miracle his crazy homicidal sister hasn't found us yet. Everyone is to pack up what they want to take with them and bring it to the main atrium. We will all sleep in the main atrium tonight and make a quick getaway together tomorrow morning.

I am a bit sad to be leaving. This place was almost starting to feel like home. My dad gave me a hug and said it doesn't matter where we end up -as long as we are together, it will feel like home to him. He is especially glad we'll be able to celebrate my birthday together. It'll be my first with dad **in four years** so I am quite thrilled.

I wonder what he'll get me.

-!-

_Late afternoon…_

-!-

I have overheard the most annoying, ridiculous, dreadful conversation between Subject and Sokka.

Yes, I was eavesdropping. Whatever.

Subject was packing up some of our camping gear and Sokka came up behind him. Sokka said that he knew a secret and but couldn't tell Subject what this secret was. Subject was surprised and irritated by this and wanted to know why Sokka had told him that he knew a secret if he couldn't tell him what it was anyway.

Sokka said he couldn't **tell** him, but it would be okay if Subject **guessed** the secret. And if Sokka gave him clues that would help him guess, it would be okay because he wouldn't have actually **told** him. This must make sense in Sokka logic.

A very elaborate game of charades ensued with Sokka doing the most ridiculous gestures and Subject making even more ridiculous guesses. I was hiding so I couldn't see all of Sokka's gestures, but I heard all of Subject's ridiculous guesses. These guesses include:

A saber-tooth mooselion eating a koalasheep?

A platypusbear eating a koalasheep?

You (meaning Sokka) eating a koalasheep?

And this point Sokka got most frustrated and said the secret had _nothing whatsoever to do with koalasheep._ I moved positions to better see what they were doing. At this point Sokka made a different sort of gesture that was a little rude and Subject started making much ruder guesses.

Boobs?

Nipples?

Suki's boobs?

Sokka wanted to know why Subject would guess Suki's boobs, because if she overheard them talking about her boobs they'd both be killed. In a nasty way. And be lectured about sexism and objectification afterwards. Then killed again. Subject replied that Sokka was the one doing the boob gesture. Sokka said it was the international hand gesture for woman. Subject disagreed and said the international hand gesture for woman was this-and he made a swishy gesture of his own. Sokka said that was the international hand gesture for _hourglass_ and they got into a small argument about the international hand gestures. In the end, Sokka declared Subject terrible at charades and Subject had declared Sokka terrible at gesturing.

They'd narrowed it down to being a secret about a girl which was a great achievement for them. Sokka then put one hand on his hip and started pointing in a rather _bossy fashion_ with the other and Subject guessed _me_ straight away. I am cross at them both for this.

Sokka then mimed hiding and Subject said that he knew I was hiding from him because he hadn't seen me all day. Sokka then started creeping around looking shifty.

I do not stalk like that! I am much more subtle.

Subject, however, asked if this was about me stalking him in a rather bemused but unsurprised fashion.

**He knows!**

Sokka had the same response as I did and practically shouted **"you already know?"** at Subject. Subject said that he'd trained for years in the art of stealth (that's why he's so sneaky) and he knew when someone was following him. Most of the time. Apparently sometimes I would surprise him and turn up somewhere and he wouldn't have known I was there. But most of the time he knew.

Sokka asked him why he didn't say/do anything about it and Subject replied that he had gotten _used to me_ always being around. Sokka told Subject he was a weird person and he should have told Sokka he already knew the secret. Then they would not have wasted 45 minutes playing charades. Subject replied that he didn't know it was meant to be a secret. And they resumed packing away the camping gear.

Bollocks!

Damn!

Bloody hell!

I am exceptionally cross with the both of them at this moment. But I am crosser with Subject. He's known the whole time! I knew that he knew I watched the training, but he's known about everything else as well! And he's never said anything! This whole time I thought I was being really sneaky and he's known! That jerk!

-!-

_After dinner…_

-!-

Me and Subject were doing the dishes again and tossing over ideas about where we could go next. Apparently they've only decided on a rendezvous point. I was a bit grumpy and unhelpful and dismissed all of Subject's ideas as stupid. Subject is very confused about my sudden increase in hostility towards him because we had an almost uneasy friendship before.

All I know is that Subject confuses and irritates me and I have a right to be cross at him because I'm sure he's done _something_ to deserve it. I haven't stalked him for two days and who knows what he's gotten up to in that time? And he knows I've been stalking him for ages and hasn't said anything! And he's a jerk!

Subject seemed to think I was still cross and embarrassed about him witnessing my drunken antics. He said I had no reason to be embarrassed and take it out on him. He hadn't told anybody and had covered for me the next day so no one would know about my adventures as the Fountain Queen. I got a bit irate and said it wasn't about that at all (even though it was a little bit about that. Mostly it was about everything else Subject does that drives me bananas, but there was a hint of embarrassment to my grumpiness).

He got a bit irate back and wanted to know what I was so grumpy about.

What am I grumpy about?

So many things Subject…. Most of them are your fault.

I told him that if he didn't know, I certainly wasn't going to tell him. Then he said that if I didn't tell him how could he make it better. I said that he couldn't make it better. Then he said softly that he thought we were friends. And for a split second I almost wanted to apologize and say we were friends and that I was just out of sorts.

But then I realized that **this is what Subject always does**. He tricks you into caring about him with his Subjectness! Oh no! I wasn't going to fall for that again. Subject could not make me feel sorry for him a seventh time!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six or more times, shame on me.

I told him we were **never friends** to begin with and we finished washing the dishes in a grumpy silence.

When they were all dry and put away I turned to Subject. I didn't know what I wanted to say. Probably something bitchy. But then I noticed that he had a huge soap sudsy streak just over his scar that he hadn't noticed. I reached up to wipe it away, because if that dried on his face, it would have been so itchy. I was just acting instinctively. He flinched away when I reached for him. He said that he only let his _friends_ touch his scar.

That's a lie.

He never lets _anyone_ touch it. Except for me… that one time in the caves under Ba Sing Se.

I told he had a smudge on his face and he wiped it off himself. We stood staring at each other for a second. Subject said my name and just looked all kinds of sad and disappointed. I thought he was going to say something else. So I huffed and crossed my arms and glared at him. Then he said _forget it_ quite crossly and stormed off. I shouted that I was still mad at him as he stomped away, but he didn't reply.

I am feeling very much out of sorts at the moment.

And I blame Subject.

Things I've learned about Subject:

  * Subject, the sneaky jerk, has known that I have been stalking him this whole time and hasn't said anything.
  * Subject is really bad at charades.
  * Subject flinches when people make sudden movements at his face/scar.
  * Subject's scar: I have some thoughts. I have healed _all and sundry_ burn injuries today thanks to Chit Sang's lessons and I have a better understanding of firebending burns. I am fairly sure Subject's scar is not like a regular burn. Who ever gave him that scar **really meant** to hurt him. It would have been done at close range using exceptionally hot firebending. Most likely by someone Subject trusted, or at least someone Subject thought would not hurt him. I know enough of Subject's various skills to know he would have been capable of dodging/blocking something aimed at his face if he was facing someone he considered an enemy.
  * How did it happen? I can't ask. He's so damn sensitive and touchy about it. Not knowing this sort of thing about Subject is what makes me feel like I can't trust him. He hates to talk about his past. He rarely ever tells me what he is really thinking or feeling and this perturbs me. Maybe if I knew him better I would be able to trust him, but he doesn't let _anyone_ really know him.
  * And it is frustrating.
  * I shouldn't even care anyway.
  * I don't even know why I care so much.
  * Hopefully wherever we end up tomorrow will be big enough for me to continue to avoid Subject in peace.
  * I'll stop stalking him and hanging out with him and I won't miss his Subjectness at all.



-!-


	16. Subject is an idiot

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Subject is an IDIOT!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

If I had to pick _one thing_ out of Subject's many, numerous flaws that I hate the most, it would be this.

Subject is an IDIOT!

A reckless idiot who has the most incredible ability to nearly get himself killed at the drop of a hat. Subject is too impulsive. Subject just **does** things. You can wave all the commonsense you want at him, but he's still going to do whatever idiotic notion has popped into his head. He is just **so lucky** I was able to catch him.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So we had a visit from Subject's sister this morning. A very eventful visit. In true homicidal maniac style, she showed up wanting to **kill** everybody.

As she does.

She'd bought a whole bunch of airships and it was fire and explosions everywhere! Subject knocked me out of the way of some falling debris and we landed in a heap together with him on top of me. We were all kind of close and up in each other's business and I was so friggin annoyed at him, at the firenation and at this whole situation that I just grump-ied at him like a grumpy bitch. I didn't even say thank you, even though I know he stopped me from being crushed. Because Subject has just been bringing out my rude side lately.

I just hate when this sort of thing happens. I hate the firenation and their friggin fire breathing airships and bombs and general craziness. I hate that they've separated our family again. My Dad had to go into the tunnel and we had to fly out on Appa. I didn't want us to get separated again but what choice did we have with fire exploding everywhere. I have a horrible feeling that I won't bee seeing my Dad again for a long time and I just can't shake it.

I must say that not only is Subject an IDIOT! His sister is also an IDIOT! I am beginning to suspect the firenation is largely populated by IDIOTS. Subject, instead of sticking with us **like he should have** , took it upon himself to 'hold them off' unnecessarily. We've already split up once; we didn't need him to go off on his own like an IDIOT!

It was totally unnecessary!

We would have been fine without Subject's idiotic heroics! In fact it would have been easier because we would not have had to double back to save Subject's idiotic arse! Subject has nearly fallen to his death twice this morning, but this does not faze him. He was more perturbed by his crazy homicidal sister nearly falling to her death than he was about his own near miss! Even though his sister will most likely try to kill him again (she is a homicidal maniac after all).

Why is this? Because Subject, not only is an IDIOT, he has a very poor sense of self-preservation.

Exhibit A) going out to fight his sister, unnecessarily.

Okay Subject, I know your sister is a really crazy, homicidal maniac who is a life ruiner. She ruins lives. I get that. That does not mean that you should jump to your near death just to fight her every time she shows up crackling manically about wanting to be an only child and the many ways she wishes to kill you. She explained her intentions quite clearly to Subject. She was **all about the killing**. Someone with a functioning sense of self-preservation would pause and say to themselves " _hhhhmmm, I prefer being alive, so maybe I_ _ **won't**_ _run towards the mad, cackling, homicidal maniac who wants to kill me."_

Subject, however, did not do this. Subject did the opposite of this. Subject, like an IDIOT, ran out there and was all - _Come at me sis!_

Subject's homicidal crazy sister was all - _You come at me bro!_

And there was drama!

Subject and his sister are both so alike! It is freaky! You want to know what they both have in common?

IDIOCY!

Exhibit B) Exploding eachother off the airship.

They are both bloody IDIOTS. They bloody exploded each other off the bloody ship and nearly fell to their bloody deaths! Okay Subject, in what universe, is this a good plan for anyone? I mean really now?

All this was unnecessary!

Did either of them think - _wow this will be really bad for our respective causes if we both go ka –splat,_

Or even- _who will rule our Nation of Idiots after the war if we both go ka-splat?_

Did either of them have a moment to pause and think to themselves- _I really don't want to kill my homicidal sister/idiotic big brother?_

No they did not!

Because they are idiots.

Idiots who very nearly went **ka-splat** unnecessarily.

We had to fly Appa under where Subject was falling and this was a most difficult maneuver. I was so mad at him for being such a reckless idiot! What if we hadn't been there, or hadn't been able to fly under him in time? What if I hadn't been able to catch him? He would have gone ka-splat and there would be nothing any of us could do about it. Aang would be without a firebending teacher and all hope would be lost.

And everything would be Subject's fault!

It usually is!

Luckily I caught him mid-air and was able to get him into the saddle. Because I am **not an idiot**. He is fine now. Just sitting in the saddle with Toph, of all people, fussing over him. I feel like going over and telling her that he's fine! He' s just an idiot and there is no cure for that!

What is worse is that just after I had gotten him in the saddle and Miss crazy-lightening bolts was still falling, he was all worried about his crazy homicidal sister. I felt the powerful urge to slap him upside the head and say _'what is wrong with you? You just exploded each other off an airship!'_ but I did not. I am resolutely not speaking to Subject except to tell him that he is an idiot. Because he needs to be told. Multiple times. He said _thank you for catching me_ quite sincerely and I told him that he was a stupid idiot in response and we have not spoken since.

What the hell was he thinking?

The idiot!

Gah!

So mad right now!

-!-

I am still resolutely not talking to Subject on account of his reckless idiocy. But everyone else in this saddle congratulating said reckless idiocy! It is most infuriating. I am trying my best to stay mad at Subject because I realized that one of the reasons I am so mad is because I am starting to like him again. When he was falling I was worried and annoyed at being worried, but mostly I was just really worried.

Subject worries me.

I worry about him.

If I was not so mad at him I would just sit on him to save him from himself and his own idiocy. I **actually care** what happens to his stupid self. How does Subject do this! Despite my best efforts to stay mad at him, he makes me like him and worry about him.

This is a disaster!

This is just what Subject wants. Give Subject an inch and he will find a way to cuddle it!

He's sitting across from me in Appa's saddle and he just noticed me staring at him. He gave me a little wave. Don't wave at me Subject when I'm busy moaning about you!

-!-

I am thinking about on Ba Sing Se. I am thinking about Ba Sing Se and the crystal catacombs a lot because when I think about it, I get furious with Subject all over again and it makes it easier to stay mad at him.

Subject and I cannot be friends.

It doesn't matter that he's a good listener and helps me out and jokes with me and brings me tea and thinks I'm pretty and didn't embarrass me by telling the others my drunken antics. It doesn't matter that he's nice looking and nice smelling and has a nice smile. It doesn't matter because there are two things I will never forgive Subject for.

First thing is Ba Sing Se.

I will also never forgive Subject for being from the fire nation. If it wasn't for the fire nation, my mother would still be with us and there is nothing Subject can do to make that any easier.

-!-

The last straw came around the campfire tonight.

We were waiting at the rendezvous point for Dad and the others. Sokka had just gotten a hired messenger hawk message just before dinner. Subject told us that most large towns have a hawkery so that citizens can send messages to each other and this one looked like it came from a public hawkery (which is open to everybody.) It was a message from Dad. They'd been pursued by the other airships and had to abandon our stolen airship. He'd managed to evade capture with the others and they had made it to a firenation colony town on the mainland. They'd gotten disguises and were blending in and would try and make it to where the nearest resistance base is.

But they wouldn't be able to make it to the rendezvous island we are on. Sokka choose it because it is almost uninhabited (there is only one village) and there is no other way here aside from flying or private boat. There is no ferry service and it's too small to draw the attention of the navy. It is safe for us to hide out here for a while.

A little too safe it turns out.

Now we can't meet up with our Dad. Without the airship, there's no way for him to get here and he doesn't want to draw attention to himself/us by hiring a boat. He said in his message that it would be too dangerous to try and meet up now anyway and we should concentrate on preparing Aang to fight the Firelord. And that he loved us and wanted me to have a good birthday. Apparently we'll be together again to celebrate my sixteenth next year.

I am so disappointed. Sometimes I just want my dad and I can't even have him on my birthday.

Then we were all sitting around after dinner and everyone was congratulating Subject's idiocy and he was all smiley and said he was really touched and he made a joke! This a rare event for Subject! He made a joke about chasing Aang around and everybody laughed except for me. Like I need another reason to be mad at Subject. He goes and reminds me of the time he spent chasing us. I just couldn't take it anymore so I said something bitchy and stormed away.

Subject followed me, because he has no sense of self-preservation. Couldn't he see I was storming off? A storm off doesn't work if _people_ follow you!

 _People_ means you Subject!

Subject thinks I am being unfair to him and maybe I am, but he'll just have to suck it up. I was so mad at him and his stupid recklessness and at the firenation and at the fact that I wouldn't even get to see my Dad on my birthday and at the fact that my Mother's gone forever.

Subject thinks that _everybody_ trusts him now, but I was the first one to reach out to him and he stabbed me in the back. I have been thinking about Ba Sing Se all afternoon and that memory is pretty fresh! I told Subject this and he was just looking confused and sad and anxious to make things right between us. He wanted to know what he could do to make it up to me. Rather than say nothing, I got right up in his face and said some impossible tasks, conquer Ba Sing Se single handedly, bring my mother back etc. And then I stormed away again.

He didn't follow me a second time.

I was expecting him to, but he didn't.

-!-

I have just had the most unusual/bizarre conversation with Toph. We are sharing a tent here and she came in and she must have been able to feel me sulking in the corner. She tutted under her breathe and came and sat next to me and asked if I wanted to talk about it in her usual sardonic Toph voice.

I did not want to talk about this with Toph and I told her so. She sighed a little and asked me if yelling at Subject had made me feel any better. I asked how she knew I was yelling at Subject. I'd stormed off a long way. Our voices would not have carried back to camp.

Toph said that I **always** yelled at Subject when I didn't get my way. I protested at this. The way Toph said it; you think that I did nothing but yell at Subject all day. Toph said that I always yelled at Subject, even about things that weren't his fault. According to Toph, getting grumpy with Subject is my **thing.** We had a small argument. Toph said: _When something unexpected happens that you don't want to deal with or something doesn't go your way… you get grumpy and shout at (Subject). It's your thing. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. We all need our stress release. But I think it is starting to wear thin on (Subject). I just think you're a bit too hard on him sometimes._ Toph uses Subject's actually name but I have written Subject here.

I have written down what she said word for word because I can't stop thinking about it. Really, I do listen to Toph most of the time. She's quite smart about everything and she's usually right. But she is so wrong about me and about this!

I told Toph that she was crazy and the only times I yell at Subject or get grumpy with Subject is when he **really deserves** it. Toph snorted in response to this and said ' _if you say so'_ in an exceptionally sarcastic voice. If there was a measurement for measuring sarcasm, the amount of sarcasm Toph was exuding would be off the charts. She was speaking in 11 out of 10 Toph-sarcasm meters. I started going on about how I am always reasonable with Subject and Toph said that I should _keep telling myself that_ (still with 11 out of 10 toph-sarcasm meters).

Then she put a stop to our conversation by rolling over and going to sleep so I couldn't even argue with her. I contemplated going to find Subject to find out what he's been telling Toph about our arguments and having a bit of a shout at him, but then I realized that by doing that I would be **proving Toph's point**. I will not prove Toph's point for her.

Because Toph is wrong.

At first I thought _trust Toph to take Subject's side._ But the more I think about it, the more I worry that maybe, and only maybe, she might have a point. Is Toph right about me? I hope not! I refuse to let Toph be right about this.

I am not going to yell at Subject at all tomorrow, just to prove a point to her. I am going to be coldly civil to Subject and I'll stick to being coldly civil. I won't have any more lapses into friendliness or worrying about him.

We'll just be two coldly civil people who are civil to each other… but in a cold way.

Um…scratch that.

Make that one coldly civil person and one emotional, moody, reckless idiot.

I have a feeling Subject won't be good at cold civility.

On account of him being an emotional, moody, reckless idiot.

-!-

Have I mentioned that Subject is an idiot?

-!-


	17. Lessons in stealth

-!-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Lessons in Stealth

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

-!-

Subject was waiting for me when I opened the tent this morning. Evidently he'd been waiting all night (unnecessarily- the idiot). He looked dreadful, with giant bags under his eyes. I told him he looked terrible but even as I was saying it I felt this little pinprick of concern for him.

I also realized that I was not being coldly civil. I was being more-just-woken-up-bitchy.

My hair was probably a mess because I'd had a really fitful night's sleep. I didn't quite want to look at Subject so I started combing it for something to do. I'd had a terrible dream that I hadn't been able to catch Subject in time and he'd gone ka-splat and I was never able to argue with him again. Subject even bothers me in my sleep! No wonder I'm so always mad at him.

I tried again for cold civility and asked Subject what he wanted. I definitely achieved cold civility. Just when I thought this cold-civility thing was going to be a breeze, Subject threw me for a loop by saying that he knew who had killed my mother and how to find them. I can't be coldly civil about that.

I was just floored. I didn't know what to say. I've never really gotten over it. That man who killed her is the monster in my worst dreams. It was almost impossible to think that I could find him and talk to him and tell him exactly what he'd taken from me. I could make sure he was **punished** for what he did. One of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that my mother's murderer was never brought to justice. He took her from us and just sailed away unharmed. He never knew that he'd just killed the greatest woman who ever lived.

I could get justice for my mother.

I could get justice for myself.

But first I had to clear one thing up. I ask Subject why he would want to help me with this. Really why. I actually wanted to understand. Was it just to get back on my good side? He looked off for a second and said that was part of the reason. He had liked it when we were…not so hostile (Subject paused for a long time here while he searched for the right words for what we were) and wouldn't mind being on not hostile terms with me again.

He thought being able to face the man who'd killed my mother and getting closure and justice could be a good thing for me. It was a good reason, but it wasn't the whole reason. I can tell when Subject is holding something back. I truthbended at him. Eventually in the face of my truthbending stare, he confessed that he knew what it was like, how horrible it was, not to have closure. He had no idea what happened to his mother and he knew he'd probably never know and it was really hard for him to accept that. I had a chance to get closure and justice. Subject thought that was important. I nodded at him. If it's one thing me and Subject have in common, we both understand the pain of losing a mother. We were in silent agreement.

We got some moon peaches and headed down to the beach for breakfast. I ate while Subject explained about Southern Raiders and messengerhawk towers and navy movements. blah blah blah. He even got a stick and started drawing diagrams in the sand. Now I know how Teo felt when Subject was trying to explain the complex firenation governmental system to him. Bored and confused and fascinated. It is an unusual combination of feelings. The firenation is just a really, ridiculously complicated war machine.

We came up with a plan to get into the nearest messengerhawk tower. Subject wants to spend some time giving me some stealth training today before we tackle breaking into a secure firenation location. After we know where the Southern Raiders are we'll be better able to come up with a plan. I told Subject I already had a plan. That plan was to go all raging waterbender on this guy.

Suddenly I was struck by a horrifying thought. It was almost like we were going on a little holiday together. Everyone who has been on a little holiday with Subject has come back saying the dreaded phrase: that Subject was kind of cool. That would not happen to me.

I told Subject suddenly that he would never convince me that he was kind of cool. Subject seemed most perplexed by this sudden change in topic and said _okay_ quite bemusedly. He looked really confused so I told him, for further clarification that everybody who'd gone on a little holiday with him had come back going on about how cool he was. I would never do this. Never never never. Subject got a very cheeky look in his face and said that not everybody thought he was cool. Toph had told him that Suki said he was kind of hot.

What is this? Subject is making jokes everyday now.

I threw my moon peach seed at him and gave him a light whack and called him an idiot, but without much hositility. I did this almost affectionately really.

What is wrong with me?

-!-

_A short time later…_

-!-

So I just asked Aang if I could borrow Appa and it was a huge schmoozle.

Aang has urged me to forgive my mother's killer.

Is this a friggin joke Aang?

What the hell!

There can be no forgiveness for that!

He started espousing some temple wisdom and strangely it made me really mad. Normally I like hearing what Aang has to say about life in the temple and his temple wisdom. It always sounded so serene and peaceful. But today, all of Aang's platitudes just didn't make me feel any better.

This is weird. Me and Aang, despite the great sea prune debacle, have always been on the same page. But he just did not understand at all. He had it all totally backwards and arse-end-up. He didn't understand how I was feeling. He didn't understand me really. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. And everything he said kept making it worse. And the absolute weirdest thing is that Subject did understand and stuck up for me. I am very unaccustomed to thinking Subject is in the right.

Aang started going on about Appa and the sandbenders and it was all I could do not to shout back at him that he never _really_ forgave the sandbenders. He went into the Avatar state and I had to pull him out of it, but he never said 'I forgive you sandbenders.' He never had to come across Appa murdered. If Appa had died because of the sandbenders, and Aang had come across them again, I don't think Aang would have been so _forgiving._ I didn't shout all this at Aang because I've only ever shouted at Aang twice. As a rule, I try not to do it. He just hates being shouted at.

It was so hard to keep my temper with him. It was so _unfair;_ he was making me feel like I was a bad person when I was just doing what any reasonable person would do. That man **murdered** my mother and maybe I want to kill him or really hurt him back, but I think he deserves it. She was an unarmed woman and he just….

Aang compared me to Jet. That hurt my feelings. It's not the same thing at all. Jet wanted to wipe out a whole town of i _nnocent_ people, I just want to face this one _very guilty_ man. I don't know if I want to kill him, but I definitely want him to suffer.

Sokka chimed in that she was his mother too and he agreed with Aang. All that anger that I had been holding back from throwing at Aang- I just let go. I shouted at Sokka and I said the worst, most horrible thing I've ever said to him. I really hurt his feelings. I'll have to apologise to him, most likely for a significant period of time. But I'll have to do that later because I'm way too worked up now.

The two of them were looking at me like I was the **worst** person in the world and I just stormed off because I couldn't take that judgmental look from either of them anymore.

-!-

_A short time later…_

-!-

It didn't take Subject long to find me. I'd climbed the big tree a bit further away from camp, because Toph can't sense me when I'm in a tree. Subject climbed up and I pegged bits of leaf and twig at him again, mostly out of habit I think, because I was actually glad to see him.

When he was at my level he sat on branch right across from me and said he was really sorry that it didn't work out. He sounded sincere. I told him it would work out because we'd just take Appa tonight when Aang was asleep. I'd been doing some thinking in my tree and I'd decided that it wasn't Aang's place to forbid me from doing this. He wasn't my father after all.

I needed to do this.

Subject eyes widened in surprise and for a horrifying second I thought he would say it would be a bad idea to abscond with Appa and not tell Aang. As much as I hate to say this, I **needed** Subject to come along with me. He knew all about messenger hawk towers and the firenation navy and he understood about this… this terrible feeling I was feeling. I asked him if he still wanted to come along with me quietly. Without missing a beat, he said of course he was coming. And we sort of looked at each other for a long moment. I know I've ranted in here about how sneaky/devious/untrustworthy Subject is, but I just had this feeling that I could trust him. If only with this one thing.

-!-

I can hear the dulcet sounds of Aang angrily earthbending with Toph. Toph is pleased that Aang is earthbending with more vigor. She missed our big argument because she was still asleep, so she doesn't know that Aang is just cranky with me. She's been Toph-praising him all morning. Toph-praise is different from regular praise. It actually takes you a while to figure out that she's praising you because there's normally a backhanded insult in there aswell.

Subject has been giving me a crash course in how to be stealthy ever since our conversation in the tree. Subject knows all about busting into firenation facilities and apparently stealth is of the essence. I admit I've quite enjoyed learning everything Subject had to teach me. How to walk silently. How to blend in and find cover. The best ways to sneak up behind people. Some of these stealthy tricks would have been quite useful when I was stalking him.

We have had a small argument about that. I wanted to know how long he **knew** and he said since his fireflakes disappeared for the fourth time. That's ages! He said I actually really was a bit sneaky and sometimes he'd had no idea I was there and I would pop up and surprise him. I told him to stop patronizing me and just teach me more stealth. He said he wasn't patronizing me and I said that he obviously was. We had another small argument. I got a bit cross and wanted to know why he never said anything to me, because I was still a bit pissed off about that.

Subject said that at first he figured I was just doing it because I didn't trust him alone with Aang, which is true, and he felt like he didn't have a leg to stand on if he told me to stop doing it. But after a while he kind of liked having me around and…there was a big pause here… it was useful in training Aang… if either of them got burned or injured. I smiled a little when I remember all our 'tea breaks'. I told him he was an idiot and should have said something. He said he would next time.

What makes him think there will be a _next time?_

I am paraphrasing what Subject said because it actually took ages for him to spit it out. Subject said all this in a **most dorky** fashion, complete spluttering and muttering and big long pauses. Subject was also incredibly fascinated with the ground while he was speaking so I couldn't truthbend at him. Eye contact is crucial to truthbending with Subject.

Still, I am somewhat mollified. This has been aided somewhat by Subject's dorkiness. I find it easy to _get_ mad at Subject, but it is exceptionally difficult to _stay_ mad at Subject. It is especially difficult to stay mad at him when he has been so helpful all day in teaching me how to walk silently and undetected.

-!-

We practiced my stealth by getting me to sneak up on the various people in our camp. Except for Aang because I'm still a bit grumpy with him and he's a bit grumpy with me and this grumpiness would not be improved by me popping up behind him and saying 'Boo!'

I can sneak up on Sokka quite easily. Suki was more difficult because she also has warrior stealthy training, but eventually I got her. She nearly hit me with her fans in retaliation before she realized it was me. I have just…and this is a huge achievement…just given Toph the fright of her life! She had no idea I was there in that tree and she actually shrieked. It was awesome. Toph thinks she knows all, with her funky earthbending sight, but it is gratifying to know that it is still possible to sneak up on her, as long as your feet don't touch the ground.

Toph is not as pleased with my stealth as I am.

Subject has pronounced me ready to tackle a messenger hawk tower with him. We will go tonight.

-!-

Subject is packing what we'll need for the trip and writing out long, most likely pointless, lists and instructions for Aang's firebending. I have one thing I have to do before I go. Apologise to Sokka. He's my brother and I love him and I really hurt him this morning. I just want him to understand why I have to do this.

I apologized about what I said. Sokka gave me a hug and said that he understood how angry I felt about losing mum and that I didn't mean what I said. But that we should all stick together and not go off on little side trips. He said didn't want me to go, mostly because it was unnecessarily risky. Sokka would hate it if I got hurt chasing this guy

I told Sokka that I just had to do this. I needed to get justice for Mum. She was our Mum. Sokka doesn't want me to get hurt or do something I'll regret. He asked me if I really intended to kill this guy. I don't know. Maybe. I definitely want him to pay for what he did. Perhaps if he feels guilty enough about what he did I'll….In all honesty, I don't know. I just know that I have to do this. Sokka nodded and looked like he was trying to understand but I know he doesn't think this is a good idea.

Sokka pointed out that Aang won't let me take Appa anyway. I told him that didn't matter now.

Now I was STEALTHY!

-!-

So Sokka must have told Aang that we were going to take Appa anyway because they were both waiting for us! Another small schmoozle. Aang said some more stuff about forgiveness. Subject said something most sarcastic to Aang in response, but I said thanks for understanding, even though I know he didn't understand at all. By saying thanks for understanding, I was really saying 'just try to understand already!'

It's like when me and Sokka were kids and he'd say 'thanks for mending my pants Katara' and throw his pants at me. I would be cross because I never would have agreed to mend the pants, but he'd already said thanks for mending them and I'd have them in my lap and I'd end up mending them anyway, not quite understanding how Sokka got me to do it for him.

I'm hoping that by saying _thanks for understanding,_ Aang will just miraculously be able to understand.

Subject knows where the nearest messenger hawk tower is and that is where we are flying now.

Southern Raiders here we come!

-!-


	18. deep and meaningful

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Deep and meaningful.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

We reached the messengerhawk tower quite quickly. We got out stealth on hardcore. Subject and I had come up with a good plan together of how to get in to the scrolls room undetected. There was some messing about in airducts and inkbending. I'm glad I had Subject with me because that room was just stuffed full of scrolls, all arranged in a seeming haphazard fashion.

What kind of organizational system is this, huh, firenation?

Really, for a well oiled war machine, I was expecting a little more organization.

Subject said there was a system and for a horrible minute I thought he was going to explain it to me, but instead he just went to one of the shelves and found the Southern Raiders scroll in about two seconds. They are on patrol near Whaletail Island. That is where we are heading now. Subject is asleep at the moment because he's a bit tired from not getting any sleep last night. I'm so awake and my brain is buzzing with thoughts and possibilities.

-!-

Subject woke as soon as the sun peeped over the horizon. He wanted me to get some rest but I was still feeling so awake at that point. I had been thinking about the others and anger and forgiveness and the fact that they didn't understand at all. I wanted Subject, at least Subject who was willing to come all this way with me, to understand.

Aang didn't understand. Sokka didn't understand. Sokka hadn't **seen** what that man did to her. I did. I was right behind Dad that day when we ran to our house. He threw back the curtain and I saw. When he realized I was there he covered my eyes, but it was too late. You can't unsee something like that. That sight is burned into my brain. The image has never really gone away, I've just gotten better at not seeing it.

So I told him all about that day, what it was like from my point of view instead of Sokka's, how my mother got me out of that tent and faced that man alone. Subject said she was a very brave woman and it is true. It made me feel better. She was brave. She deserves justice.

I found that as soon as I'd started talking about her I couldn't stop. Subject hadn't known her at all and I wanted him to know what a wonderful, witty woman she was. It was like what we do in the memory circle every year. The more I talked about her, the more I felt like she was here with me. Subject climbed down to sit next to me and just listened and didn't interrupt. So he's learned about her laugh and her jokes and her kindness and bravery and the way she used to sing me soothing songs when I felt sick.

After a while, I had talked myself out and had started feeling tired. Subject noticed me yawning and held out his hand and just asked me to please give him the reigns. He didn't demand them or anything and that made it easier to hand them over. He knows where we are going anyway. I'm in the back of the saddle now, trying to get some sleep. We'll be there soon. Subject is right, I'll need all my strength.

-!-

When we came upon the lead ship of the Southern Raiders last night I burst into action. I was fiercer and stronger than a hurricane and I knocked all those soldiers overboard with a giant wave. Me and Subject barged into the command room to find the captain. He started firebending frantically at us, but Subject stepped in front of me and blocked all the blasts. He'd noticed that I'd used all my water to blow the door open. But it wasn't necessary. I don't need water to be able to bend.

This man had taken my mother from me. I was doing this for her. I felt a dark anger surge inside me and it became easy to do what Hama had taught me. I thought I'd never, ever use it again. I never thought I could use it against someone. To make someone's blood work against them is such a violation. But Hama was right about one thing. Some people deserve it. Some people have it coming. When I thought I was facing the man who killed my mother, it was so easy just to give into that anger.

But he looked up and his eyes were full of fear. Just as quickly as that dark angry feeling had come-it vanished and was replaced by a horrified realization. He wasn't the guy.

He wasn't the monster.

I had bloodbended against an innocent man. Well as innocent as a firenation captain can be. I released him quickly. I dropped my hands and turned away. I was just a mix of feelings. I didn't quite know what to do. Subject was more practical and managed to find out where the guy who was captain when they raided my village lives. His name is Yon Rha. He lives on an island further north. He's a gardener now. He lives with his mother.

He lives with his mother. How nice for him.

-!-

I didn't want to talk at first. I didn't know what to say. Subject said that Yon Rha's island was too far away for us to reach tonight and Appa was tired. So we stopped on an uninhabited side of Whaletail island for the night.

Subject is cooking for us and has managed to resist the urge to add chilies to everything so far. I have been steadily criticizing/backseat cooking from where I sit, leaning against this rock. We have had one of our normal mild arguments. Arguing with Subject has been nice. It's almost comforting in its familiarity.

-!-

I'm not used to people cooking for me. Since we left the South Pole, if we were camping, I've always done it for the group. I have been hovering over him and being a bit of a backseat chef. Talking about/criticizing Subject's cooking skills really kept my mind off what I had just done. Honestly, I had tried to help with the cooking, but my hands were just shaking too much to do anything. Subject took the saucepan from me without comment and finished making us some soup. When it was ready, we sat next to each other and just ate in silence for a while.

Until I noticed the fireflakes.

Subject had sneakily packed some fireflakes and he had added them to his soup in great abundance. We have had our usual small argument about the fireflakes. How bad they are for him vs Subject's fondness for the taste of his whole mouth burning. He was trying his best to treat me normally and it felt nice.

Then he ruined it by wanting to talk about...you know…things.

Subject got a bit awkward. He kept looking at me to see if I wanted to start a touchy-feely conversation. Because I was the girl and I've started every previous touchy –feely conversation we've had and Subject thinks this makes me an expert at emotional conversations. Subject **fails** at emotional conversations. I stared back at him and eventually he asked if I… you know..wanted..to…maybe…I dunno…talk… about… emotions… and…what happened…and… stuff.

Really, this is why I start all our touchy-feely conversations.

I asked Subject if he thought I was a bad person for wanting revenge. I had been thinking it ever since that man, the man who wasn't a monster, looked up. I'd bloodbended him. He looked so scared. I'd done something I'd promised myself I'd never do. I did something only a **really bad person** would have done.

Subject looked momentarily horrified at my question and said that of course I wasn't a bad person. He looked a little shy and asked me not to take what he was about to say in the wrong way and get mad. He had my complete attention then because I was so sure he was about to say something ridiculous and stupid. Then he told me that I was probably one of the **best** **people** he knew. And he really meant it. And I just…it made me feel better, that Subject thinks I'm a good person.

He wanted to know why I was worried about being a bad person and I told him that it was a little because of what Aang said, because I knew that I would never ever be able to forgive this Yon Rha and I was worried that being unforgiving was bad. But mostly it was because I'd been so angry back on that ship that I'd used the bloodbending even though I promised myself I'd never use it again. Subject said ' _oh, that's what that was'_ in regards to the bloodbending. He'd never seen anything like it before and it had freaked him out a little. But he hadn't wanted to ask about it in case I didn't want to talk about it.

Strangely I did.

I haven't really talked about it to anybody else before. Sokka, though I love him, doesn't really understand how I feel about my bending. Toph's not great at comforting. She's so practical. She'd would probably just tell me that I'd stopped an evil woman and that I should look at the positive and get over it. I can't tell Aang. It's too dark for Aang. I wouldn't want to burden him with it. I especially don't want to hear any temple platitudes about it.

But I knew Subject understood how it felt to be conflicted about your own bending. I knew he could listen without interrupting. So I told him. I told him about Hama and how glad I had been to find another southern watertribe bender. I told him about how she had almost reminded me of my Gran Gran and how much I trusted her. I told him how badly she wanted revenge and how angry she was. I told him how I first learnt bloodbending… how she forced me.

I told him I was worried I could turn out like her.

Subject listened and didn't interrupt but he looked super concerned throughout. It was good to get all these dark thoughts out of my head and into the open. Subject said he didn't think I'd ever turn out like Hama, because I already felt bad about bloodbending that captain. To Subject it sounded like Hama didn't feel bad about anything she did. I asked him if he thought Aang would forgive Hama if she felt really bad about what she did, when what I was really saying was _will Aang forgive me if I kill this Yon Rha tomorrow_?

Subject said he thought feeling bad or feeling guilty about doing something wrong was important before somebody got forgiven. Spirits know Subject feels incredibly guilty about all the stupid mistakes he's made in the past. We sat in silence for a few moments and then Subject added that ultimately he thought Aang's _forgive everybody of everything_ approach wasn't realistic. I felt a bit offended because I thought he was basically saying that he didn't think Aang would get over it, if I did kill Yon Rha.

Subject got a bit panicked and said that he wasn't saying that at all. Subject said that Aang would definitely forgive me, because I was _me_ and he was _Aang_. Subject didn't seem to have a further explanation and just gestured helplessly for a bit. He started trying to say something but he got a bit stuttery and spluttery. I told him to just spit it out, whatever it was.

And he turned to me and asked me if I really wanted to know what he really actually thought. I actually did. And Subject actually told me.

He said that he thought some things shouldn't ever be forgiven, especially if the person didn't even feel bad about what they did. Some people have done such terrible things that they have to punished, otherwise there's no justice in the world. If I couldn't forgive my mother's murderer- that was fine by Subject. If this was about his mother he wouldn't show her murderer any forgiveness. He'd never forgive anyone who hurt the people he cared about. He was looking at me with an odd look on his face the whole time he said this.

He thought I was justified in my anger. He didn't think it made me a bad person. He wanted me to stop thinking I was a bad person because I wasn't. It was all very well and good for Aang to forgive everybody, but some people can't do that.

Subject added that there were some things he'd never be able to forgive his father for and he didn't think that it made him a bad person for feeling that way. He said it with such vehemence. What had Ozai done (aside from all the obvious evil overlord things)? I asked him what he found so unforgivable and for a second I thought he wouldn't answer me. But after a moment he just said _this_ and just pointed to his scar.

I think my heart stopped for a second.

His Dad _did that_ to him.

I could never imagine my Dad hurting me or Sokka. It's just unimaginable to me; a Dad doing that to his kid. I didn't know what to say. I think my shock and concern must have shown on my face because Subject started rapidly speaking in that babbly way he does when he's feeling nervous or shy.

He said that he wasn't telling me to make me feel sorry for him or to make this little trip about himself, and he **really** didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to reassure me that I wasn't a bad person for finding something unforgivable. He'd confronted his Dad on the day of the eclipse and his Dad hadn't felt bad about anything he'd done. Subject thought that Ozai wasn't deserving of forgiveness. I am inclined to agree. In fact, if firelord Ozai had been with us, in that very second, I would have killed him myself. Probably in a messy and painful fashion.

I thanked Subject for telling me. I really meant it. He looked at me shyly. It is a really big deal for Subject to share this sort of thing. I moved closer to him till our shoulders were touching. Sometimes when you don't know what to say with words you can say it with actions. I'm not going to say I snuggled him. I'll just that I leaned on him a little bit. My head rested on his shoulder and he was quite toasty so I got a little more comfortable.

Since we were sharing I told him that I honestly had no idea what I would do when I saw this Yon Rha tomorrow. I definitely wanted to make him afraid of me the way that I'd been afraid of him. I wanted him to remember me and feel guilty about what he'd done. I wanted to hurt him. I might even kill him, but I just didn't know if I could do it. Subject said that what happened tomorrow would be completely up to me. It would be my choice. And he would support me, whatever I choose.

I may have snuggled a little closer to Subject and said thank you. But that'll just stay between the two of us.

-!-


	19. Meltdowns and making up

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Meltdowns and making up

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

We got up ridiculously early to fly to Yon Rha's Island. We left Appa in this bit of clearing in the forest and went in to town to ask, discreetly, about Yon Rha and where he lived. Yon Rha's Island is a lot like our rendezvous Island. One main village and a few scattered dwellings. Yon Rha lived far outside of town and had a long walk everyday to get to the market. We found out which path he lived along and changed into our ninja outfits and waited. We followed him from the market. I think he suspected we were there because he kept glancing around nervously. He bought a few vegetables and started to walk back to his house. It was a long way. The perfect time to attack him would be enroute, right between the village and his house. We would be far enough away from both places that no one would overhear or see us. I just wanted to be sure I had the right guy. When were in a good vantage point (we could see him but he couldn't see us) Subject made a small deliberate noise. Yon Rha looked up worriedly.

It was him alright.

Subject and I came up with a quick plan and then we had to run to get ahead of Yon Rha. There was a good secluded flat bit of path a little further ahead. It started to rain which made it easier for us to blend in with the gray landscape. Yon Rha kept looking around all paranoid. Subject and I set up a trip wire for him for when he came past. Then I went a little further back to distract him while Subject tripped him. Then Subject jumped out and subdued him with firebending. And in no time at all, he was in the mud and on his hands and knees with his vegetables all spilled everywhere.

I was standing over him, demanding that he remember me.

After a few moments, he did.

He told me what had really happened that day. My mother had confessed to being the last waterbender, thinking they'd take her prisoner, to protect me. She'd been protecting me in more ways than one, on that day. She been brave and self sacrificing and he'd _murdered_ her in cold blood. I felt that dark rage from the ship again. It was such a powerful feeling of anger and hatred. Instead of bloodbending, because I really will never do that again, I wanted to give him an awesome display of my power. I wanted to make him afraid of me. Really afraid.

I stopped the rain.

Do you know how hard it is to stop rain?

It's ridiculously hard.

But it worked.

He was terrified of me. I was really frightening him. I was frightening myself too.

I really thought I was going to do it. Because he killed her. Because he deserved it. I collected the water into needle-sharp icicles and fired them at him as hard as I could.

Then at the last minute I just froze.

I just couldn't do it. I couldn't strike that final blow. I just didn't have it in me to kill someone like that. I could probably kill if I absolutely had to, but that would only in battle or for self defense. I just couldn't do it knowingly and in cold blood. I just let the water splash down uselessly on him. I could have done it, but what point would that serve? What was the point, really?

It wouldn't bring my mother back.

She'd still be dead.

She'd still be dead and I'd be a murderer too.

My mother wouldn't want me to be a cold blooded murderer.

He started to apologise, but it wasn't a sincere apology. I have seen those from Subject. I have given them myself. He wasn't really sorry about what he did. He just wanted to save his own skin. He still thought that I would kill him and he offered up his own mother in exchange for his life. A mother for a mother. I was outraged. The man not only killed my mother, but he was willing to trade his own mother for his own pathetic skin.

Who does that?

Who stoops that low?

He wasn't even a worthy adversary. It wouldn't even be a challenge to best him. My mother had been killed by this wretched, worthless man. He was pathetic and sad and empty and I told him so. There was nothing to him. I **hated** him so much, but I couldn't kill him. He wasn't worth it.

I stomped away and I heard him crying softly behind me. Good. That was good. He should feel bad. Subject walked slowly backwards behind me, with his arms raised in bending pose for a few moments, to make sure Yon Rha didn't get any ideas about following us. Yon Rha didn't. Why would he?

What else was there to say?

-!-

As I was walking back to Appa, I felt that feeling in the back of my throat, the one where you know you're about to cry. It was like a sour lemon was being squeezed back there. I have been running on nothing but adrenaline and emotion for three days and it finally all caught up with me.

I'd faced my monster. I'd faced my mother's murderer and he's just been an ordinary, cowardly, pathetic guy. He wasn't even that scary now. I could have subdued him in a second. My mother had been taken from me and all because Yon Rha had been _following orders._ At least Yon Rha now understood what a horrible thing he'd done. I hoped that he'd think of me and how frightened he'd felt this day every time it rained.

I rested my face against Appa's side and I hoped the familiar feel of his furry body and the feel of the rain sliding down my back would comfort me and make that squeezing at the back of my throat go away. It didn't. I just had so many different emotions swirling about inside me and I didn't know what to do with any of them. I just had too much anger and grief and confusion for one body to hold. These feelings were threatening to spill out all over the place.

So I did the sensible thing.

I had an enormous big fat cry.

It was a snotty cry.

It was a cry with that really embarrassing back of the throat breathing.

It was splotchy faced cry.

Mostly it was a cuddly cry aswell.

Subject was a bit awkward when I started crying because he is _more terrified_ of crying girls than anything else on this planet. I seriously think Subject would rather fight an angry saber-tooth moose lion that be left alone with a crying girl. At first he hovered in a worried fashion and then he started rubbing my back soothingly and I sort of leaned into him. Then he put an arm around me and I just wrapped my arms around him and just **snotty cried** all over him. I may have also blown my nose on his shirt at one point, but Subject hasn't commented on that.

We will _never_ speak of this again.

He was hugging me. I was just being this hysterical person who was going off their nut. He was saying all the comforting stuff that you're meant to say to a hysterical person who is going off their nut, but he said it in this really endearingly awkward fashion, like he wasn't used to comforting people. I buried my face in his chest and heard his heart beat. He was stroking my hair and saying _it'll be alright_ over and over...and I knew it would be.

I told myself we were both alive and had things we needed to do. Really, we had a war to fight. There wasn't time for me to go to pieces. I had to pull myself together. So I did that...but only after I'd cried enough, because I needed to do that too. 

In an odd way, I think my cry was a good thing for me.

It wasn't a sad cry. I think it was a cathartic cry. I think I actually feel better. Lighter even. I've been carrying around all this turbulent, heavy emotion for days, months even. Probably years actually. And now I feel like I've just cried it all out and it feels weirdly **freeing.**

We'd both gotten ridiculously wet because it had rained non-stop during my cry. But it was almost like the weather and I were in sync. When I finally stopped crying, the rain dried up. I looked up and there was a rainbow above us. It was beautiful. My mother had always wanted to see a rainbow. We didn't really get them in the South Pole (we got the southern lights instead which Mum thought was a good trade), but my dad had seen them on his voyages and he'd said that he'd take her one day, when we were older and the war was over. She never got to see one. Now I've seen so many on my travels. She wouldn't want me to spend my whole life mourning her and feeling angry. She'd want me to see the beauty in rainbows.

After a while I calmed down and I was just doing that back of the throat hiccupping thing that happens at the end of a big cry. Me and Subject broke apart and I bended the water out of our clothes and Appa's fur so at least the three of us were dry. Subject searched around in his pocket and pulled out a small bag of fireflakes, a stone that he'd found on the beach that he'd thought was pretty and a handkerchief. He gave me the handkerchief and I wiped my face. We just leaned on Appa and looked at each other. I don't think either of us knew quite what to say. Subject was looking super concerned and asked me if I was okay.

I really was.

He still looked worried that I would start crying again at any minute so I told him that I really was fine and that I think I had really just needed a good cry after _everything._ Subject asked if I wanted to talk about it, in his awkward Subject fashion. I just told him that I felt like I had made the right choice and he said if I felt like that, then it definitely was the right choice. I told him about how it wouldn't have served any point to kill Yon Rha. It wouldn't have brought my mother back and she wouldn't want me to have a murder on my conscious.

Subject said he was glad that I made the right choice for me. He said that even though he hadn't known my mother, he reckoned she would have been really proud of me. I smiled at him and thanked him for coming with me, because really, I never would have been able to do this without Subject. And then we were just sort of smiling at each other and it had been nice to just smile at him and not feel cross or frustrated. In all honesty, Subject was the best person to come along with me on this little trip. I really do feel like I can trust him now. He just supported me and I think that's all I really wanted.

I'm not sure where that leaves us.

-!-

Before I knew it, we were flying back on Appa and me and Subject's little adventure was coming to a close. I was sitting in the saddle and Subject was sitting next to me, holding the reigns. We hadn't really been saying much, but it had been a companionable silence. I had a lot on my mind. I also had something to say to Subject and I wasn't sure how to go about it. It was a combination of _I'm sorry_ and _thank you_ and _let's be friends_ again.

I couldn't see to say any of this though. I wanted to, but the words just got stuck.

So I said that I thought my mother would have liked Subject instead. That is the highest praise you can get from me. Subject smiled at me in surprise and asked if I really meant that. I did. I think my mother would have found Subject very trustworthy.

I remembered something she used to say I had to suppress a smile. I asked Subject if he'd ever worn a teacosy. Subject was completely bamboozled by this question and was looking at me like I was a bit addled. He asked me what a teacosy was and I had to explain about how water tribe women would knit this little jacket for a tea pot to keep it warm. Subject said that keeping things warm wasn't really an issue in the firenation and why would he wear something that was meant to be a jacket for a teapot.

I told him my mother used to say never trust a man who, if left alone in a room with a teacosy, doesn't try it on. If he would wear a teacosy, I could trust him. Subject said, _right, get me this cosy_ in a very determined voice. It was the sort of voice one would use for going into battle rather than facing a teacosy. And I fell about laughing at my mother's silly saying and at the thought of Subject wearing a teacosy and his determination to do this if that was what it took for me to trust him.

I was probably still feeling a little hysterical. But it was all too mad and too funny.

For the first time in forever, thinking about my mother made me want to laugh instead of want to cry.

-!-

On the way back I realized that I'd done nothing but talk about my mother and my anger and my problems for three days. I still didn't know anything about Subject's mother, but he knew everything about mine. This didn't seem quite fair. I went and sat next to him and poked him and asked him about her. So we'd be even.

He said that he hadn't talked about her in ages and he didn't know what to say. I said there was no time like the present and he often didn't know what to say but would keep blathering anyway. He talked. He didn't say much, but it is enough for me. I think we are getting to stage where we just tell each other things. This is weird but in such a nice way.

Her name was Ursa and Subject thought she was the most wonderful person in the world. She had been beautiful and sad and kind. She'd made Subject feel loved. She didn't have any weird phrases about teacosys, but she used to tickle Subject when he least suspected it. She'd woken him up one night, the night his grandfather died and told him that he should never forget who he really was.

Then she'd disappeared.

His father told Subject and his sister that she was dead. He told them that she didn't love them and couldn't stand the sight of them. He told them she had abandoned them. Eventually Subject and his sister learned to stop asking for her. When Subject confronted his father on the day of the eclipse, his father had told him she wasn't dead but she had been banished for treason.

Subject said that after the war he wanted to go and find her or at least find out what had really happened to her. I told him that with his determination to find people, even if they don't want to be found, he'd find her in a jiffy. And he smiled at me then, this really nice genuine smile.

I have done another stupid, really embarrassing thing. I can't seem to help myself around Subject.

I told Subject that after this war is all over, if he wants to go looking for his mother, I'd go with him. If he wanted me to come along that is. It seems only fair, after all he's done for me on this trip. Subject smiled and said he'd like it if I came along.

I think I'd like that too.

-!-


	20. The F word

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The f word.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

We landed on the beach at the rendezvous Island where we had been camping and Sokka and Suki were there waiting for us. Actually they were multitasking - because they were making out as well as waiting. Apparently they'd moved camps yesterday and Sokka had come up here to wait for us yesterday arfternoon and today so that he could direct us to our new place. Sokka and Suki had found an abandoned beach house that would be a little more cosy for us to stay in. We all climbed on Appa together. Sokka asked how it had gone. I knew what he was really asking and I just said simply that I hadn't killed him. They both looked a little relieved.

We landed on a hill about five minutes flight away. There was beach with a small dock beneath us and a small bedraggled old house next to us. The roof was slightly falling in and it had an unloved and unlived-in look about it. I could hear Aang and Toph earthbending behind the house, but I couldn't see them.

I wanted to be alone suddenly.

I just wanted to have a few minutes to just think. I knew that in a few moments I'd have to deal with Aang, who would probably be a bit beside himself that I had gone despite his disapproval. Aang had a lot of time to think of more temple wisdom for me while I had been gone and I didn't know if I could face it right then. I just wanted to have a think and collect my thoughts. I told the others I was going to the beach and walked off towards the dock. I overheard Sokka say he was going to follow me, but Subject said to Suki and Sokka that he thought I just needed a little space at the moment.

I sat at the end of the dock for ages. Just thinking. I thought about my mother and how much I had loved her. I thought about Yon Rha and the rain. I made sure he'd never forget me or what he had done. I thought about how I had to take this trip if only so that I could face him and choose for myself. I thought a lot about making choices and dealing with the consequences of those choices. I thought about being ready to let some of this anger go. I thought about forgiveness and how some people don't deserve it.

But then I started thinking that there were other people who really do deserve my forgiveness. Some people are really quite caring and thoughtful underneath it all. Some people really listen to me when I speak and respect me even when I'm a crazy lady to them. Some people make me fell like _I am the fun one_ out of the two of us. Some people will keep picking me moon peaches and helping me and making me smile and forcing me to like them and worry about them until I forgive them.

Maybe it's time.

I was thinking about Subject a lot.

-!-

The sun was setting by the time they came to get me. Appa flew overhead and I could see Subject and Aang in the saddle. Subject had obviously told him that I hadn't done it, but I don't think he gave much detail otherwise. Aang said he was proud of me for not doing it. I tried to make Aang understand how **angry** I had been and how hard it was not to do it. It took so much strength not to give into that dark anger. It was **one of the hardest things** I've ever done. I hoped Aang would understand.

But the first words out of his mouth were about forgiveness. Forgiveness for Yon Rha.

Pah!

He didn't understand at all. I would never forgive Yon Rha. I had shown him mercy and spared his pitiful life, but I did not forgive what he had done. Aang thinks forgiveness is crucial to the healing process. I think I can heal myself **just fine** without forgiving my mother's **murderer.** I shouldn't be asked to forgive that. I think I am getting to a place where I can start to let this anger go. But I can't forgive that. Aang shouldn't ask that of me. Subject is right. Some things are unforgivable. I didn't kill him, wasn't that enough for Aang?

I didn't want to get into a big conversation with Aang about forgiveness and anger and healing because it would most likely end with me **angry** and Aang needing **healing.**

I saw Subject standing a little bit behind Aang and I walked over to him. I had something I wanted to say to him. Well I had a lot I wanted to say to him. But I settled for the first thing. I told him I was ready to forgive him. Just to make it official and in case he hadn't figured it out already from the snotty crying cuddle and the deep and meaningful chats and the being friendly thing we'd been doing. Subject can be a bit dense about interpersonal relationships sometimes.

I know I've been a bit…err… hot and cold with him in the past. We'd have a friendly moment and then I'd get all angry about something and we'd be back to being antagonistic. But this time was different. I really wanted to be his friend after he'd been such a good friend to me and I just wanted to make sure he knew. He looked shy and hopeful.

Tui and La! There is not a force on earth powerful enough to stop me from hugging my Subject at that moment. I couldn't help it. I threw my arms around him and gave him a big hug. He put his arms around me and he felt warm and strong and nice. He smelled nice too. It was a nice-lets-be-friends-hug rather than a hysterical-crying-all-over-you-like-woah-hug. My Mum used to say good hugs were like boomerangs, only better, because you get them back straight away. This was a boomerang hug.

I wouldn't have minded hugging him a bit longer but Aang was watching. Aang likes to be included in hugs and if it went on for too long, it would have become a really awkward three way group hug. So I let Subject go and walked back to the house.

-!-

Dinner was interesting. Toph wanted to hear _all about it._ I had already told Sokka _all about it_ and then I had to tell Suki _all about it._ I was a bit over telling people _all about it_ by that stage actually. We three girls are sharing a room so I told her that I would tell her later. Everybody was telling me and Subject all the things they had gotten up to while we were away. And all the various adventures they had finding this old house.

Subject thinks it's a war cottage. It's not unheard of, in the firenation, for every single person in a family to be a casualty of war, especially if they were foot soliders. Subject thinks that this is likely because we are on a...poorer island right now and his grandfather brought in conscription laws for footsoldiers that affected the lower class. These families had houses, sturdy houses that were built to last, and their houses just get left, abandoned to the elements. That little tidbit put a bit of a downer on dinner. It strikes me as really sad. The family who lived here, they are all gone and this creaky house is all that's left. I hardly ever think about the firenation casualties of the war.

Aang, to my increasing irritation, has used the word **forgivness** with a look in my direction 27 times this evening. He has, in the last half hour, _forgiven_ Sokka for a tasteless joke, _forgiven_ Toph for taking the last vegetable dumpling even though there were still meaty ones left, _forgiven_ Subject for missing firebending practice three days in a row and _forgiven_ Suki for a sarcastic comment she made and Aang's lack of initiative when it comes to training without a teacher.

If I never hear the **f word** again…..

-!-

Okay. I am only going to write this once and then I will pretend it never happened.

Subject is kind of cool.

There, I wrote it.

I have been afflicted with that same condition that affects people who go on little holidays with Subject. I feel great affection for him and I don't quite know how that happened. I felt this affection especially strongly this even as we were doing the dishes.

It was just nice to be around Subject because he wasn't persistently asking me to tell him _all about it_ or talking about _forgiveness._ I was scrubbing a pot quite vigorously and having a bit of a complain about the **f word** and Aang's insistence of using it, even when it doesn't quite fit into the sentence. Subject said he'd try have a talk to him tomorrow at firebending training.

And then he said quite seriously that despite what Aang said, he was glad I hadn't forgiven Yon Rha. It was nice to have someone affirm my decision, but Subject had the cheekiest glint in his eye. I asked him why he was so glad that I didn't forgive Yon Rha. Subject smiled and said that I had made him **work so bloody hard** for my forgiveness that if Yon Rha got forgiven for just crying over some vegetables in the rain, Subject would have been pissed off. I playfully splashed some water at him. He splashed back. We had a small splashing fight. I won.

Subject smiled genuinely at me and said that he'd been climbing fruit trees and rescuing people from prison and carrying me out of fountains- all for my forgiveness. It would cheapen the forgiveness if I just started giving it away.

I told him he was an idiot and he said _if you say so your majesty_ and mock bowed in my direction _._ There may have been another splashing battle. I don't know who won this last one. But it ended with Subject giving me a soapy buddle crown and me chasing Subject round the kitchen trying to rub soapy bubbles in his hair in retaliation.

-!-

I have come to a decision. Well two decisions.

I'm going to stop stalking Subject… I mean Zuko. I'm probably going to need a hobby to fill in all this new free time I'll have now. However, I think it is for the best. Friends don't stalk friends after all. And Zuko is my friend. I don't really need to stalk him anyway because he's pretty trustworthy when it comes down to it.

I have also been thinking that as magnanimously as I have forgiven him this afternoon, I might need to ask for some forgiveness myself. I've been flicking back through this stalking journal…err _record of observations_ , and I realize that I _may_ have been a little too harsh to Zuko. I have been treating him a little err…crazily for this past little while. I haven't really been fair to him. And now I want to make it up to him.

I want to show him that I really do want to be his friend. Tomorrow I will head into town and buy him some of those disgusting baked flakes he loves so much. I cannot believe this is the second time Zuko has forced me to part with money for this terrible snack. But they are his favourite. They will be my peace offering for him and I hope he'll accept.

I am also going to buy a new book. I'm going to start a _new journal_ in which I don't stalk Zuko or write obsessively about him, because that would be weird. I have gotten into the habit of writing things down. It helps me get my thoughts together. We are in the middle of making history here. I'd like people in the future to know everything we did and what we've accomplished. I should record everything that is happening for future history books and posterity etc. And maybe it would be good to keep writing if only for myself. Everything is happening so fast and I don't want to forget anything.

So this will be my last entry about stalking Subject.

I may have lost a Subject to stalk but I have gained a friend in Zuko.

I am quite fond of my new friend Zuko.

Idiot that he is.

-!-

The End

-!-


End file.
